I Raised My Voice at Pre-School Today
It really wasn't my intention to have so many bad experiences happening two days straight. I am crying my eyeballs out right now as I write because my heart cannot take it.
The morning went almost perfectly well as I sat on their bed at 0720 hours, reading storybooks. Oh they were so cooperative today that we had time to sit and read before making our way to school. Efficiency at its best I tell you!
Then Faye started throwing tantrums and cried, screamed, demanded. All because she wanted me to carry her. How to carry when I have two school bags in one arm and storybooks in the other. Technically, I can. Done five bags with her in my arms before but I just did not feel like it this morning. Just because she was acting like I owe it to her.
Never mind that she screamed from home till school because this story isn't about her.
Ewan.
My cheeky speak-your-mind warm-hearted child who wears his heart on his sleeve.
When he is sad, he will cry unconsolably and when he is angry, well, imagine Incredible Hulk.
He was all so good this morning because he knew better not to incite my wrath since Faye had been difficult.
We went to school. He brought his Batman toy today and was excited to find his buddy bringing the exact same toy! They were talking excitedly about it and he naturally reached out for his water bottle when I held it out in front of him. I had Faye and her school bag in my other arm because well, I had to carry her eventually.
As the boys chatted, they took off their shoes and placed them neatly in their designated spots. Then proceeded to keep their toys in their bags because there is a No Bring Your Own Toy rule in class. Ewan had some difficulties putting Batman in because he was holding his water bottle in his other hand. Then came the blame. He blamed me for making him carry his water bottle and that was the reason why he could not put his toy back into the bag. Then he started to criticise me again for being hard on him because I wanted him to carry his storybooks too!
I told him very clearly that he could have put his bottle down to have a free hand for his toy. When that's done, he will have one hand for the bottle and the other for the books!
He was so mad at me that he walked away. I obviously got furious because why blame me for something you couldn't achieve! Alright, fine. He's a child. But walking away from me without the storybooks so boldly, I cannot let it go.
I spoke to him very sternly to come back out of the class but he refused. He probably wanted to show his friends his *argh* I don't know what. His power against his mom? That was when I raised my voice. We were actually quarrelling outside the classroom! Him going "I Want You To Help Me!" and me going "Have I Not Been Helping You The Whole Morning!?" So this went on and on until I felt like CRAP! At that moment, I didn't care if parents, little children and teachers were staring at us. I didn't care if he was crying loudly and making a ruckus. I was just so freaking mad. I told him I will never help him again since he did not appreciate the efforts I put in every morning for him. All these with Faye tucked snugly on my waist and a heavy schoolbag filled with water play stuff hanging from my hand.
At that moment, a flashback of yesterday came rushing in - about me crying in school. I thought, "Oh gosh! I am so not going to cry today because I am fuming mad!"
His Chinese teacher came out of class and took over. I stormed off after dropping Faye because I was not interested to talk about this any further. As soon as I reached home, I texted my dad and Meyer to complain about the morning's event.
Just as I was settling in, feeling a little better. I received a call from school. Oh man, this one got me crying my heart out.
The morning went almost perfectly well as I sat on their bed at 0720 hours, reading storybooks. Oh they were so cooperative today that we had time to sit and read before making our way to school. Efficiency at its best I tell you!
Then Faye started throwing tantrums and cried, screamed, demanded. All because she wanted me to carry her. How to carry when I have two school bags in one arm and storybooks in the other. Technically, I can. Done five bags with her in my arms before but I just did not feel like it this morning. Just because she was acting like I owe it to her.
Never mind that she screamed from home till school because this story isn't about her.
Ewan.
My cheeky speak-your-mind warm-hearted child who wears his heart on his sleeve.
When he is sad, he will cry unconsolably and when he is angry, well, imagine Incredible Hulk.
He was all so good this morning because he knew better not to incite my wrath since Faye had been difficult.
We went to school. He brought his Batman toy today and was excited to find his buddy bringing the exact same toy! They were talking excitedly about it and he naturally reached out for his water bottle when I held it out in front of him. I had Faye and her school bag in my other arm because well, I had to carry her eventually.
As the boys chatted, they took off their shoes and placed them neatly in their designated spots. Then proceeded to keep their toys in their bags because there is a No Bring Your Own Toy rule in class. Ewan had some difficulties putting Batman in because he was holding his water bottle in his other hand. Then came the blame. He blamed me for making him carry his water bottle and that was the reason why he could not put his toy back into the bag. Then he started to criticise me again for being hard on him because I wanted him to carry his storybooks too!
I told him very clearly that he could have put his bottle down to have a free hand for his toy. When that's done, he will have one hand for the bottle and the other for the books!
He was so mad at me that he walked away. I obviously got furious because why blame me for something you couldn't achieve! Alright, fine. He's a child. But walking away from me without the storybooks so boldly, I cannot let it go.
I spoke to him very sternly to come back out of the class but he refused. He probably wanted to show his friends his *argh* I don't know what. His power against his mom? That was when I raised my voice. We were actually quarrelling outside the classroom! Him going "I Want You To Help Me!" and me going "Have I Not Been Helping You The Whole Morning!?" So this went on and on until I felt like CRAP! At that moment, I didn't care if parents, little children and teachers were staring at us. I didn't care if he was crying loudly and making a ruckus. I was just so freaking mad. I told him I will never help him again since he did not appreciate the efforts I put in every morning for him. All these with Faye tucked snugly on my waist and a heavy schoolbag filled with water play stuff hanging from my hand.
At that moment, a flashback of yesterday came rushing in - about me crying in school. I thought, "Oh gosh! I am so not going to cry today because I am fuming mad!"
His Chinese teacher came out of class and took over. I stormed off after dropping Faye because I was not interested to talk about this any further. As soon as I reached home, I texted my dad and Meyer to complain about the morning's event.
Just as I was settling in, feeling a little better. I received a call from school. Oh man, this one got me crying my heart out.
His Chinese teacher said he had something to tell me:
E: Mommy. I am sorry for being rude. I will put my things properly on my own next time.
M: It is okay Ewan. I am sorry too for being so angry just now.
E: Are you still angry mommy?
M: No I am not angry anymore. I am just very sad now. *holding back my tears*
E: Okay mommy. Goodbye. I have work to do and I will do it myself too."
M: I love you Ewan.
E: Love you too *in his softest, most pitiful voice*
He was sent back to class and his teacher took over the phone and told me he wasn't feeling good until 0900 hours [I dropped him at 0815 hours]. Today is Reading Day and he skipped it because he didn't want to. I was also been told that the whole class skipped their 30-minute outdoor play today to stay indoors addressing the issue because his friends questioned what happened to their friend, Ewan, and his mother.
Their English teacher explained to the children using Ewan as a "case study" on behaviours and temperaments. I have 100% trust in his teachers that they knew how to handle the situation properly without pointing fingers at my son or humiliating him for his behaviour. Both his teachers this year are very loving teachers who go educate and care for their kids like their own.
All these while, Ewan was sitting at his desk cutting paper. He said he didn't want to join the class at the front but was listening.
Translate: While the teachers told the class what happened, he teared. He didn't cry out loud but he was very sad and teared. He said he really loved me a lot and wanted to call me to apologise.
These pictures made me feel like the worst mom ever! But sigh, everything that I do I do it with the intention to bring him up well. The least is to be polite.
E: Mommy. I am sorry for being rude. I will put my things properly on my own next time.
M: It is okay Ewan. I am sorry too for being so angry just now.
E: Are you still angry mommy?
M: No I am not angry anymore. I am just very sad now. *holding back my tears*
E: Okay mommy. Goodbye. I have work to do and I will do it myself too."
M: I love you Ewan.
E: Love you too *in his softest, most pitiful voice*
Their English teacher explained to the children using Ewan as a "case study" on behaviours and temperaments. I have 100% trust in his teachers that they knew how to handle the situation properly without pointing fingers at my son or humiliating him for his behaviour. Both his teachers this year are very loving teachers who go educate and care for their kids like their own.
All these while, Ewan was sitting at his desk cutting paper. He said he didn't want to join the class at the front but was listening.
他一面剪，一面静静地流眼泪。
然后说：
“我真的很爱妈妈！我要跟妈妈说对不起。”
“我真的很爱妈妈！我要跟妈妈说对不起。”
Translate: While the teachers told the class what happened, he teared. He didn't cry out loud but he was very sad and teared. He said he really loved me a lot and wanted to call me to apologise.
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| Credit: Teacher |
His teacher added this in Chinese which got me all chocked up in tears that I couldn't say goodbye properly, "妈妈，你加油。我们都在学习。妈妈和孩子都一起学习。妈妈加油！也该放开了。”
Translate: We are all learning this together, parent and child. You should also let it go already. Ewan is fine now.
Is she my teacher or my son's!
As an adult, I know better not to shame my child in front of so many people. In any ideal situation, I should have brought him aside and convince him [maybe 20 minutes of cajoling] to cooperate. Please don't come and scold [or judge] me now because I was acting like a child. I did not only shamed my son, I shamed myself too alright?
But there really are times like this when you cannot control your emotions from demanding routines, from tantrums thrown by the other kid, from worries, from not having your husband in Singapore, for not having any other kind of support because you [I] chose to do this all by yourself.
I love this kid with every bit of my heart. If he ever think otherwise, I'll make him read my blogs.
And you Faye Faye. We love you not an ounce lesser than your brother.
Translate: We are all learning this together, parent and child. You should also let it go already. Ewan is fine now.
Is she my teacher or my son's!
As an adult, I know better not to shame my child in front of so many people. In any ideal situation, I should have brought him aside and convince him [maybe 20 minutes of cajoling] to cooperate. Please don't come and scold [or judge] me now because I was acting like a child. I did not only shamed my son, I shamed myself too alright?
But there really are times like this when you cannot control your emotions from demanding routines, from tantrums thrown by the other kid, from worries, from not having your husband in Singapore, for not having any other kind of support because you [I] chose to do this all by yourself.
I love this kid with every bit of my heart. If he ever think otherwise, I'll make him read my blogs.
And you Faye Faye. We love you not an ounce lesser than your brother.
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