Project Babyless Bangkok: First Couple Trip After Being Parents

After seven years of parenthood, Meyer and I finally went off for a couple getaway last week. We booked ourselves into Bali to attend a friend’s wedding and I know we will be having a smashing good time, finally socialising with adults without having to worry about nap times or hungry little bellies. We will be experiencing what 24 hours feels like in a day like when we once had. After parenthood, 24 hours never seem to be ever enough. 

As soon as we were invited to this long-awaited wedding, I told Meyer about it and we had our flights booked in two days! I was raring to go and when he suggested we left the kids behind, my heart actually skipped a beat from excitement. I mean, is this really coming true? I want!

It took us this long because we felt bad about asking the grandparents to slog hard at home with the children while we take off for our own enjoyment. We would never have asked for permission to leave the children behind but had been secretly wishing they would offer *hahaha* Besides, Ewan wasn't ready to re-do sleepovers [regression: he used to sleepover at gramps when he was little and when he turned four, he decided he couldn't] until this year. Every attempt for him to sleepover had him running home in tears by midnight. But it had since changed. Ewan and Faye had several successful nights away from us this year and we jumped on the opportunity to go on this trip.

Then some seven weeks ago, I suddenly had these crazy anxiety/paranoia/uneasiness about this trip. No it doesn’t feel like I was guilt-tripping because Ewan and Faye would be going away on their own parent-free holiday with their gramps! But I think it had something to do with Ewan not accepting the arrangement we thought we had considerately made. He started crying and rejected this arrangement of Mom-and-Dad-in-Bali-while-Ewan-and-Faye-holiday-with-公公 situation. “I want the whole family to be together! I don’t want anyone to be left behind. I will miss daddy. I cannot live without him!” he cried. 

Oh dear. Thereafter, I had been having intermittent sleepless nights thinking about the worsts that might happen. Volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, tsunamis! Well, there were no tsunamis reported in Bali but I thought about the possibility of having an epicentre in the ocean which may cause a possible tsunami. It frightened me so much that I would tear at the thought of a terrible disaster that may befall upon us. I’m not afraid of death. I am afraid of what the stigma my children have to endure when we are gone. The living suffers. 

To top this fear up, I had been dreaming about running away from big massive waves as far back as I was a kid. I know nothing will come up over the dates we were booked into Bali - 19 to 22 October 2018 - but tsunamis in my dreams scare me. It has been haunting me every day towards our trip. 

Then I convinced Meyer we had to draw up a will just in case we couldn’t make it back. But the problem was, we do not know who to will the children to! Not about who we can trust but more about how much burden we will place on the shoulders of the appointed guardians. But I also know this would be uncalled for. Families don’t see such issues as burdens. I know because I will gladly be a guardian to my loved ones in a heartbeat. 

What broke the camel’s back was two Fridays ago, when I received a text in the cinema from a friend while watching Small Foot with the family, “Three dead, IMF summit shaken as strong quake hits Indonesia's Java, Bali”. Just seven days before our flight out, I turned to my husband and said “I think I really can’t do this. Let’s cancel it. My heart is very heavy.” and we did. 

Our tickets are non-cancellable but we could change destination. A quick check and we made up our minds for Bangkok instead so as not to lose nor top up too much money from our original tickets. The heart isn’t that heavy now but I don’t think I’d ever want to do a couple trip again. Oh that’s so sad to hear. I almost suggested [okay, I suggested] to Meyer about going to Bintan with the children just so we can be together. 

We needed this time to rekindle and a trip like would do us good. While couple dates are short lived for a few hours before returning home to our daily routines, couple trips give us an extra few days of time off to rejuvenate and recalibrate. Possibly coming home stronger and more appreciative of what we had been losing sight of. We must be fortunate to be given this opportunity even though it’s seven years later.

It’s a dilemma. 

Do we stay safe and not take travel risk at all? But that’s not living life to its fullest isn’t it? Life is fragile and unpredictable. It can be taken away from us anytime anywhere. It doesn’t just take a holiday to an island with natural disasters.

Or do we carpe diem and c'est la vie? If shit happens, it happens. We won’t be living a life if we have to consider everything to the bone. If things have to end, it just means our fate with the people we love has ended.

It is unlike me to even think about this because I had always been in the Life Life To The Fullest camp. I remember when I was younger [early twenties] and was heading to a country also ladened with natural disasters at that time. I considered cancelling it. Then my dad said, "Seriously, if you have to consider so much in life, you will always be stuck. Just go for it." He taught me to live dangerously *hahah* Well, that was 50 year old him. I wonder the 64 year old him today would think otherwise. 

But with responsibilities more than just ourselves today, we listened to my fears [nothing happened in Bali and thank goodness nothing] and went to Bangkok for the weekend instead. I think we both had a major misunderstanding with regards to this trip. Meyer went ahead with this couple holiday because he thought I wanted it. I agreed to this getaway because I thought he really wanted private time with me. All those while, I was half-hearted about not bringing the children but told myself that spending time with my husband was of utmost importance. I shouldn’t doubt it at all.

As soon as Ewan saw his dad when we reached Singapore, he ran towards him and jumped high into his arms. Meyer commented, “I think we don’t need to do couple trips anymore lah hor? Just bring them along wherever we go.” Awwww the daddy’s heart. But never say never!

*hahahhaah* I wasn’t offended really. He finally felt it! I went on my own mommy-only trips [Bangkok and Sri Lanka] before and I must say, it did me really good emotionally and mentally but I think I enjoy my holidays better with my children. I cannot wait to go on our next Solo-Parenting Holiday just like the one we did in Taipei!

Whatever misunderstanding, I am glad we made it. It think it did us good. We finally re-lived what it felt like to do things a couple does without parental curfews, going home after midnight and not having to clean children up before we plonk ourselves onto our own feathery soft pillows *grins*  We walked for miles, we ran in the rain, we soaked in the tub, we went for three hour long spa treatments, we queued for hours for food, we held only our hands and thinking only for ourselves this time. The most refreshing experience there must be “I finally woke up when my body was ready to wake; no little faces staring back at me when I open my eyes startling me wide awake!” *hahah* Oh but those adorable faces.

Did the children enjoy themselves in Bintan? Other than the first night with Ewan sobbing for Daddy, missing him too much, they had a blast!

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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life. 

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