Protecting our Family

I miss my children even when they are in the next room. Do you have this "problem"? Or is this an obsession? My husband looked at me and said in Hokkien, "Le ay tao nao wu dao ji si bo?" literally translated to "Your brain got problem is it?"

I LOVE MY KIDS CAN? *hahah* I remember I felt the same towards him pre-kids. He would drop me off at work and 10 minutes later, I'd text him, "I miss you already." See? I LOVE MY HUSBAND TOO!

Ewan goes over to my dad's for sleepovers once a month. They would have preferred it to be weekly but my children have schedules packed to the brim every weekend. Not packed with enrichment classes but playdates and fun dates! We had been attending birthday parties, going for picnics, watching musicals and spending time at the parks. When we finally have a free weekend, we'd indulge the grandparents with the company of their grandchildren. 

Ewan cannot contain his excitement whenever I proclaim that he was going on a sleepover with the grands. His eyes will light up and he would gasp in anticipation when our doorbell rings, "Is that 公公 and PatPat?". He would drop everything, even in the thick of his favorite game and dash towards the door! Sometimes he gets so high, he screams when he sees them. Of course we are happy that they have such a great relationship! That he loves them so much is also very heartwarming. All children deserve to be loved by their grandparents and all grandparents deserve to enjoy the opportunity of being grands. 

But, I miss him every time he is away. Not terribly much but just an occasional nag at the back of the heart. Oh of course if I was on a holiday and happily enjoying myself, I'd probably not miss them at all! Goes to show how much I am in need of an adult-only trip. Digressed.

He knows. Ewan knows that I will miss him. Maybe it is in the tone of my voice or my body language. I inevitably show it to him - my reluctance. Yet, I do not want to deprive him and his grandparents off precious bonding time! Also, daddy and I would like to spend one-on-one time with baby Faye as well.

He would ever so sweetly squeeze me real tight and assure me that tomorrow will come very quickly as we say our goodbyes. It was only this weekend that he went away. He spoke to me softly with endearing eyes, as if prepping his mommy to a night without him, "妹妹 will take care of you okay? I am going to 公公's house already. I love you." then he bat his eyelids. *hahahh* Can you imagine?Behind that mischievous facade, who would have thought my son has a candied-glaced tongue. I couldn't help but hug them both siblings close to my chest right after that.

He can also sense my playful jealousy towards daddy. When daddy picked his little sister up for a cuddle, he eagerly rushed towards them and asked to be carried as well. I stood there in a corner and sulked. Ewan turned to me and said, "Mommy wait ok? I will hug you soon!" Oh how I wish he'd be this sensitive towards my emotions when he grows up and I can't help but wonder if our baby sugarplum will be as emotionally-charged as her brother.

When news of the Sabah quake came in, I dived right into the shoes of the victims' parents. What if my children were victimised by the work of nature? A 6.0-magnitude quake struck on Friday, 5th of June 2015 which affected the safety of young Singaporeans who were in Mt Kinabalu for an expedition. Thankfully, the teams from Greenridge Primary School and Fuchun Primary School were accounted for and have returned safely to Singapore the very next day. With great grief, the bodies of six pupils and a teacher from Tanjong Katong Primary School were found. It is with regret that a teacher and a student are still missing today. I follow this piece of news with a heavy heart. They are only a bunch of 12 year olds.

As a child, I had many opportunities to travel with the school on field trips. I would get all feverish by the thought that I was going to take a plane with my friends! Most importantly, without my parents! It made me felt all grown up and responsible. When my mother gave a downright No to any of these educational immersions, I would throw a fit and get really mad at her. Why didn't she understand how important it was for me. Why didn't she care or think about what I want? Why must she keep protecting me as if I am a little girl? I want freedom! I want to be heard! I hated being clipped and our relationship went downhill in my teens because of that. 

The problem was, I never saw her worries but only her domineering side. In our time, when our parents say No, it meant No. There is no need for any explanations or cajoling unlike now. Our children are lucky that we spend a lot of time [A LOT] explaining to them about our concerns or making sure that we tackle the problem without bruising their egos. But parents will always be parents. We want to protect and ensure the utmost safety of our children. If there are paths to be taken that project danger, we steer clear of them as much as possible. I understand my mother's rigid decisions now. I was her only daughter. She cannot lose me because if she did, she would have lost herself. 

I am certain there are parents involved in this Mt Kinabalu expedition that went, "Oh Thank God I did not sign his consent form!" and "Every bone in me told me not to let her go but I still did..." or even "See? I told you this is a mistake for letting her go!".

There are regrets and there will be arguments. Meyer and I spoke about this incident and we agreed that we can never protect our children forever. Obviously, we will never be able to keep our wee ones in a snow globe and keep them safe from harm. We will always be on tenterhooks whenever they leave the country on school expeditions such as this. We will always wonder if they had proper meals, kept warm and slept well without our watchful eyes. At the same time, we cannot put their learning journey on halt just because we are afraid that something bad might befall on them. Oh maybe I will try. I will say No first and watch their reactions. If they accept my No, Yay! I get to keep them at home! However, if it meant a lot to them to go for that first camp in Ubin at 8, fly away on a school trip to Cambodia at 12 or apply to be an air-stewardess at 20, we would still have to let them go. With a very heavy heart, knowing all the dangers that lurk behind, we will have to let them go. 

Meyer asked, "Does it make you feel better if we were with the children when a disaster like this happened? It wouldn't for me."

I thought about it and no it wouldn't for me either. Whether they are with us or not, we Do Not want anything bad to happen to them. It will not make us feel any better if we were in the thick of things with them. We want the whole family to be safe, all the time. Yet (a big fat YET), we cannot clip their wings and deprive them from exposure. This tragedy made me introspect and found answers to my parenting style. Nobody wants to put their children in danger but there's only so much "protection" we can offer. Too much and we can be doing them a disfavor.

Ewan and Faye, the world is your teacher and Life is a lesson. Know very well that we are always thinking after you, in everything you do. 

"Through gaps between the frosted glass panels guarding the room, crying 12-year-olds were seen running into the open arms of waiting parents and grandparents. Fathers were seen sobbing quietly, relieved their children were home... 

The students and their parents let out cries of joy and relief as they were reunited in the private holding room at Changi Airport Terminal 2." 

- The New Paper

I cannot help but tear as I read this. No parents should go through this Mt Kinabalu tragedy. If only we could, we will put you in pretty little snow globes and protect you forever beneath our wings.

If only. 

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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life. 
We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.