Life Beyond Grades: I Scored 190 for PSLE
One-Ninety. That is my PSLE score. A for English, B for Math, B for Science and B for Chinese - I didn’t forget. Do you see me as a failure today?
For one, I know my kids call me a Champ!
I entered Primary One at six years old, joining the 1981 cohort as a 1982. Some commented I’m such a genius! Others say, I have one extra year to fool around. But these weren't the reasons my parents approached education with me differently from others. They, in the ‘80s, already saw the truth behind Life Beyond Grades. My well-being and happiness was of utmost importance to them.
They recognised my strengths and championed my natural gifts. Many of their words shaped me to believe that there is more than life than chasing As. The As they would like to cultivate in me were Attitude and Aptitude. The altitude of a successful youth consists of Attitude + Aptitude. Do you know which quotient bears a heavier weight? Attitude.
Daniel Goleman, a psychologist, science journalist and author of best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, said, “At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces.”
Other EQ researchers, Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf consider this too conservative. In their book, Executive EQ: Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations, they write, “— IQ may be related to as little as 4 percent of real-world success — over 90 percent may be related to other forms of intelligence — it is emotional intelligence not IQ or raw brain power alone, that underpins many of the best decisions, the most dynamic and profitable organizations, and the most satisfying and successful lives."
My father once told me as I was mugging through my test for the next day,
Other EQ researchers, Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf consider this too conservative. In their book, Executive EQ: Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations, they write, “— IQ may be related to as little as 4 percent of real-world success — over 90 percent may be related to other forms of intelligence — it is emotional intelligence not IQ or raw brain power alone, that underpins many of the best decisions, the most dynamic and profitable organizations, and the most satisfying and successful lives."
My father once told me as I was mugging through my test for the next day,
"It's late. Time to sleep. Rest is more important than passing tomorrow's test. Fail if you must. Prepare in advance next time."
I was terrified of failure. Maybe from peer pressure, maybe from my ego. Then I learnt: Failure in exams is not failure in life. When you fail, you have to stand up and try again! Giving up at failure IS failure.
I saw my first red mark in Primary Six. The crucial PSLE year all parents are so terrified of. My parents? They decided to move house and with that move, had me changed to another Primary School for convenience. They overestimated my ability to adapt. I was a prefect at my old school, model student, monitoress, teacher’s pet, independent and more. What can I not handle?
Truth be told, I was dealing with emotional anxiety to make new friends, assimilate to a new culture, staying overnights between our not-so-ready new house and my grandmother's. I cried many nights because it had been tough as I get punished in school for not remembering certain books on certain days, for missing my friends and for a pre-teen who was actually afraid of change. All that emotional stress threw my school performance out the window. But I learnt something else in the midst of this change.
Resilience.
I was disappointed with the results. For sure I was. 190 sounds stupid but does it define me?
Parents are pushing children hard through PSLE because it puts a promising future ahead of them if they went to a relatively good Secondary School. There will be a better chance of them going to a Junior College and thereafter, University. If I finished my Primary School education without much emotional drama, I doubt I would get such a result and probably go to a better Secondary School. Yet, following the path I took, I still graduated from University at 21; enjoying school as it should be.
With 190, I was given the option of Express or Normal Stream in Secondary School. I opted for the Express, Pure Sciences stream in a neighbourhood school. Truth be told, I was embarrassed to be labelled as a Normal student. What if we saw it from another perspective? Normal simply means normal; not stupid. Express means accelerated. Hopefully, one day, our children will be labelled less because labelling can be demoralising. The reason we are shifting mindsets today with Life Beyond Grades.
Education matters. Grades might be important to set you aside from another job applicant. Working hard for what you want is fundamental. We should definitely strive for excellence but excellence in the child's context. Not all children are made the same. Some are more artistic than others, some are more academic. If she cannot perform well enough to land her in prestigious schools, will you tell her you are still proud of her? Because she could paint the most beautiful landscape a 12 year old could ever paint. Or she has a gift of glib that can turn any sour situation right. Or a heart of gold that touches everyone she meets.
Although Ewan and Faye are born by the same set of parents and will be given the same opportunities, they are little people of their own. Their natures are different and so we cannot be benchmarking them all the same.
My mom once told me,
I am 100% certain that I climbed the corporate ladder so quickly not just from the knowledge imparted in me through education but also from my ability to manage people and situations.
When I went out to work after graduating from University, my first interviewer asked me “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” What a bold answer I returned, “Your position.” He laughed at my ambitious young self and said “How can you? It took me 10 years!” Now now. Don’t say it too soon because before he had time to hold up his jaw, I surpassed him in just 5 with a Director title to my name.
I went into an industry which I was passionate in and I started from naught [Read: When I was a Butler at Raffles Hotel]. I worked hard and proved myself to everyone who belittled me. I did crappy shift hours, I polished shoes and washed fruits, ironed clothes and things a graduate would find too lowly to do. Before I know it, I was heading a sales department driving wedding revenue in for the hotel.
When I thought it became stagnant for me, I left my job and started my own business. Being an entrepreneur and doing what I was passionate about gave me life again. I would spend the whole night working on my business concept and designing my own logo without feeling drained the next day. The adrenaline rush was real and the excitement was exhilarating.
I saw success in my days at Raffles Hotel as an employee and I saw success as I embarked on a new journey running my own business. Most importantly, I went to work happy. It had never been a chore and I give credit to the way my parents had shaped me. The confidence my parents gave me made the difference,
Today, I am a Stay At Home Mom by choice. I have landed myself in a job as a writer by chance. I truly enjoy what I do now as I spend quality time with my family and yet earn a nice side income from my writings [no, this article is not paid].
I took my time to find myself and I was given this chance because my parents forced no expectations of their own on me.
All that I’ve learnt, studied and worked hard for did not come to nothing. Don’t go telling educated Stay At Home Moms that all their years of studying had been wasted by being mom. Education is never a waste because our children are picking our brains every single day - our experiences, our knowledge and our values. When we are ready to head back in the corporate world, we will and we can.
We define success differently at different stages. When it was once the corporate ladder, it is today this family portrait.
25 years after PSLE, here I am. Deeming this family as my current success.
Happy.
Was I born privileged to be given this forward-looking parenting style?
When my parents got married, they couldn't afford their own home. They stayed with my uncle until I was three. My mother had only an 'O' Level certificate and my father took his degree when I was in Primary School. They worked very hard to get to where they were/are.
To have a HDB roof above my head, to have a family, to be able to afford a stay-in helper, to be given an education and not worry about three meals a day, I say I am privileged.
My mother wasn't study material; a dreamer. She excelled her way through sales and fashion designing. My father wasn't studious too; an opportunist. Today, he succeeded in life for the benefit of his offsprings [grandchildren included].
Can I say they had the mindset of an average parent rather than a mindset of a high SES person? I admit I didn't have to work to support our household income when it was time for me to step into the corporate world. I got to do what I liked and earning an initial income of S$1.2k a month wasn't going to put my family in the ditch.
What I believed contributed to my happiness and success as a person was the support my parents gave for me to explore and learn at my own pace. In the midst, still stressing that hard work needs to be put into every success. Yet, grades do not define me as a person because my attitude does.
A talk with a girlfriend over lunch this week had me nodding in agreement that if a child was born underprivileged, the only success route he knows is to study hard and get a good job! Acknowledged. Meds and Law students are required to clinch good grades for Med and Law School. In some circumstances, grades are indeed important! Especially a useful tool to break out of poverty. Yes! Please! Strive for excellence but don't forget also to find balance in school. Play hard, work smart.
I admit, the high SES kids have all the advantage. They can experiment with life because they will always have something to fall back on. But low SESes? They have no contacts, no networks and confirm stamp chop cannot fool around with life and education. Study hard but know that if your best is not comparable to the creme of the crop academic-wise, it doesn't mean you will not succeed in life. It really doesn't.
This movement wasn't conceived to tell Singaporeans not to bother about grades and school. It is to remind parents, myself included, to not judge our children by an academic yardstick because if they have smarts in other places, those smarts should also be celebrated. To look beyond what we have all been so focused on. It is cry for parents to look from another perspective for everyone, low or high SES.
I am writing because I am afraid of the increasing depression level in children here in Singapore. I am writing because I am afraid I'd fall deeper into this trap of chasing the lesser things in life.
I saw my first red mark in Primary Six. The crucial PSLE year all parents are so terrified of. My parents? They decided to move house and with that move, had me changed to another Primary School for convenience. They overestimated my ability to adapt. I was a prefect at my old school, model student, monitoress, teacher’s pet, independent and more. What can I not handle?
Truth be told, I was dealing with emotional anxiety to make new friends, assimilate to a new culture, staying overnights between our not-so-ready new house and my grandmother's. I cried many nights because it had been tough as I get punished in school for not remembering certain books on certain days, for missing my friends and for a pre-teen who was actually afraid of change. All that emotional stress threw my school performance out the window. But I learnt something else in the midst of this change.
Resilience.
I was disappointed with the results. For sure I was. 190 sounds stupid but does it define me?
Parents are pushing children hard through PSLE because it puts a promising future ahead of them if they went to a relatively good Secondary School. There will be a better chance of them going to a Junior College and thereafter, University. If I finished my Primary School education without much emotional drama, I doubt I would get such a result and probably go to a better Secondary School. Yet, following the path I took, I still graduated from University at 21; enjoying school as it should be.
With 190, I was given the option of Express or Normal Stream in Secondary School. I opted for the Express, Pure Sciences stream in a neighbourhood school. Truth be told, I was embarrassed to be labelled as a Normal student. What if we saw it from another perspective? Normal simply means normal; not stupid. Express means accelerated. Hopefully, one day, our children will be labelled less because labelling can be demoralising. The reason we are shifting mindsets today with Life Beyond Grades.
Education matters. Grades might be important to set you aside from another job applicant. Working hard for what you want is fundamental. We should definitely strive for excellence but excellence in the child's context. Not all children are made the same. Some are more artistic than others, some are more academic. If she cannot perform well enough to land her in prestigious schools, will you tell her you are still proud of her? Because she could paint the most beautiful landscape a 12 year old could ever paint. Or she has a gift of glib that can turn any sour situation right. Or a heart of gold that touches everyone she meets.
Although Ewan and Faye are born by the same set of parents and will be given the same opportunities, they are little people of their own. Their natures are different and so we cannot be benchmarking them all the same.
My mom once told me,
“Don’t you think just because you are a graduate, it entitles you to a managerial role on your comfy chair. Understand humility and starting from scratch will set you out differently from others. Do not be afraid of hardship and do not complain about salary. When you prove yourself right, the path will naturally be paved for you. Faster than you can ever imagine.”
I am 100% certain that I climbed the corporate ladder so quickly not just from the knowledge imparted in me through education but also from my ability to manage people and situations.
When I went out to work after graduating from University, my first interviewer asked me “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” What a bold answer I returned, “Your position.” He laughed at my ambitious young self and said “How can you? It took me 10 years!” Now now. Don’t say it too soon because before he had time to hold up his jaw, I surpassed him in just 5 with a Director title to my name.
I went into an industry which I was passionate in and I started from naught [Read: When I was a Butler at Raffles Hotel]. I worked hard and proved myself to everyone who belittled me. I did crappy shift hours, I polished shoes and washed fruits, ironed clothes and things a graduate would find too lowly to do. Before I know it, I was heading a sales department driving wedding revenue in for the hotel.
When I thought it became stagnant for me, I left my job and started my own business. Being an entrepreneur and doing what I was passionate about gave me life again. I would spend the whole night working on my business concept and designing my own logo without feeling drained the next day. The adrenaline rush was real and the excitement was exhilarating.
I saw success in my days at Raffles Hotel as an employee and I saw success as I embarked on a new journey running my own business. Most importantly, I went to work happy. It had never been a chore and I give credit to the way my parents had shaped me. The confidence my parents gave me made the difference,
"Take your time. Find yourself. Give yourself more credit than the results in your report cards."
Today, I am a Stay At Home Mom by choice. I have landed myself in a job as a writer by chance. I truly enjoy what I do now as I spend quality time with my family and yet earn a nice side income from my writings [no, this article is not paid].
I took my time to find myself and I was given this chance because my parents forced no expectations of their own on me.
All that I’ve learnt, studied and worked hard for did not come to nothing. Don’t go telling educated Stay At Home Moms that all their years of studying had been wasted by being mom. Education is never a waste because our children are picking our brains every single day - our experiences, our knowledge and our values. When we are ready to head back in the corporate world, we will and we can.
We define success differently at different stages. When it was once the corporate ladder, it is today this family portrait.
25 years after PSLE, here I am. Deeming this family as my current success.
Happy.
IS THIS IDEALISTIC INITIATIVE MEANT ONLY FOR THE RICH?
Was I born privileged to be given this forward-looking parenting style?
When my parents got married, they couldn't afford their own home. They stayed with my uncle until I was three. My mother had only an 'O' Level certificate and my father took his degree when I was in Primary School. They worked very hard to get to where they were/are.
To have a HDB roof above my head, to have a family, to be able to afford a stay-in helper, to be given an education and not worry about three meals a day, I say I am privileged.
My mother wasn't study material; a dreamer. She excelled her way through sales and fashion designing. My father wasn't studious too; an opportunist. Today, he succeeded in life for the benefit of his offsprings [grandchildren included].
Can I say they had the mindset of an average parent rather than a mindset of a high SES person? I admit I didn't have to work to support our household income when it was time for me to step into the corporate world. I got to do what I liked and earning an initial income of S$1.2k a month wasn't going to put my family in the ditch.
What I believed contributed to my happiness and success as a person was the support my parents gave for me to explore and learn at my own pace. In the midst, still stressing that hard work needs to be put into every success. Yet, grades do not define me as a person because my attitude does.
A talk with a girlfriend over lunch this week had me nodding in agreement that if a child was born underprivileged, the only success route he knows is to study hard and get a good job! Acknowledged. Meds and Law students are required to clinch good grades for Med and Law School. In some circumstances, grades are indeed important! Especially a useful tool to break out of poverty. Yes! Please! Strive for excellence but don't forget also to find balance in school. Play hard, work smart.
I admit, the high SES kids have all the advantage. They can experiment with life because they will always have something to fall back on. But low SESes? They have no contacts, no networks and confirm stamp chop cannot fool around with life and education. Study hard but know that if your best is not comparable to the creme of the crop academic-wise, it doesn't mean you will not succeed in life. It really doesn't.
This movement wasn't conceived to tell Singaporeans not to bother about grades and school. It is to remind parents, myself included, to not judge our children by an academic yardstick because if they have smarts in other places, those smarts should also be celebrated. To look beyond what we have all been so focused on. It is cry for parents to look from another perspective for everyone, low or high SES.
I am writing because I am afraid of the increasing depression level in children here in Singapore. I am writing because I am afraid I'd fall deeper into this trap of chasing the lesser things in life.
LIFE BEYOND GRADES:
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