Come! See Who Taller?

Seriously? What are adults trying to suggest? That taller is better, stronger prevails and the fastest wins the race?

Oh come on. The tallest, strongest and fastest may not have the kindest heart which in my opinion, matters most. 

As long as you show care and concern for the smallest and weakest living thing next to you my child, it does not matter if you are losing the race in society's terms. Because to me, you are already a champ by lending a helping hand.

I do not like my children to be compared between each other or against others as a benchmark. You may argue, "Then how can you drive your child to do better if there's no competition?" I want my children to know that their greatest competitor is in fact, themselves [Read: In Life, Your Greatest Competitor Is Yourself]. We do not start comparing them and their abilities to others because we are all different! Physically or mentally, we are never the same as the next person. 

I wish for my son to eat faster but I never threatened him with, "Faster eat ah! If not you are going to lose to 妹妹. Hurry up! See who wins." Frankly, what's the point? Oh sure. It boosts the winner's ego but what does it do to the loser? Crushes it.

Unfortunately, I cannot change the mindset of other well-meaning [kaypo] aunties. They listen to these comparisons put blatantly in their faces and they actually think that the tallest, strongest and fastest are actually the way to be! Ewan and Faye would sometimes rush for the lift button and my son would go, "Ha Ha! I pressed first!"

"No Son. There is no competition in this. No first or second. Please do not do that again." I would remind him.

The last thing I want is to raise a pair of siblings trying to outdo each other all the time.

I grew up being compared all the time. To my younger cousins who caught me up in height year after year, who ate faster than me and who scored better for English, Maths and Science. I would get conditions like, "If you do well in this year's exams, I will bring you to Disneyland" or "If you learn to eat faster, I'll bring you to Compass Rose."

I had been judged and placed against my "competitors" so much that I simply strived no further! I was not them and they are not me. I will not work hard just to prove that I can be better than them. I should work hard for myself and not anyone else. So I said, "Ok. Don't go Disneyland then and it doesn't matter if I ate at Compass Rose." I hated the comparisons and I chose to sit out.

I learnt from a lesson in Secondary School that winning a race is not everything. [So is not being short a lose out]

I found out what I was good at - running. I was the school's marathon runner and I would take part in all races - 100m dash, 200m, 400m, 800m and 4x100m. Winning makes me feel good when I'm on the tracks and I gave myself a lot more pressure for relays because I had to answer not only to myself but to my teammates and the whole class!

At this particular race, I was competing against one of the school's fastest runner in my category. I remember her name. She is Wani and she was a good friend [we lost contact after graduation]. It was the last 100m sprint and we were both giving our all. It was either she or me for the big win when she suddenly tripped and fell.

I stopped. Short at my tracks with so many thoughts that came rushing in! The angel said, "Pick her up May! She's bleeding at her knee." but the devil interrupted, "If you go now, you are Number One!"

The whole stadium went quiet.

I turned around, towards Wani and was about to give her my hand when she said, "Go May! You go for it! Don't turn back!"

I went for it. The devil in me wanted that trophy.

Did I feel good about it after? No I did not. Regrets mostly for wanting something so material when I could have done a nobler act. It would have been a bigger win if I picked her up and crossed the finishing line together. Not everything is a competition.

Magazines are portraying skinny waists and pretty faces as The Perfect Girl. I am sorry but my daughter does not need to be five feet seven inches tall and owns high cheekbones to be beautiful. And I am not going to make her think she is ugly in any way if she does not look like that model in the magazine. I will not compare her to anyone for she is Not Them! 

Neither will I be less proud of my son if he is going to be just-a-storeman guarding artilleries instead of a commander who wears a red beret in the Army. Every soldier is important in whatever role they play to protect his country. I will not be boasting if he is a PES A and I will not ask why your kiddo is a PES C. And stop telling me that it's so pitiful he isn't tall like his dad.

So I plead. Do not compete your children against their peers but most importantly, stop comparing mine. The Tortoise and The Hare is your best example.

Back to "Come! See Who Taller?", why crush a child's self-esteem? What are adults trying to get out of this question really.

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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life. 
We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.