Born a Dragon but Opted for Phase 2C over Alma Mater, ACS

Posted by May August 08, 2018

Born a Dragon but Opted for Phase 2C over Alma Mater, ACS

Disclaimer: This may excite such a furore among ACSians and parents to ACSians and parents to children going to single-gender schools. However, I do request for civility and respect in comments as these are our personal preferences as parents, working in the best interest of our children in an environment we believe in.

Statistically, the Year of the Dragon sees the highest number of birthrates in all twelve years of the Chinese Horoscope. This translates to a surge in demand for a spot in Primary One when every Singaporean kid needs to register for formal education.

Ewan was born in 2012; a Dragon.

However, what is the worry? Even if the demand is going to exceed supply, every Singaporean child will be granted education. Did you know starting from 2019, children with moderate to severe special needs will also need to attend publicly-funded schools, just like all other children in Singapore? So I am not kidding when I say Every Singapore Child Will Be Granted Education.

Then again, comes the "But which school should I register my son in? Of course The Best!"

Anglo-Chinese School's motto reads, THE BEST IS YET TO BE. Sounds like a plan!

Yet, we are not considering ACS for our first-born. There are easy way outs and this is an easy way-out: old boy, Phase 2A(1), school pride...

Every mother of a son I know gave me a "Are You Insane?" response when they found out that my husband was a pure blood ACSian and we could have breezed through the Primary One registration with a seat in Phase 2A. Another mom looked at me wide-eyed, "So many people are doing everything they can to put their sons in ACPS and you are giving up this pot of gold? Why are you taking this risk?"

I don't feel like I would have lost a great deal by opting out of the Anglo-Chinese School system. While I came up with a list of reasons why we do not want ACS, the only real reason is for Ewan and Faye to be in the same school that is near to home. The rest are secondary [but I came up with them nevertheless to convince myself that we made the right choice]. I heaved a sigh of relief after going through all the reasons why we shouldn't enrol our son in an all boys' school:

LOCATION, CONVENIENCE AND PRACTICALITY

I took a drive to ACS one afternoon just to observe the dismissal situation. It wasn't pleasant and definitely not something I want to be part of. Big continental cars [not all to be fair] driven by chauffeurs and parents lined the one kilometre circle of Barker Road where they camped, waiting for their children to be dismissed from school. At the main gate, a congregation of domestic helpers with umbrellas caught up with gossips while waiting for their masters. I did not stay for actual dismissal because I was afraid of getting stuck in that massive jam.

To get from our residence to ACS, it would take 30 minutes [so says Google Maps] and the time spent for that commute is absolutely absurd to us. Not to mention how much earlier I have to drive to the school gate to grab a waiting spot before he comes out. Take a school bus? It'll take even longer for him to get home and earlier to wake in the mornings. I find his health [taking more rests] is more important than commuting to a privileged school.

Then come the question of, "If Ewan goes to ACS and Faye goes to RGPS, how am I to deal with similar dismissal times even though they are on the same stretch of road? Worst still, what if Faye could go home by 2pm and Ewan has CCA till 4pm? Going home is a waste of time, hanging around will only drain Faye!" The amount of time we could have saved from going to a school in our neighbourhood would mean a happier mom and a better rested child.

My parents didn’t think it was important to land me in a prestigious school. They got me into the nearest available school to home and here’s what I’m trying to do as well. Just that our nearest is a pretty popular one. They believed in blooming where I was planted and I didn’t turn out far from being good. And so I comforted myself; a living testimony. As long as the child is brought up morally strong, hardy anything will go wrong with him or her.

I refuse to be their personal chauffeur.

FORGING SIBLING BONDS IN THE SAME SCHOOL

Many different gender siblings I know attend different schools in Primary level and they have very strong bonds still. It is true that family foundations are the strongest and nothing can break that no matter where you are. That is, the family is teaching the children well. I am not very sure if I will screw that up.

Maybe for all they [Ewan and Faye] care, they wouldn't watch each other's backs in Primary School. They are two years apart, different classes and possible on different floors. But I just thought, if Faye got into any kind of trouble for instance or needed moral support for something which she thinks her brother will be able to provide, he is in the same premise! That would be nice to have; someone in the family in the same scary big school school you are in.

Right now in pre-school, I hear teachers sharing how Faye would walk to her brother's class to ask for a hug when she suddenly felt scared or upset about something. Or how they screamed at each other excitedly when they see each other at the playground. Well, I'm not expecting Faye to go walk into a Primary Three classroom to find her brother for a hug [oh how much would it embarrass him?] but they know of each others' presence. There is some kind of security; forging bonds.

COED SCHOOLS SET SEXUALITY FOUNDATIONS

At least this is what I believe. Single gender schools create gender disparity in the minds of students from a young age and do not foster well-rounded socialisation skills. Such segregation could also be considered discriminatory and could give an impression of gender superiority. Feminists? Sexists?

Well, then this topic will have my friends who grew up in single gender schools come bombarding me with, "Oh come on!" and then delete me from their friend list.

Hey truth is, I personally believe that it is important for children at such young delicate age to socialise with both boys and girls. Learning about sexuality, knowing that the boy next to you has a totally different genetical make-up and not being separated by them because we live in a world together with them. I would think this segregation in the whole of their Primary schooling years would invoke a lot more curiosity when they move into their teens, into a co-ed Secondary School for example. I'm not interested in dealing with heightened curiosity in the opposite sex when the time comes.

When I met Meyer, I found him socially awkward amongst the girls. Not as comfortable as the rest who were from coed. Not that it’s a huge dismerit, but erm I had to be the one confessing my liking for him because he couldn’t do it.

Moving onto Secondary School, I'd rather they move from co-ed to single gender but it will have to be based on their own merits this time.

PREFERENCE FOR NON-RELIGIOUS SCHOOLS

Children at seven can be easily moulded and influenced without questions. They believe everything from an adult they respect and trust. Children respect and trust their teachers. Sometimes more than parents as you've heard, "But my teacher says..." Seriously? "But your teacher says?" I am your mother! You don't think what I say are truths?

I won't be able to accept it if one day my child comes home to announce that he has received Christ because of peer pressure. At that age, what do they know?

We prefer a non-religious school for them. Not imparting knowledge on Christianity or Buddhism but really, just teaching very important moral education. We will welcome any religion they choose for themselves if they are able to decipher, able to make their own decisions without influence and to be wise enough to read extensively about different religions. Definitely, not being talked into and having to attend chapel every Friday morning in school just because.

And no, even though Meyer and I are more inclined to the Buddha way of life, we do not talk to them about it or send them to religious institutions because we believe how important it is for a person to find his or her own religion when the time is right. Family influences are so great and we don't see it as fair to instil something so important onto a child; a blank sheet of a child. Just like how we feel disrespected when evangelists or well-minding people try to sell us a religion.

SOCIO-ECONOMIC STATUS OF SCHOOL

It is also the socio-economic status of my husband's Alma Mater that made me decide to embark on a more difficult route, opting for a Phase 2C route to any other school.

I still cannot get over the ACS carnival tickets issue that was blown up all over Singapore about what Principal Peter Tan wrote, "Extra pairs of hands ready and willing to help that day would be great! For instance, we have a parent who has offered to drive in his Ferrari and Maserati to add to the carnival atmosphere," Frankly, that isn't the kind of atmosphere I want my son to be exposed to and definitely not about how many cars or homes your daddy owns.

Then this recent case of iPhone confiscation which led to the school being sued by a parent got me thinking about how self-entitled powerful people can get. I think I prefer to steer clear from that social circle. Just confiscate my son's phone already if he is misbehaving or going against school rules! Wherever he is, he has to learn that mama and papa cannot come to his rescue if he done something to bend the rules of whichever institution he is in.

My husband? He's considered the rich kid. Not the Nassim Hill kind of wealth but rich enough for me to go, "Wah! Why your school allowance so much? Why do you need so much? I get half of yours and can still save a great deal from it."

Ewan and Faye are considered privileged [Read: My Children, They Are Privileged] living in a condominium, have a swimming pool at their doorstep, get driven around in a car, eat well, travel well and more. I think it is important they know this is not the real life out there. Hanging around with people of the same socio-economic status would taint a wrong image in their heads. I want them to grow up in a more diversified environment, one in the neighbourhood of a heartland over private housing.

PLAN FOR GRANDKIDS

This sound ridiculous and way out of the game but I came up with this when the grandparents said, "Huh? But Ewan could easily go to ACS because Meyer's old boy! So why are you denying that trump card? Next time his children can go to ACS!"

Then I rebutted, "Because well, if Ewan has daughters, they cannot go to ACS? Wouldn't a coed school give his children and Faye's children a more secured Primary School future?"

"Maybe his wife is from a girls' school? Then girl can go girls' school and boy can go boys' school what." they interrupted.

Seriously, what's there to interrupt? The word "maybe" wasn't strong enough an argument. So I went, "Maybe his wife has strong beliefs like me that her different gender children should go to a co-ed?" I don't know. The probability of getting all my grandchildren settled for school whether they are girls or boys are higher if we went to a coed.

With all that is said, the risk to take for a Phase 2C in a coed neighbourhood school is worth taking. We went into a Phase2C balloting phase of less than 50% chance and we were greeted with an unsuccessful text this morning before the kids went to school. So, it's the next nearest school available from our home then!

We moved out of our old place to this new neighbourhood because it was time we stopped free-loading on my in-laws two-bedroom apartment since 2011. Faye and Ewan will eventually require rooms of their own.

So since we were going to move, how about taking this chance to move in preparation for Ewan's Primary School enrolment? There are no Primary Schools within two-kilometres from where we were so pinpointing a new location that has the most number of school options within the one to two kilometres radius plus not going too far away from their grandparents sound like a plan.

I did try to Parent Volunteer [PV] but the application got rejected. I then asked Meyer if I should join the grassroots to bump our chances up to Phase2B but his reply made more sense, "The purpose of you staying at home is to be with the family and to stay present for the children. Not for you to go spend hours away on weekends on serving the community just to get him into a school of your choice."

He added, "When you believe in something, believe in it wholeheartedly. Do not waver from course. Do not think of the What Ifs but only the Whens." His words are gold and I absolutely love his positivity. Even more amazed by him when he agrees that ACS wouldn't be the right choice for Ewan and Faye after being an ACSian all his life.

It is my passion to serve. I would love to join the PV of the school my children are in and will serve through their schooling years. Not only will it help me understand the school's culture better, my children and I will have a common involvement to bind us over the next six years - their primary school. I think this is most important going forward.

LIFE BEYOND GRADES:

Taboo Words At Home

My Children, They Are Privileged

No Academic Enrichments for Pre-Schoolers