Faye Goes To School

January 2016 started off with a monumental milestone. 19-month old Faye is officially a school-going kid! She is no stranger to the pre-school because we've been picking 哥哥 up on a daily basis. However, that didn't mean she will take on her new class with no tears. Parents are given three days of accompanied time in class with our little ones and I must say, this is mostly in place for the adults to adapt to the new change. Our children take a faster time to settle into their new environment if we lingered lesser around them. Yet, I'm sure that certain schools of thoughts will encourage parents to be with their children for as long as they need to feel comfortable in school - taking the attachment-parenting approach.

I chose to stay because I wanted to exercise my rights to be able to watch Faye interact with the teachers and get to know her classmates (and their parents) better. I was torn for months before 2016 as to whether I should (1) send her to school, (2) let her start in January or (3) start her half-way into the year. It was a mental struggle. Every day, I made a different decision. Sometimes in a span of 30 minutes, I come up to a different conclusion.

I had many doubts but the biggest one was, "Why am I sending my one and a half year old baby to school when I am a SAHM?" I queried myself similarly when we sent Ewan at the same age. Back then, I was carrying Faye but the pregnancy wasn't smooth-sailing. To assure my family that I will not over-work, I reluctantly agreed to have Ewan sent to a pre-school. It broke my heart and my ideals of keeping my child home for as long as I could. I had a valid reason then to send Ewan. What excuse do I have with sending Faye now?

The husband and I discussed. We wanted to give her the same opportunities as her brother. Looking at how beneficial pre-school was for Ewan, we thought it'll only be right that Faye gets exposed to interactive play with friends of her age as well. There are so many advantages to joining a playgroup  as opposed to spending all her time with her mommy - she gets to problem solve, co-operate and share; make new friends and discover new experiences; improves language development and communication; learn more about herself through play and really, have fun. Lastly, I get that morning half of the day to myself.

When Meyer suggested I took a day off (my birthday) and head out for a full day of Me-Time, I declined. He assured me that the children will be taken care of and I could get my nails done, hair coloured, legs waxed or even shop a mall down. I had always complained about not having time for myself and when the offer was placed on the table, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do for myself that I'd be truly happy with! Three and a half years of motherhood had left me incapacitated of knowing how to enjoy myself. I've always lived by the rule: Do Not Let The Children Rule Your Life. In fact, I never thought I did because we are always out and about; travelling from Vietnam to Italy without worrying if our children were too young. However, I now believe (to some extent) that they have ruled my life. Especially when I couldn't even find joy spending time alone without them.

Absence makes the heart grows fonder. When we reunite at the end of school day, I am sure we will appreciate each other a lot more. Less angsty, less edginess and a lot more love. It is about time I learn how to strike a healthy balance between living my life and living for them.

I decided at the eleventh hour to have her commence school at the start of the year, joining a group of newbies who will be crying together with her from separation anxiety. Our little girl is still being nursed and she depends on me greatly for her milk intake because she refuses bottles. That is also the cause of me waking up four times a night just to nurse her back to sleep. I needed to set some things straight and to train her to sleep without suckling is the first on my list. We both need restful nights especially for her to battle half a morning worth of play while skipping her morning nap. We both worked very hard on it and succeeded a week before ushering 2016 in. She is now falling asleep to music and sleeping through the night! "Perfect", I thought and it was.

On the first day of school, I stayed from start to end with her. I gave her space to explore her new classroom and moved in occasionally when she wanted to play with me. She was really friendly to the new girls that came in and offered them toys to ease their anxieties. What a great start! I almost believed there will be no crying until she asked to be nursed. I stood my ground and told her we couldn't do that in school. Oh how she cried. After that, she was all cranky and inseparable. Thank goodness for lively teachers, she was distracted by the music and dance movement they put together. Back to her usual chirpy self in no time!

I was also pleasantly surprise by how she'd taken meal times in school so well. Our little girl is well-known to be a fussy eater. In fact, she could skip all three meals a day and survive only on breastmilk. We didn't like that at all and hoping peer pressure in school will make a difference in her eating habits. I couldn't believe my eyes when she ate so well at the table, self-feeding and all, and even asked for second helpings. Did she wake up on 4th of January and decided to become a foodie? I didn't know she could self-feed? To think the grandparents had been trying to force feed her for months! I am proud of her new-found independence. Unbelievable to all, Faye became the peer that pressurised the rest in class to eat properly at meal times.


On the second day of school, I decided to play the devil for 90 minutes towards the end of school. She was happily playing in a corner when whispered into her ears, "Mommy will step out for a while alright? I'll only be sitting outside so I am just nearby." She dropped everything and clung onto my legs, refusing to let me go. I was surprised she understood what I said actually...

I left her with the teachers and walked out. Sat on the bench outside and listened to thirty minutes of very hard crying. Her teacher carried her the whole while and the parents inside came out to give me updates of her progress. I hid from plain sight and was relieved when she finally stopped. I snuck my camera in and had a dad photograph Faye on my behalf. What a reassuring picture of her laughing with her teacher after those wails of anguish.

I picked her up after she was done with her lunch. Instead of running to me with tears flowing down her cheeks, she greeted me with a happy smile and a cheerful, "Mommy!". We held each other in a tight embrace and I was so proud of her. The littlest girl in class.

On the third day of school, Meyer and I dropped her off at her classroom and said our Goodbyes. She cried immediately. I camped outside her classroom just for observation purposes unlike Ewan's time when I dropped-and-go on Day 3. I brought along my MacDonald's breakfast and even before I took my third bite into the Sausage McMuffin, she had stopped. Faye cried for only a minute and I was totally impressed. Once in a while, I caught a little cry but they were nothing like the second day's cry of pain. I opened my laptop and started to blog.

It was nice to have free access on the school's grounds because I got to walk to the big children's clutter of classrooms to watch Ewan as he played in the sand pit and participated actively in class activities. If he ever told me he doesn't like school, that's such a lie! There's always a sparkle in his eyes when he played catch with his friends or meowed like a cat in class with his friends. I hid behind a pillar and recorded a conversation he shared with his classmates at snack time and it was innocently adorable!

I rounded up with Faye after three hours at the water play section. She saw me from afar and again greeted me with a resounding, "Mommy!". She was elated to find me standing there waiting for her that she walked and laughed at the same time. It was gratifying. I love Water Play days because that meant one less duty for me when we get back! The child will be bathed by the teachers after Water Play which meant they will be returned to me all clean and yummy!

The teachers filled me in on the three hours they've spent with her and shared that she has a very strong sense of comprehension and adaptability. Faye was upset at snack time and started to bawl. She then pointed to the far end of the canteen and cried, "哥哥!" Pushed her teacher to bring her to her brother and he calmed her down with a hug. This is the reason why I love having siblings in the same school. The same reason why we are opting out of his dad's alma matar - an all boys primary school - to put them in a co-ed instead.

I learnt a lot about my daughter these three days and I watched her adapt, discern and interact. She is feisty, strong and resilient but not ferocious enough to fend off fellow bullies. The other girls are half a head taller than she is and they are territorial. Faye was pushed several times for playing with toys they wanted for themselves and I worry for my daughter. The initial worry was more of hoping Faye doesn't learn their bullying ways from spending time with them on a daily basis. That changed into worrying about her being bullied because bullying is real. For now, I tell myself to trust her teachers. After all, the ratio is three teachers to seven children for a start.

Ewan took all of ten days to stop crying when daddy dropped him off at school. How many days are you betting on Faye?

Edit [14.01.16] :: Day 9. Daddy's very rushed text report, "Never cry today. Almost a smile when see her Teachers too. But when passed to Ji laoshi she had the biggest frown and holding back her tears. But got show bye to me."

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