A Lesson on Being Strong - Not Physically, But Mentally

Daddy:

Ewan, who do you think is a better man?

The one who knocks out the other guy in a fight?

Or the one who chooses to walk away?

At Seven, three days shy of you turning Eight, you answered, "The one who knocks out the other guy of course!" You shuffled your feet Ali-style, slightly moving them off the ground with your fists close to your cheeks ready for a fight. "I'm going to put that guy down and win it! Who would say NO to a challenge? I wouldn't."

The room echoed the sound of mommy and daddy's, "OOOOooOOOhhh Ho Hooooooo"

We laughed, half-expecting you to choose the former half-hoping you choose the latter. We laughed because our son isn't a wimp but that laughter also carried a tinge of worry. We went on to discuss in depth the meaning of strength. The meaning behind Being Strong and what we hope you'd define yourself as strong when you are put in a dangerous dilemma outside home. At a place we aren't there to give you advice.

You were in disbelief when we said the better man, the stronger person, is the one who chooses to walk away. 

"How can the one who walked away be the better man! He didn't win the fight!" you interrupted. 

Well son, that's because he had self-control and we all know that's really very hard to achieve. It is much easier to be reactive. How difficult it is to say NO to temptations or NO to a dare! 

Daddy asked you how can a person be a better man after winning the fight when his opponent is down on the ground injured? Maybe blood everywhere, a broken limb and totally knocked out? The better person is the one offering his hand to help even if it meant walking away.

The sports we watch and the life we live reward the last man standing. Survival of the fittest is the world of animals. We are animals but we are gifted with a very powerful organ called the brain. We learnt this together from a Science programme we watched remember? That no robots can ever replace the power of our human brain. Our brain controls not only our limbs but also our actions and with good practice, we can control our emotions in different situations. 

We would like you to consider the perspective from the other side too. The side that is victimised. The other side also includes the people you love; your family. 

I shared my view as your mom, "If you went into a fight and got really beaten up. I'd be so sad, scared and worried! Imagine a call from the hospital saying you were banged up, broken nose or something!"

You teared. You imagined how I frantic and worried I could have been and that got you sad to tears. Although you are impulsive, you empathise really well too. I hope you will let all these scenarios run though your head while being challenged into a fight one day. 公公 says this is a boy's rite of passage and daddy thinks maybe you will get to understand this concept only after experiencing one for yourself. 

I continued, "If you won the fight and that other kid was badly injured, I'd be sadder than if it was you who got injured."

With a shocking voice, you asked me why! "Now, that's because I would be extremely apologetic to that kid, his parents, your teachers and myself! I will have to make up for your wrong-doings because I feel responsible for your actions as your mommy. I will definitely feel sadder if you were the aggressor."

Being strong doesn't mean muscles. 

Being strong means knowing when to step up, step away or step in. 

Being strong can be mental and not just physical. 

The strongest man I know move mountains without a physical fight.

You added, "Yes. Like Muhammad Ali right? He chose not to fight at the Vietnam War because he felt it was wrong. And like Ghandi, he chose not to fight in his protest but protested in silence instead."

Yes, I'm glad the books we read got into you one way or another. Beliefs are important. Fighting for sport and fighting for the kill [or hurt] are different.

And that is why I introduce meditation to you two at such a young age son. So that you can train not only your brawn through Wushu, but also your brain for self-control.

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