Dreams: My Husband Had An Affair and My Daughter Almost Died

I should have categorised this as Nightmare instead of Dream. It jolted me awake with tears falling down my cheeks and I couldn't get back to sleep. The vividness of it compelled me to pen it down; to talk it out in writing since my husband, my listening ear, was sleeping peacefully next to me as I cried in real life. Writing about it calmed me down and I managed to catch 40 winks before the house woke.

Disclaimer: My husband is not flirtatious and he's always home on time. He readily lets me configure my fingerprint onto his iPhone lock screen and that's pretty obvious he has nothing to hide. We share an app that openly allows us to see each other's current location worldwide. He demonstrates his love for me more than I do [I think]. I trust him and read that often dreams about infidelity are rarely about cheating but of personal insecurities. [of course, this is subjective and it can also be a literal representation of an affair if you have very strong sixth sense]

HUSBAND

We were out celebrating his birthday. My in-laws were there; all six of us including his brother and wife. It was a nice restaurant and we had a wonderful evening without the five kids interrupting our conversations. I presented him with the gift I prepared - something Louis Vuitton.

He suddenly announced that there was this other woman in his life. One who came in as our third party. The table went silent. I asked if he was joking and he said, "No". I stood up and starred at him; willing him to say that again. His mother interrupted that this couldn't be true but I had all focus on my husband. Everything in the background blurred, "Do I know her?"

Before he could answer, I walked out because I couldn't handle the truth [the truth in my dream that is]. My mother and father-in-law ran after me. I took the stairs down to level one where they paid for the bill and I felt light-headed. I told them I needed to get some fresh air for a breather. 

Right at the exit in front of me was a lake. To the left of it was a golden pagoda so tall it probably was 20 storeys high. To the right of it was sand, the beach. I chose to walk the beach. My mother-in-law pleaded me to return because it was night and it would be unsafe for a lady to be on her own in a foreign country. My father-in-law told her to let me go because he felt I needed that walk. It was obvious we weren't in Singapore but I do not know where we were.

I walked. Full moon. A few dark-skinned children playing on the sand. I didn't realise my in-laws were following me behind to keep me safe. The husband was with them too. 

I turned around and my sister-in-law had tears in her eyes, feeling apologetic for what happened to us. It was unbelievable because he is the perfect son, husband and father. This could not be happening. At that moment, I thought to myself in my head, "Thank goodness we do not have children. It would have been harder. Oh shucks! Wait! We HAVE children! They are Ewan and Faye!"

Now, the golden pagoda was directly across me as I looked over the waters. I stared at it and declared, "I'm going to climb it."

In fact, I ran towards it. It started with a walk up the steps and then suddenly I started to run. I needed to release my tensions and running seemed to be my solution as it always had been when I was younger. I would go for long walks, runs and sprints to chase those blues away. As I panted, ran and climbed the steps upwards, my in-the-dream-not-real-but-felt-so-real husband suddenly overtook my stride. He was now in front of me. "What the! Climb stairs also must outrun me?"

When we finally reached the top, I saw a train station. I boarded it the one with the sign, "To Korea". Was I trying to run away from wherever we were?

The interior of this train was modern, clean and every one on it were immaculate. I felt the urge to photograph the moment but at the back of my head as I was trying to look for my seat, I thought, "I'm supposed to be upset. Why am I still thinking of taking photos?" 

I chose my seat; on the right side of the train and looked out into the passing scenes. My husband came with and he sat across from me. Watching me. His wife. His lover. Whom now he probably has mixed feelings about. It was the right thing to chase after me but he wasn't sure if he should because he also loved that someone else.

Two images on the outside caught my eye. This time, I defied all odds and whipped out my camera for a shot. First was a beautiful mountain side with the sun setting behind it. The sky was a deep dark musky orange and I found it rather calming. It was too beautiful not to capture it. The second thing I saw was a statue of a man and woman hugging. A sculpture in fact and they looked in love yet turmoiled. I took a second picture of it, framing it with the window of the train I was on. I think the dream was trying to tell me about something I'd like to keep a constant and am afraid of losing. I didn't want it to slip from my hands and thus capturing the moment. 

In my mind, I was on-route to Korea but when we reached the city, I saw the departmental store SOGO. Well, I don't think SOGO was from Korea but anyways... 

The husband was beckoning me to turn back home but I didn't want to stop. Neither did I want to turn back.  

Suddenly, the train was about to crash. It veered off course but somehow, it screeched to a stop. Funny because from the movies I've watched, trains have this bad reputation of not coming to a stop whenever danger arises. So we did not crash. In fact, the train inched left a little as if it was a car and continued on its journey onwards to I don't know where.

It was, at this time, when she appeared. She, his affair, somehow got onto the train without me knowing during that sudden halt to avoid the crash. I looked at her. She wasn't drop dead gorgeous. She was confident though, a little cocky even, and wore a blouse with her top two buttons unfastened. It revealed her cleavage and that bosom was at least two cups bigger than mine. Things I notice *hah* She sat in a chair in the most comfortable position with her legs crossed. I was standing and staring straight at my enemy in disbelief. Did I mention I cannot forget that she had shoulder-lengthed hair? I do not know her in real life.

Separating her and him was a desk. A wooden desk. No idea where that came from and how I could remember it being made of wood. But we seemed to be transported into an office view with my husband as the boss. 

I asked her, "What is your name?"

She replied, "Shining"

Her name was Shining. Who in the world calls themselves Shining? I can only associate her with the horror film "The Shining" which I have never watched before. 

It was a confrontation. However, it wasn't my confrontation and I didn't have the ball in my court. They were the ones confronting me asking me what's my plan because they are going forth with this relationship. 

I looked at my husband. This man in the dream I loved for as long as I remember how to live. He had no guilt in his eyes. He was also waiting for my answer. I plucked up all the courage I had and said, "I want nothing to do with this marriage and I will take our children with us."

Now, Shining was standing in front of my husband on the other side of the desk. I looking straight at them behaving intimately as my husband wrapped his arms around her and put his right palm on her heart, "You cannot take my children away from me. We can still be together, all of us. I just need to fill her love tank and continue loving her."

When I looked into that face of his, he suddenly become someone else. Someone I do not know; a new face and not the one of Meyer's.

I cannot. I refuse to accept that. It was deep deep hurt. It was betrayal. It was so painful I couldn't help but tear as I write now.

Right before me was a telephone. I looked at it. Who was I to call? I think I was hoping I know who to call for help. I needed help. As if Shining knew, she picked up the phone and made a trunk call to whichever country my mother-in-law was. 

"Hello? Please put me to mom." she said. With that, she handed the receiver over to me. 

I briefed my mother-in-law about ending this marriage and taking the children with me. I also told her  that her son wanted the family and he wanted that woman too. My mother-in-law responded, "Okay! Give it to him. Don't leave."

"What? How can I? And how can you accept this other woman who addresses you as Mom over the phone when you haven't even met her?" I exclaimed in disbelief. I finally felt angered. 

At that, I willed myself to wake. 

This nightmare really got to me. The vivid nature was unbelievable down to the mountains and her name. I sat up on my bed and cried. My real life husband had his hand on my back, rubbing it and assuring me silently that it was only a dream even though he didn't know what happened. 

A quick search on the internet returned me with answers like Insecurity, Low Self-Esteem, Abandonment...

I had always thought myself as a confident woman with an abundant amount of positivity. What's with the insecurity when my husband gives the family so much of his time? I'm surprised to find what I read on this dream interpreter search.

So it seems, a cheating dream is a class of its own. It doesn't necessarily mean that your spouse is cheating on you in real life. It is subjective to each person's context. 

I landed on this page at Dream Stop, trying to interpret my own dream. It explained in point number one, "Perhaps your partner is moving ahead in life and starting to make positive changes. If you find yourself being left being, this can create doubt and insecurities. When we are in relationships, it is important to grow together. If one person improves, and the other stays the same, this is going to have an adverse impact on the long term outlook of the relationship."

I know for a fact that a couple should grow together. I saw the distance between my dad and mom when one became stagnant and the other was hungry for more. 

When I was at Meyer's graduation dinner, I watched him from a corner thinking with a glass of white in my hand how charismatic and attractive he actually is. While I, I became a housewife giving up the freedom and achievements from the corporate world. He was obviously enjoying the night in the company of friends, away from being the family man he had always been when we were home. He looked different. More relaxed definitely but responsibilities always pull him back and we cut the night short by going home to the children. 

When he took his scroll on stage that morning, I looked at him with so much pride. I was as proud as a mother and wife can be. Then I fleetingly wondered how far behind I had fallen. He has his Masters now and I'm not matching up. He is progressing and where could I have been if we did this together? Where were my ambitions? Those ambitions that were driven, fiery and full of excitement?

Recently too, he had been asking me what I want to do with my life? Do I want to start a business? What's my goal? My answer was, "I'm just happy being mom at this point in time and have no urge to do anything else really. No ambitions. I just want to bring up the children." but he, he has all these dreams that he doesn't know where to start. 

Personally, I know that abandonment is a big fear in my life. Somehow, somewhere, this fear was forged. From where, how, when, I do not know.

If this happened to us, I will be devastated. I boastfully tell people I will move on with my life. Women are independent nowadays anyway and I am that independent woman. But in actuality, it would crush me to death. 

DAUGHTER

Last week, I dreamt Faye and a bunch of family were swimming in the sea. Suddenly the wave came and everyone went under. I was watching from the jetty, legs dangling down in the waters and my daughter was just near by.

One by one, everyone's head bobbed up but Faye did not. I shouted at my cousin to dive! Find her! At that moment, I was wondering why I hadn't took the plunge into the waters to look for her myself.

I eventually did but the number of minutes that passed could have proved too late.

In the waters, as I was frantically trying to look for her, it suddenly froze. The sea became hardened clay and with that, I could locate Faye better without the waves getting in the way. 

There I saw a body, half-covered in clay on the surface. While everyone was stuck, I could move. I "swam" towards her and pushed her hair away from her face and gave a sigh of relief! Her head was "above waters" and her body stuck in clay. She was breathing and she was safe! 

Thank the stars above that we were given a second chance in life. I would have died with her if she was gone. I felt lost in the dream and was so grateful for this second chance.

A very short but realistic dream that got my heart pounding. I woke up too but unlike the husband cheating dream above, I could go back to sleep. 

I didn't google for an answer on this one because she was eventually saved. It had a good ending even though the trauma was unbearable for most part of it. 

extracted from www.dreams.co.uk

I have difficulties remembering certain dreams. However, these two were so evocative I don't think I'll ever forget them. I am sure something stems from my childhood too to put such thoughts in my subconscious mind. They say dreams are an interpretation of your current struggles.

When I woke this morning, I recounted every detail to The Real Life Living Husband. I couldn't hold back my tears as I unfolded the dream. I shared with him because whenever I speak to him honestly about something that troubles me, I feel less burdened.

He told me to continue writing, date it and keep a copy of how many times I actually dreamt of infidelity and death. These are the two that kept haunting me this year. I might be able to pick out similarities in my recounts and probably make good with my findings - to put myself back on a healthy emotional track again. Then again, part of me don't want to know either.

Maybe that's why I boarded the train to run away.

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