Don't Mess Me Up Dot

So Faye, I gave it this title because I was a difficult teenage daughter growing up. Or so I believe I was even though my dad said I hadn't been any trouble. I'm afraid [why am I always afraid?] of who you might become when I meet with your teen. 

I am afraid because you are strong-willed like me. You are inflexible just like me. You are persistent, relentless and obstinate; and that's all of me. Well, I should know better how to handle you then no? Just handle ME! However, I'm not quite sure if I'm able to keep putting myself in your shoes while doing this parenting job of not raising you into that somebody who would one day refuse to speak to me.

Mommy needs you to be a friend and that daughter who is always so clingy to me. To come to me whenever you need to cry it out from a broken friendship or relationship. I'll dish out the wittiest solutions I promise and maybe you might laugh at my silly answers together with me.

Do you know you can never fall asleep without me? Not when you were a baby, not when you turned four. Your favourite position is to lie on my body and feel the rise and fall of my bosom. That's your perfect lullaby, You will run to hold my hand all the time when we are out walking the streets. You blurt out "I Love You"s whenever you feel overwhelmed with love for me. Oh Faye oh Faye. Did I mention you like to give me butterfly kisses at times too? Mommy is everything to you. I don't ever want to write "Mommy was everything to you".

That said, I am afraid you'd go the other way when you grow up. The I-Wish-Mommy-Goes-To-Work way. The Leave-Me-Alone way. I'm afraid because that will mess me up bad. For all the time I spent raising you, for all the love you've showered me with in return of mine, if you ever walk out on me one day with black lipstick and a 360 degree eye roll, it'll kill me!

But what made me worry about this possibility?

REVENGE

I blurted out to daddy last night with a laugh, "She's such a rebel!"? A laugh because I was amazed by how you think. At age four.

We announced BEDTIME in 哥哥's room and we agreed that the owner of the room will decide our sleeping positions [sometimes we sleep in your room, sometimes in 哥哥's]. There's always so much fighting over this sleeping position issue. You do not want to sleep next to the glass, he doesn't want to sleep next to the wall. You want to sleep in between your parents, so does he. The story never ends. Last night, when we thought it was all set, you insisted that you and I should sleep perpendicular to dad and 哥. That sounded impractical because we do not have enough space! We would have to rest our legs over daddy's body to achieve that. Obviously, I said No Can Do. Instead of crying, you turned on the light, picked up a book and sat in a corner to read. You left us baffled at twelve midnight. It was that late because France vs Argentina. Sure! There's no need to kick a fuss. You did the ultimatum by punishing us all with the light on! I bet you were thinking, "Fine. Then no one gets to sleep."

DON'T ASK ME A SECOND TIME

On another occasion, you fell and hurt your knee. You showed your father that afternoon and he noted it. The same night in bed, he decided to show you more empathy and asked you where that scrap was again so that he could sayang you. You kept quiet for a while and responded, "Why do you ask when you already know?" This is such a typical trait of a woman! "Why do you have to ask me a second time when you already know what I want?" And you did not give him an answer thereafter. 

I AM STRONG

You know exactly what you want. You are your own fighter but you are not all that emotionally cold. You embrace all your emotions even negative ones. When you saw me hurling anger at your brother for disrespect one day, you kept extremely quiet. I ended crying with 哥哥 because I was so hurt. You wanted to go against me together with him but you decided to not push it after reading my body language. You are better than him that way. After the dust settled, you came up to me and said, "I had a tear in my eye but I did not cry." You were scared and you were sad but you decided to hold it all up for us. For us two who were crying away in the car feeling sorry for ourselves and for what happened.

I EXPECT YOU TO MIND-READ
There's one womanly trait you've got that really is the death of us. Why do you insist on not communicating your inner thoughts but rather let us guess it? We are not mind-readers girl. You'd point and direct your grandfathers where to go and what to do. They must have a wealth of experience by now with women but they still commented [one day after another], "Wah your boyfriend jialat man."

Talk. Speak your mind baby girl. I mean, if you want to be carried, don't just expect people to understand what you want with your mmmm-mmms and body jerks. When we don't [understand you], you cry a river.

Let me give you a tip. Your relationship with your boyfriend or husband will give you a lot less heartaches if you told him you wanted flowers for Valentine's Day rather than just waiting for that surprise. Sure. A surprise would be nice but men can be blockheads [actually they are just confused by us women who expects them to mind read].  If you tell, "Oh don't waste money on flowers because they are so expensive on VDay. Really ah. I mean it! Don't waste money." and you get angry with him when he doesn't get you a bouquet, it's your fault ya?

An extremely important point to note though Faye. You have to tell me if I'm ever parenting you wrongly! Because this is a break or make point for our mother and daughter relationship. Don't mess that up for us okay? Tell me because we started it out really good.

Then again, it's not all negative because being insistent, self-confident and domineering can be qualities of a respected woman! I want to raise you to be that woman.

You will live by your own values. You will blend confidence with compassion. You will be a leader! You will make a difference wherever you go. You will be a trendsetter. You are trustworthy and can be counted on. You are born to fight. You are so sassy!

I know. Because that's also all of me.

And I know you will always be here for me as I have for you because you cannot bear to mess us up.

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