A Son's Love for His Dad

Daddy had been away more often than not for the past 18 months. On top of work trips, he had to travel for school too. The EMBA course at National University of Singapore requires their students to travel South East Asia for studies- Japan, Shanghai, Jakarta, Sydney, India and Singapore. The amount of time I spent solo-parenting made me quite an expert by now. So much so, I have written 20 blog posts on solo-parenting itself! That's absurd!

Meyer is on the way back from his work trip from Italy [right now as I write!] and it looks like his last travel of the year. In fact, we will be having him back at home more permanently than ever because he has graduated from his course! *happy dance happy dance*

That said, the last week had been most challenging for me and Ewan. Worst week of 2017!

I wouldn't say he had been defiant. He had, however, been very cranky. Hmmm he had been rude. He would cry at lunch because the food presented to him was not to his liking. He would throw a fuss when I asked him politely to come in for a shower. He snatched a toy from his sister's hand. He kicked her when I got him to return the toy. He refused to split the paint job of the third naked dinosaur [one for Faye, one for Ewan and I said to share the last one by painting half-and-half]. He insisted that his sister could not go onto the MegaBounce because he couldn't [he was sick]. 

Selfish. 

I was so disappointed [and angry] with him that I took out the cane and spewed parenting profanities that I never allowed at home. These are bad "swear words" that I cannot accept my children using:

Hate "I hate it when I raise my voice Ewan! I hate it when you make me say things [the word hate] out of anger!" I prefer using I Really Do Not Like It.

Shit "Why are you talking to me so rudely and treating me like shit!" Even if we are talking about bird shit, I always replace the word with poop.

I love him! I love him so much that I cried more than I should while disciplining his tyrant ways. Tears of disappointment, despair and exhaustion as I explained to him about his unacceptable behaviour. Each time, he would run after me crying uncontrollably about how much he loves me and how he needed me. 

"You broke my heart for speaking to me this rudely Ewan." I said calmly through his cries. 

Right at that moment, Faye ran out of her room [she had been staying away, clever lass] and touched my leg, "I will give you a rainbow heart Mommy" Oh don't get me started on the tantrums she threw but this is about my first-born. 

I looked back at everything. 

Ewan had been sick the night before daddy left for Italy. He had the shivers, fever, cough and flu. A quick visit to the doctor's told us that he was suffering from middle ear and upper respiratory infection. I was overseeing the new house RenoWorks with him by my side because he couldn't go to school the whole week. 

He was sick and I was overworked. Most importantly, I do not believe that being ill meant they could get away with misbehaviour.

Our dynamics were totally off and the ever patient me, couldn't take another piece of nonsense. 

He was also terribly affected by his father's absence. 

Last Tuesday, we had casual conversations over dinner and Pat asked the children what do they think about before bed every night. Ewan replied, 

"In and out of the house, sleeping and awake, I only think of one thing:

My Father." 

We laughed because that is the sweetest thing to hear! We laughed because this free-spirited, gregarious and unconstrained boy is so lovingly emotional. We knew we should have stifled our laughter because it was a solemn moment for him but it was truly sweet to the ears to hear.

That night before bed, he asked for a glass of water and added,

"I'm so sick and sad and thirsty because I need dada but dada is not around."

Ouch.

Every night of the week, he had something to say and they all pointed to the unconditional love he has for dada. When I offered to lie down with him on his bed to sleep, he didn't allow me to. That space, that void, is daddy's spot. I think if I took it, it will spoil the magic for him. 

"My bed is only for me n dada. 

I miss dada! I miss my daddy!" 

With that, he cried uncontrollably.

Ever since Meyer left, they didn't FaceTime or talk on the phone. I offered to give daddy a call every night before sleep but each time, he rejected. I believe he was afraid he would break into tears when he saw his father's face. I asked him why and he replied with all honesty, "We can just talk in our brains." Wow Meyer! I didn't know Ewan and you shared this special bond so deep that you've got telepathy! I am so proud of this father and son relationship. They must have bonded really tight from my pregnancy with Faye. Especially the time when I had to be hospitalised for a full month in preparation of her birth. Meyer was his main caregiver, father, mother and Best Friend. 

With all that happened in the week, it was Sunday that had the most tears, anger and hugs. I felt inadequate, almost at breaking point. That night, I told him in his sleep at 0100 hours, "I love you". He opened his eyes and looked at me so very briefly before drifting back to sleep,

"I love da da."

I was not jealous. I remember I smiled and was very happy that he loved his dad so very much.  At least daddy, you know you have done something right these five years of parenthood for your mini-me!

Ewan loves me to death too. I know this because he tells me all the time. Just wished the week hadn't been so emotional for him because I could have used a smoother sailing solo-parenting week. 

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We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.