Reflections: My Maid is My Mother
I do not make resolutions but reflections are gold.
When my mom went into labour and gave birth to me on New Year's Day some 35 years ago, I am certain she was bursting with pride as she held me close. I am positive she pledged to be the best mom she would ever be to me, her only child.
I wonder if she stumbled upon this essay I wrote in Primary School. If she did, it would have crushed her heart. I no longer have this piece of writing with me but it shaped my thoughts about being the woman or mother I will be when my time comes. I titled that essay, "My Maid is My Mother".
I became the Stay At Home Mom I am today because I was brought up by my maid.
Now don't read this wrongly. I had one of the best helper one could ever ask for and I loved my mother for who she was. Their tag-team mothering style made me who I am.
I remember my mother interviewing 19 year old Nita in our home [hmm or was she just 18]. She was sitting on a round rattan chair [a papa-san chair we called it] in our living room looking very timid, frightened and nervous. I hid in the corner and peeped at her from upstairs. Oh what a pretty face she had. I liked her. Her main job was to take care of that mischievous four year old me. So do not go thinking your four year old will not be remembering stuff because many things go into long-term memory even in pre-schooling years.
She was given full reign to discipline me like her own. We fought, we bonded, we played, we sang and we basically did everything together. I know if I ever get a helper, I will be very dependent on her. Family who urged me to hire one to help around the house with Ewan and Faye, assured me that I will still be the mother. Frankly speaking, it is only human that when you have help, you will use all the help you can get. I know I will start to push bathing and feeding responsibilities, steal some date nights with the husband [oh we are such failures at this #unfortunate] because well, someone is home to watch the children and maybe go back to work after a while because my capable helper can handle everything at home!
There are many chances in life but there are some that gives you no other chances and growing up with your child is one. I do not want to take the risk of missing that opportunity like my parents did.
Nita saw me through my pre-school, primary school and into the early years of a rebellious teenager before she left us for home. I was 14 when she bade farewell to us and farewell it was. We lost all contact until this year, in 2016, I found her on Facebook! 20 years had passed us by and never in my wildest dreams we would be reunited again! We had to meet and if that meant making a trip to Hong Kong just to give her a hug, I would. We did. With the whole family minus my mother who passed away five years ago.
We reminisced the past and she applauded me for my decision. She understood the reasons I became the Stay At Home Mom I am today and I think she is secretly proud of herself for who I have become [I believe my mother would too]. We grieved my mother's passing over coffee and shared how wonderful a woman she was, always trying her best to love me with that little time she had as a full-time working mom. And my mom. She knew that Nita was integral in my well-being and she treated her as family. What other strategy should you take other than treating and giving this stranger maid the utmost best when you are leaving your only daughter in her care? It must had been heart-breaking for my mother to leave me with Nita for most part of my growing up years as much as it was for me to not have my mommy with me all the time. I recognised that. I recognised her heartbreaks. I also remember enjoying every moment I had with my parents when they return from work every day and especially the weekends. Sadly, mommy's absence [their absence] and decision to outsource the caregiving duties to a maid still left me feeling abandoned. Weekends and weekday nights were not enough for me.
It is a fact that my parents loved me with all their hearts. There is nothing a mother wouldn't do for her child and everything she had ever done in her backbreaking life was for me and my father. They had a mortgage to pay. They had to send me to school. They wanted the best for me and that included enrolling me in ballet, piano, modelling, art or anything I wanted [if I wanted]. My mother worked two jobs and my father was doing a part-time degree to up his worth. They came from very poor backgrounds with almost nothing to their names and working towards a comfortable life was their goals as young parents. They succeeded but at the expense of losing this very precious opportunity to grow up with me. Do not get me wrong. I am utterly grateful towards my parents. I am living in the fruits of their labour today. My mother was a successful fashion designer in the local fashion market and hailed top salesperson in her company. Sadly, I remember yearning for her presence and I was certain I do not want my children to feel the same way.
Mommy stayed home for me eventually but when I was thirteen. Not a good age if you ask me. This is when I was edging into the teenage years and all I really wanted was to be left alone. I say I learn from experience and so I am reversing my stay home technique with my children now.
It was not easy a feeling to deal with. If I could turn back time and ask something of them, it would be,
I assume my children want that with me as well. It is the simple things that make a child happy. Cuddling under the blanket, picking them up from school with a big smile on my face and spending time alone with each child without their siblings. These are the things that mean the most to them; to me. If these little things can be given and received all day long, what bliss.
All I could give is my commitment.
To avoid having Ewan or Faye writing My Maid is My Mother, My Grandmother is My Mother or Where is my Mother? in some composition, I choose to fulfil this role as their Mother myself. It was not difficult for me to drop 10 years of good working reputation behind my name from all the hard work I had put into my job. Thankfully, this opportunity is made possible from the support of my husband and our parents.
How long will I go on doing this stay home thing? I have no answer because there really is no right time to quit being mom. Maybe the day will come when the kids tell me, "Go get a life of your own mom. Start living today." and I'll go. I will tick off my bucket list one by one but for now, I know the first on my list had been fulfilled - Staying Home, Being Mom.
---------------
Meyer and I grew up with maids all our lives. One would think we would become dependent on them but I am thankful we chose to work our butts out for our own home instead. I didn't even have to button my own shirts in Primary School! So when I said I will stay home for my children, my friends and extended family were most surprised. They did not think I [or we] will be able to pull off something as arduous as being a full-time parent. It is arduous alright? Parenting is one of life's toughest job! And to include housekeeping chores to the equation for someone who never had to lay a finger on housework or cook a meal before? *gasps* It humbled us and I loved it that we took charge of our own family like any responsible adult would. But we pay a price too without help. We are total failures at spending time together as a couple.
When my mom went into labour and gave birth to me on New Year's Day some 35 years ago, I am certain she was bursting with pride as she held me close. I am positive she pledged to be the best mom she would ever be to me, her only child.
I wonder if she stumbled upon this essay I wrote in Primary School. If she did, it would have crushed her heart. I no longer have this piece of writing with me but it shaped my thoughts about being the woman or mother I will be when my time comes. I titled that essay, "My Maid is My Mother".
I became the Stay At Home Mom I am today because I was brought up by my maid.
Now don't read this wrongly. I had one of the best helper one could ever ask for and I loved my mother for who she was. Their tag-team mothering style made me who I am.
I remember my mother interviewing 19 year old Nita in our home [hmm or was she just 18]. She was sitting on a round rattan chair [a papa-san chair we called it] in our living room looking very timid, frightened and nervous. I hid in the corner and peeped at her from upstairs. Oh what a pretty face she had. I liked her. Her main job was to take care of that mischievous four year old me. So do not go thinking your four year old will not be remembering stuff because many things go into long-term memory even in pre-schooling years.
She was given full reign to discipline me like her own. We fought, we bonded, we played, we sang and we basically did everything together. I know if I ever get a helper, I will be very dependent on her. Family who urged me to hire one to help around the house with Ewan and Faye, assured me that I will still be the mother. Frankly speaking, it is only human that when you have help, you will use all the help you can get. I know I will start to push bathing and feeding responsibilities, steal some date nights with the husband [oh we are such failures at this #unfortunate] because well, someone is home to watch the children and maybe go back to work after a while because my capable helper can handle everything at home!
There are many chances in life but there are some that gives you no other chances and growing up with your child is one. I do not want to take the risk of missing that opportunity like my parents did.
Nita saw me through my pre-school, primary school and into the early years of a rebellious teenager before she left us for home. I was 14 when she bade farewell to us and farewell it was. We lost all contact until this year, in 2016, I found her on Facebook! 20 years had passed us by and never in my wildest dreams we would be reunited again! We had to meet and if that meant making a trip to Hong Kong just to give her a hug, I would. We did. With the whole family minus my mother who passed away five years ago.
We reminisced the past and she applauded me for my decision. She understood the reasons I became the Stay At Home Mom I am today and I think she is secretly proud of herself for who I have become [I believe my mother would too]. We grieved my mother's passing over coffee and shared how wonderful a woman she was, always trying her best to love me with that little time she had as a full-time working mom. And my mom. She knew that Nita was integral in my well-being and she treated her as family. What other strategy should you take other than treating and giving this stranger maid the utmost best when you are leaving your only daughter in her care? It must had been heart-breaking for my mother to leave me with Nita for most part of my growing up years as much as it was for me to not have my mommy with me all the time. I recognised that. I recognised her heartbreaks. I also remember enjoying every moment I had with my parents when they return from work every day and especially the weekends. Sadly, mommy's absence [their absence] and decision to outsource the caregiving duties to a maid still left me feeling abandoned. Weekends and weekday nights were not enough for me.
It is a fact that my parents loved me with all their hearts. There is nothing a mother wouldn't do for her child and everything she had ever done in her backbreaking life was for me and my father. They had a mortgage to pay. They had to send me to school. They wanted the best for me and that included enrolling me in ballet, piano, modelling, art or anything I wanted [if I wanted]. My mother worked two jobs and my father was doing a part-time degree to up his worth. They came from very poor backgrounds with almost nothing to their names and working towards a comfortable life was their goals as young parents. They succeeded but at the expense of losing this very precious opportunity to grow up with me. Do not get me wrong. I am utterly grateful towards my parents. I am living in the fruits of their labour today. My mother was a successful fashion designer in the local fashion market and hailed top salesperson in her company. Sadly, I remember yearning for her presence and I was certain I do not want my children to feel the same way.
It was not easy a feeling to deal with. If I could turn back time and ask something of them, it would be,
I'd rather not learn ballet, the piano or go for oversea trips. I need not stay in a maisonette, condominium with a private pool or landed property with a bedroom so big I could hold a party. We could live within means and just be together. I just want us to be together. I just want you to have and hold. Every. Single. Moment.
I assume my children want that with me as well. It is the simple things that make a child happy. Cuddling under the blanket, picking them up from school with a big smile on my face and spending time alone with each child without their siblings. These are the things that mean the most to them; to me. If these little things can be given and received all day long, what bliss.
All I could give is my commitment.
To avoid having Ewan or Faye writing My Maid is My Mother, My Grandmother is My Mother or Where is my Mother? in some composition, I choose to fulfil this role as their Mother myself. It was not difficult for me to drop 10 years of good working reputation behind my name from all the hard work I had put into my job. Thankfully, this opportunity is made possible from the support of my husband and our parents.
How long will I go on doing this stay home thing? I have no answer because there really is no right time to quit being mom. Maybe the day will come when the kids tell me, "Go get a life of your own mom. Start living today." and I'll go. I will tick off my bucket list one by one but for now, I know the first on my list had been fulfilled - Staying Home, Being Mom.
---------------
Meyer and I grew up with maids all our lives. One would think we would become dependent on them but I am thankful we chose to work our butts out for our own home instead. I didn't even have to button my own shirts in Primary School! So when I said I will stay home for my children, my friends and extended family were most surprised. They did not think I [or we] will be able to pull off something as arduous as being a full-time parent. It is arduous alright? Parenting is one of life's toughest job! And to include housekeeping chores to the equation for someone who never had to lay a finger on housework or cook a meal before? *gasps* It humbled us and I loved it that we took charge of our own family like any responsible adult would. But we pay a price too without help. We are total failures at spending time together as a couple.
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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life.
We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.
We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.
Such a beautifully written and heartfelt reflection. It's so important to recognize and appreciate the countless ways our mothers care for us, even in the smallest acts. Your words are a wonderful reminder of the love and effort they put into our lives. Thank you for sharing this touching perspective
ReplyDeleteThis is such a touching and heartfelt reflection. The way you describe the bond with your mother and the role she plays in your life is both moving and inspiring. It's a beautiful reminder of how much love, sacrifice, and strength can be found in those closest to us. Thank you for sharing such a personal and meaningful story.
ReplyDeleteYour reflection on the relationship between a maid and the family, especially seeing your mother in that role, is so touching. It beautifully captures the often overlooked strength, resilience, and love that comes from those who serve. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt perspective that reminds us to appreciate all the roles our loved ones take on, even those that go unspoken.
ReplyDelete