How Motherhood Has Changed Me

Posted by May October 25, 2017

How Motherhood Has Changed Me

1. I DON'T SING ANYMORE

I used to sing. A lot. Every single day in fact. Meyer and I talked on the phone every night for as long as we dated [nine years, 3285 days]. There wasn't always something to talk about and I would just keep him on the line while I sang [and sang and sang]. He was a great listener! Well, at least I know he was listening and hadn't put me on mute because his phone [not mobile phone] back then had no such feature.

I continued singing through my pregnancy with my first-born but stopped ever since he was born. I was overwhelmed with my new-born and spent most of my time catching up on sleep, trying to understand why he cried so much, how to put him to sleep without rocking him under the light for two hours and if I should give in to formula milk. I just wasn't in the mood to sing.

After I finally found enlightenment to mother successfully, I was pregnant again.

If I do sing, it is to the Trolls soundtrack blasting in my car.

2. MY MEALS [AND SLEEPING HOURS] BECAME IRREGULAR

When I was breastfeeding, I was hungry all the time. I ate whenever my tummy rumbled. There's no breakfast, lunch or dinner but "Eat Whenever Hungry"! I could even have two lunches [a plate of chicken rice and a bowl of fishball noodles] at one go! That is what breastfeeding did to me.

Then I stopped breastfeeding and my appetite became so poor, I wouldn't be able to eat lunch if I had breakfast. Sometimes, I feed myself only brunch because morning me-times [when the kids are in school] are so precious, I choose to run errands over eating.

Oh same goes with sleep. I sleep when I cannot open my eyes any longer and that could be 2300 hours, 2100 hours or 0400 hours.

3. WHAT IS SOCIAL LIFE?

Facebook and Instagram. That's my life.

If you have a social life after becoming mother, your support system must be tight as tick! We do not have such luxuries. Or rather, my children refuse to stay over at any grandparents'.

I spend a lot of time on social media platforms trying to seek some sort of connection with people. Is this the reason I blog? Par of it, yes!

It is getting better now that the children are off to school for the morning and back at lunch. I plan in social gatherings over brunches with friends which gives me the opportunity to Speak Adult for a change.

Look! Motherhood is getting better!

4. I COOK!

I am not fond of the kitchen and if I could, I'd rather not step into one. I love to eat but prefer to be served by people who can cook.

It isn't possible to run away from cooking responsibilities after becoming mom. Who else are the children dependent on to put food at their table? Grandmothers. Alas. We do not live with any grandparents.

So that leaves me. The Stay At Home Mom who cannot cook, to try her hand in cooking!

I attempted and it was tough in the beginning. Every time I chopped something, my baby had to cry. By the time the husband's home, I was still not ready to cook. But practice makes perfect!

Today, my children clean up their plates with simple dishes I put before them. Although they do not look aesthetically appetising or gives out flavourful bursts of colours with every bite, Ewan and Faye always give me the thumbs up sign.

The biggest motivation for a mom who doesn't cook; domesticating me.

5. BECAME LESS JUDGEMENTAL

I judge! But not anymore.

"It is already 2130 hours! It is so late! What kind of mother let their children sleep so late?"

Excuse me for being so bitchy because only after becoming mom, I realised not all children sleep at 1800 hours! Tried as we might, when we cannot get our babies to sleep by 2300 hours, we resort to bringing them out for a spin. And since we were out driving, how about stopping for prata? There. Made ourselves Parents Of The Century.

"Have children for what when you walk so care-freely with your shopping bags hanging from your delicate arms while your helper struggles with your baby behind you?"

To those whom I walked past harbouring this thought, I am sorry. You could have been battling with tantrums the past hour with your baby but I only saw you looking all relaxed after your helper offered to take over for a bit. I know after having my own babies that a change of hand is one of the best way to help soothe a crying child.

"What kind of parents let their child throw a tantrum and make such a big fuss in public spaces?"

Oh I do that now. If you see me looking all so nonchalant, watching my daughter throw a fit on the floor, please know that she had been giving me a super rough day. I would appreciate you not coming up to me and go "Tsk. Know how to be a mother or not?" but silently offer me nods of encouragement. If you come over and give me a hug, I would probably burst out crying from all the stress.

For those who judge and do not understand, oh don't worry. You will when you become a parent. I sure am glad I developed a lot more empathy than I ever had in the lifetime before kids.

6. OFFICIALLY DECLARED MYSELF AN EFFECTIVE SOLO-PARENTER

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I could handle both children and the home so well as a solo-parent. Read SOLO not SINGLE.

My husband travels quite a bit and I had to play the role of mom and dad whenever needed. Staying at home can be rather depressing and I took a leap of faith to bring Ewan and Faye on our first 6D5N overseas trip without daddy when they were just four and two years old.

Then we went on a several solo-parenting road trips to Legoland Malaysia.

It is a Love-Hate relationship being the only parent for most of the days. Although the kids sleep earlier when daddy's overseas, I get to use the family car, the satisfaction of being able to pull through days of solo-parenting and the airport pick-ups are very nice, many other things fall through the cracks too including my emotional well-being.

But it made me stronger and wiser. Not necessarily more patient because towards the end of daddy's returns, I usually burn out.

I declare myself an effective solo-parent today as I looked at the progress of our new home #mmlittle家. How I had to be the one single-handedly work with contractors, painters, electricians and every nitty gritty needed to get our home fully renovated for the big move [This Friday!] while my husband finish his last lap with NUS for his EMBA.

Truth is, motherhood is not a bed of roses. You will cry. You will get furious. You will be confused along the way.

But, you will also learn to love and be loved.

I think the biggest, most important change in me after becoming mother is:

I finally understand and appreciate everything
my mother has ever done for me

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This post is part of the ‘How Motherhood has changed me?’ Blog Train is hosted by Mums & Babies. Read the motherhood stories shared by 40 moms from Singapore, India and USA on this blog train.

Next up is Soumya who blogs at www.thepinkdazzle.com about natural and organic skincare, DIYs, natural product reviews, lifesstyle, her motherhood journey and kids recipes. She is a part time community manager and a full time mommy to her 3 year old daughter, Sarah. Head to her blog for everything natural.