The day I lost my son to a stranger

Read: Stranger Danger - How to be a Responsible Stranger

Ewan's middle name is Gregarious. Yang Gregarious Ewan. *hahha* jokes aside, he is a very sociable baby. He allows anyone to carry him. He plays with everyone. He says goodbye to us when our friends bring him out. He says Hello to Strangers in the lift and can strike a conversation easily. We struggled about this affable characteristic - if it was a good or bad trait. But I decided that it was something I should be proud of. 

Until he walked away with a stranger and we lost him for five gruelling minutes. I never have thought I will lose him even for a minute. What a failure I had been as a mom with a title like that. 

I have to date this. 

On the 7th of August 2016, we attended a friend's First Month Party. It was a private party in a condominium's function room. The function room was all-glass and we could see every commotion inside-out. After settling Ewan's lunch, we gave him the green light to kick-scoot with his friend just outside the function room. I went out with him to check on the surroundings and decided to head back to enjoy my own lunch. After all, there was one pair of eyes watching the boys. The other kid's grandfather. 

Meyer and I stayed indoors with Faye. We were finishing up on our lunch when Meyer announced, "Your son is missing." I fretted not a wee bit because how lost can he be since someone is watching him? 

We walked out with Faye for a quick look and saw the other boy's grandparents searching frantically for their grandson. My worries started to elevate. So. Ewan was really lost. He wasn't in the toilet, not outdoors, not hidden in the other entertainment rooms and there in the corner of that premise was a long winding slope that leads you to the driveway of the condominium. Oh my goodness! Did he scoot right down this ramp and get hit by a car!

The function room is surrounded by swimming pool. Did he jump in and get himself into trouble?

A million little echoes [Oh hey! This came in handy? Pun unintended.] drowned my thoughts and I kept thinking where he might have gone! I could only think of the worst-case scenarios and those were really frightening.

Suddenly, we found his friend. 

Me: "Oh my goodness! Where is Ewan? Where did you both go?

Boy: "I don't know."

Me: "You were playing together right? Where did he go?"

Boy: "Ewan went off with my daddy's Army friend."

Me: "What's his name!"

Boy: "Daniel."

Me: "No No. Not your father's name. Your daddy's friend's name."

Boy: "I don't know."

Me: "Oh gosh. Let's go find your dad and ask him."

So we finally found Ewan after Daniel made a quick call to who he thinks this Army friend might be. 

As I watched him talk on a one-sided conversation, I was wishing with all my might that Ewan was with his friend. At least, he was not knocked down by a car, drowned in some pool or KIDNAPPED! 

"Ah! Ewan is with you? Ok. Where are you? Playground? Where's the Playground?"

I remember I looked very calm despite all the things that went through my head. I had no idea where the playground was but dashed towards an instinctive direction. As soon as I laid eyes on my son, I turned around and thanked the people who helped me locate Ewan. I even gave a smile to this Army friend who was there with my son, watching him climb a spider web obstacle. 

Ewan saw me and waved excitedly with a, "Mommy! Mommy! Look! I'm climbing!"

I turned all stern and harsh immediately. Got him to come right down to where I was and gave him a steely talking to. My son. He looked at me, confused. Wondering why I was so upset! 

I expressed my heartfelt disappointment in him walking away with a stranger. I expected my son to know better or at least checked with me if he could go play somewhere else. Him leaving without asking is absolutely unacceptable. I know he was excited. Especially an active outdoorsy kid like him. A question like "Do you want to go to the playground?" is a no-brainer YES! Then off he skipped away. 

What if it was a bait? What if this stranger was not a good person? What if he was gone forever? 

And all I got from Ewan was, "But he is not a bad person." 

Oh my word. 

I did not want to go through all the frightening examples of what might happen should he lands in a bad person's clutch. But I had to because he doesn't seem to understand the consequence of walking away with strangers. 

Sorry I had to do this Ewan,

"If this was a bad person, you will be brought to another country and have your limbs chopped off. He will put you on the streets and make you beg for money that you will never get to keep. I do not know where to find you and you will cry all day for me because you are so scared! These bad people will find you so irritating with all your cries, they will cut your tongue out. You will bleed and suffer so much. You will never be able to come home anymore."

Well, that finally got into him. 

I added that a stranger could be a woman, a man or a child. An offer of playgrounds, lollipops and chocolates should not be accepted as long as they are strangers. I have yet to share with him about the danger of someone saying, "I am your mommy's friend and she cannot come today. She asked me to take you home." Oh I should remind him later today. 

Do not take anything for granted. 

"Watch your kid with your own eyes"

Because our children are no one else's responsibility unless you can trust them [and they are willing to watch over your children for a short while].

I remember I was drilled into not talking to strangers when I was a kid. One day, I got lost at Galleries Lafayette [remember that shoppings mall?]. I stood at the ladies department wailing loudly for my mother. A group of ladies surrounded me, trying to help. They kept asking me what was my mother's name and if I knew her telephone number. I remember very vividly that I was not supposed to open doors to strangers, talk to strangers or tell them private details of my life! So. I just stood there crying, refusing to share any details until my mom found me. 

Food for Thought:

What do you think? Is it wise to not talk to strangers at all? How can we encourage our children be sociable and wary at the same time? I do not want to lose my child yet, I do not want him to lose his conversational trait. Where do you draw the line?

Yesterday in the lift - a lady spoke to us and she praised Ewan's command of English. How learned he sounded for a four year old. She tried to strike a conversation with Ewan, asking him his name and where he was going? My son did not look at her nor did he respond. I do find that a little rude yet it was I who told him about the dangers when it comes to speaking to strangers. I shared with this lady that we taught him to be wary of strangers and she gave our a big laugh, agreeing that safety should come first for sure! 

My dad said that could be the wrong approach because it is true he looked rather rude when he did not reply. I am torn. I am on the fence. What would you do?

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