Taboo Words At Home
I Don't Care! STUPID! Go Away. I Hate You! Shit. Shut Up! Stop It.
I don't like these phrases and I deemed them forbidden. The children will get a dressing down when they say things like that. Well of course, vulgarities included but they are still not socially exposed to those yet. I dread the day they go to Primary School.
My husband thinks I'm anal about this. He feels that these are just vocabulary and I am too harped up on the language they have to use around me. But don't you think these words are impolite and it encourages bullying behaviours?
I Don't Care!
Frankly speaking, I am extremely disappointed by the songs Disney make with so many "I don't care"s in their lyrics not to mention Frozen even added "slamming doors" in one of the songs. Frozen has "I don't care what they're going to say". Princess and the Frog has "People down there think I'm crazy but I don't care". I even cringe when the kids sing their favourite song from The Greatest Showman, A Million Dreams because it has a line, "I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy". Ewan and Faye knows. When they first heard A Million Dreams, their eyes opened wide and tried to seek my approval for the song. They almost were afraid to sing that part but I eventually relented because the damage was already done by Frozen [which trust me, I refused to let Faye listen to it until daddy accidentally played that Let It Go song which naturally became her favourite].
I would like my children to care. I would want them to know we care. However, media is telling them it's alright not to. I agree that they shouldn't be affected by what others say about them if it causes negative effects but there are less disturbing words that these three that cuts the heart like a knife.
Replacement words like, "I won't let it get to me."
Most importantly, I will be disappointed if one day while dishing advice to my children and they come back with a "I Don't Care" in our conversation. That's no way to speak to a parent and that's no way a parent should speak to a child.
For the record, my daughter slammed the door at my face the first time at Year 4 and screamed at Ewan, "I Don't Care!" when she was angry. Of course, she got a dressing down and a threaten to remove all things Frozen from her life. We never used this word at home as parents to children so this is really proof that media is just as big an influence as home.
STUPID!
Why would you want to call anybody Stupid? That's verbal abuse to me. You think that's too much to be classified as abuse? I say no. When words are used to hurt another, it is considered a bully behaviour. And so I read from a book on Bullies recently.
If you ever tell you children, "You stupid or what?" or "Don't be stupid lah. Use your brains!" I think you should stop. If their love language is Words of Affirmation [Read: Love Tanks: Full, Empty or Overflowing], this is the most detrimental use of words that will affect them deeply. Oh even if their love language isn't Words of Affirmation, it hurts to know that the adults you respect most think you are dumb!
It is not just a figure of speech. For children, they take everything they hear literally.
If you ever tell you children, "You stupid or what?" or "Don't be stupid lah. Use your brains!" I think you should stop. If their love language is Words of Affirmation [Read: Love Tanks: Full, Empty or Overflowing], this is the most detrimental use of words that will affect them deeply. Oh even if their love language isn't Words of Affirmation, it hurts to know that the adults you respect most think you are dumb!
It is not just a figure of speech. For children, they take everything they hear literally.
Go Away.
Seriously? Say it one too many times, you will be sure your kid will eventually GO AWAY. Why do you want to tell a child that? Because he is getting in the way? Alright, how about, "Please step aside because you are blocking me."
While I do keep to my stance on not saying that with Ewan and Faye, I have to admit I am still working on one other thing. I don't say, "Go Away". I actually tell them to "Get out of my car!" when they make my blood boil. We have several car tantrum scenarios and while driving, it is really very hard contain the situation. Driving in itself is considered high stress and adding whines, cries and angry kids to it is not funny.
We are all working on calm tones and dispositions now. As much as possible...
While I do keep to my stance on not saying that with Ewan and Faye, I have to admit I am still working on one other thing. I don't say, "Go Away". I actually tell them to "Get out of my car!" when they make my blood boil. We have several car tantrum scenarios and while driving, it is really very hard contain the situation. Driving in itself is considered high stress and adding whines, cries and angry kids to it is not funny.
We are all working on calm tones and dispositions now. As much as possible...
I Hate You!
In my dictionary, you never hate anyone. Never! Not even that murderer who killed your parent. Not that bully that inflicted harm in you. Not that parent who had an affair. How are you ever going to live the rest of your life with hatred staining your heart? Learning to forgive is a big virtue; one that I would like my children to possess. It is going to be tough but when you understand, cliche as it seems, Love always prevails.
You are granted to not like someone [very much] but hate is too strong a word. Just like "Stupid", it hurts. Hmm.. all of these taboo words hurt.
You are granted to not like someone [very much] but hate is too strong a word. Just like "Stupid", it hurts. Hmm.. all of these taboo words hurt.
Shit.
This is a dirty word to me. Why so crude? Shit.
I tell my kids not to step on dog's poo and be careful not to get bombed by bird's poop! I believe there are better replacements than SHIT.
Shit is rough. It is unladylike and it is a curse word. If you had been "shitting" around a lot, please don't "shit" in front of my kids because I don't approve.
I tell my kids not to step on dog's poo and be careful not to get bombed by bird's poop! I believe there are better replacements than SHIT.
Shit is rough. It is unladylike and it is a curse word. If you had been "shitting" around a lot, please don't "shit" in front of my kids because I don't approve.
Shut Up!
This is not nice. Whenever the children's whines get overly incessant, I would go, "SHUT!" and then remember not to add the "Up". What's the difference? Actually *haha* I was about to tell them to "Shut Up!" but I remembered it is one of the forbidden words at home [which I implemented] and held my horses in time for the full phrase to be spoken.
This is like telling them not to have their own voice when we had always been teaching them to speak their mind. How contradicting. I use a lot more, "Be quiet and listen first." I am sure in every household, there are interruption issues. Children interrupting parents when they talk, one kid interrupting a parent and child when they talk, etc. Ewan and Faye are learning to take conscious efforts today [still lots of work in progress] after I shared with them, "We are given two ears for us to listen more than we talk with one mouth."
This is like telling them not to have their own voice when we had always been teaching them to speak their mind. How contradicting. I use a lot more, "Be quiet and listen first." I am sure in every household, there are interruption issues. Children interrupting parents when they talk, one kid interrupting a parent and child when they talk, etc. Ewan and Faye are learning to take conscious efforts today [still lots of work in progress] after I shared with them, "We are given two ears for us to listen more than we talk with one mouth."
Stop It.
This is debatable. You can say it's alright "Stop It". What's is wrong with this word?
I don't know. The people whom I hear it from said it quite rudely. I don't like the tone of it although it is meant to be a discipline word to get children to stop being naughty. Coming from an adult, it probably sound acceptable. But when the kid pick it up and use it on another with a scream, I think that's very impolite.
I don't know. The people whom I hear it from said it quite rudely. I don't like the tone of it although it is meant to be a discipline word to get children to stop being naughty. Coming from an adult, it probably sound acceptable. But when the kid pick it up and use it on another with a scream, I think that's very impolite.
Ewan and Faye had been taught, "Stop please" which I think makes the person receiving this reprimand less defensive and angered. While they can't possibly always be so Royalty-English-nice, they try to change their tones whenever I put my hand up and go "ay ay ay" reminding them of their language.
Oh I am not a parent guru. My children's language and behaviour aren't the best when we are in public. Ewan can be brash and rude. Faye can be difficult and whiney. The last thing I want from the children is for them to hurt another person with their words. The least I can do is make sure we speak correctly at home, minus these taboo words that are too harsh for any heart to take.
Oh I am not a parent guru. My children's language and behaviour aren't the best when we are in public. Ewan can be brash and rude. Faye can be difficult and whiney. The last thing I want from the children is for them to hurt another person with their words. The least I can do is make sure we speak correctly at home, minus these taboo words that are too harsh for any heart to take.
LIFE BEYOND GRADES:
We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.
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