Life Beyond Grades: I Pledge To Communicate Consciously

“I pledge to you that your grades are important, but it is more important to be kind, having empathy and being helpful to others.” 

This is the line I chose to pledge, together with many who believed in it, and lent my voice to this meaningful cause - "Pledge For Our Youth”. 

It is easy to talk but not that easy to walk. 

Why? 

Pressure from school, peers and from how we were being brought up as children to be banded by grades. 

I personally feel my decision to not join any class group chats has given me the liberty to be pressure-free. To be honest, we have direct access to communicate with teachers who can give us non-toxic, straight-forward and no-nonsense comments. That's all we need to get updated about homework, tests, or understand our child's progress, strengths and weaknesses.

We are also very fortunate that Ewan's teachers haven’t been putting pressure on us, one way or another. Well, he had been coming home with full marks [85 was his lowest] for his subjects whether they are spelling, 听写 or spring tests this year. So really, there’s nothing to complain about. Except for Chinese spring tests. He handed me his 8.5 over 20 paper towards the end of this term. And still, I received no pressure from his teachers to ask us to “pull up our socks”.

I was ashamed of my reaction though: “Huh? You fail Chinese? Oh my goodness why? You’ve been getting mostly 100s for your 听写s and you failed this paper?” I flipped through the pages and frowned. His daddy's Chinese is atrocious and yet, he let out a, "How can anyone fail anything in Primary One? I didn't even."

Oh my goodness. Hearing this from the sideline woke me up. It felt horrible just hearing it even if it's not commented my way. I cannot imagine how Ewan must have felt. Immediately, we were apologetic. These words came blurting out so naturally and so unconsciously spoken. Terribly ashamed because this wasn't what I envisioned ourselves to be with all these talk about emotional health over grades the entire of last year.

What I've learnt in our first year in Primary School? It is easy to forget what we pledge with so many more environmental factors around us so we need to keep reminded. 

Almost as quickly, I snapped out of it. Why did I react this way? This wasn’t what I’ve told myself I should behave before the start of Primary One. We want to celebrate strengths and support weaknesses; not put down weaknesses? I forgot all these talk I did about Life Beyond Grades! What a hypocrite! I apologised to my son. I am clearer today more than ever.

I took the chance to explain to Ewan [and myself as I spoke out loud] that results should not be our biggest concern. Work Attitude and Effort are more important. Being Kind and Grateful are even more important. Being Happy is most important. Of course, without forgetting our responsibilities as student, child, adult or parent no matter which stage of life we are at.

I’ve since set the Pledge Card on my kitchen top to remind me of the kind of parent I want to be for my children. As I cook for the family every day, I get grounded and reminded of my direction.

Apparently, he Tikam-ed his answers through his Chinese spring test because the comprehension passage looked too long and too cumbersome to read, the words he learnt through the year for 听写 he had given them all back to his teacher week after week.

I am thankful that his Chinese teacher did not initiate any chats with me about needing to send him for enrichments. She only sent assurances that this test was set just for her to know if her students understood what she had taught them all year. There was no need to panic or get overly concerned about a Primary One spring test. I think she’s really trying to tell parents, “Education is a journey.” 

In fact, his form teachers [English and Chinese teachers] worked overnight to create personal achievement certificates for every child in the class. Ewan got “The Most Spirited” award celebrating his strengths and another "Award" to celebrate his efforts in his progress from illegible handwriting to legible handwriting *haha* All these conducted in class, recognising each and every student's strengths.

I am heartened that his teachers are making effort to teach their children that Effort Matters more. 

Daddy also came back home last Friday with valuable lessons about Communication. Faye's kindergarten organised a Parent-And-Child Engagement session on the last day of school. She nominated daddy to go with her. It was a very meaningful three hour session in my opinion. Meyer and Faye spent time reading storybooks together, walked through and admired all the art showcase the children had created for the year and even had breakfast together in her classroom!

Parent and child were separated for the second half of the programme where they attended their own workshops. A workshop for the kids and another for the adults. According to Meyer, her kindergarten hired a facilitator to share the importance of story-telling in the Parents Only workshop. She then said something that sent shivers down the spines of many parents:

"Suicide rates are getting higher in Singapore and children attempting suicide are getting younger"

Oh my goodness! Younger!? What kind of pressure have they been facing and how fragile are our children today? I don't think our grandparents communicate a lot with our parents when they were young but our parents were also more resilient than the generations after them.

Today, families are encouraged to focus on communication and this facilitator believes in communicating through storybooks. She enlightened parents that storytelling isn't just reading text from Page 1 to 10. It is about asking questions along the way. It is about role-playing. It is about talking beyond the story and bringing these morals into real life scenarios.

While it creates bond, it also solves the problem of lack of communication between parents and children. Many parents are excited that their children can finally read and they can dust their hands off bedtime stories [me included]. But our children still love it when we read to them. I think we should still spend time reading together with them because it is an opportunity for us to give them insights to what they learn in the books they read.

PSLE results are released tomorrow. 

Do we think our children are ready for it? If they are not, let’s be ready for them and be conscious of our reactions to keep their mental and emotional health at the top of everyone's mind. Encouraging them that no matter what score they receive, there are many paths in life, and there is time to grow into each of their strengths. 

1. Head to our website at https://lifebeyondgrades.sg/blog/pledge-for-our-youth/

2. Choose from and download one or more of our pledge boards.

3. Print it out.

4. Take a photo with it and post it on your Facebook or Instagram account.

5. Tag us: @LifeBeyondGrades #LifeBeyondGrades #PledgeForOurYouth

PLEDGE FOR OUR YOUTH 

I pledge that I will not be a competitive parent, Education is not a race. 

I pledge to let you develop your own passion and interests and not impose mine on you. 

I pledge to love and support you, to not compare you to others, every child is different. 

I pledge to celebrate your strengths, and help you navigate your own path, there are many paths in life. 

 I pledge to you that your grades are important, but it is more important to be kind, having empathy and being helpful to others. 

 I pledge to be here to support you mentally and emotionally, your mental health is more important than any grade. 

 I pledge my understanding that an exam is only a grade, your well-being and self-confidence is more important, there is Life Beyond Grades

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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life. 

We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.