Five Going On 15
Faye Faye.
You've been really clingy at the start of the year when we moved you to your new pre-school. At drop-off, you'd always insist on me standing right next to you as your teacher conducted the morning routine checks - temperature, ulcers, spots on hands in case of HFMD. For 10 months, you would hold my hand tightly or if my hands were full, you'd grab a part of my shirt not willing for me to leave your side. If your teacher checked your right hand, you'd hold onto me with your left. When your teacher checked your left hand, you'd hold onto me with your right. That part of school during the temperature check is actually out of bounds to parents. All your friends enter "the zone" on their own but you... you always needed me around.
Fast forward to somewhere in the middle of October, you decided that you could go to school on your own. I was having breakfast at the coffee shop after we sent your brother off to school and you said, "Mommy, I know the way to school. Can I go on my own?"
You are only five!
I told you to wait till I was done but you assured me that it's no big feat. It's just a straight path down to your school gate and you know your way. I love your confidence, your independence and how you are feeling all so secured in the inside. You've always been the one who observes and never too hasty. I trust you can. I just don't trust the people walking around you.
Mommy didn't want to clip your wings and tell you things like "You are too young" or "I don't think you are ready". I want to be that mom you know who trusts you for who you are. I fought with myself inside my head [and heart] but told you to run along and keep safe.
You ran! As fast as you could for a 100m or so. You didn't even stop for a second to turn around. I stuffed the lasts of my 叉烧包 in my mouth and ran after you. Not right behind you but parallel to you. Greeneries separated you from me and I made sure you didn't see me. I know how it feels like to be able to be independent, doing things on your own. My mom never allowed me to take the public transport home when I felt I was ready. Hmmm but I was 10 at that time. Repeat: You are only five. But I guess you are more ready than I was!
Knowing how rejections felt like, I wanted to give you what I had't been given. But Mommy made sure you never left my sight. Secretly, I watched you and the people around you.
That's what parents do! They protect their young. No matter if you are five or 15, we will be that invisible net if you ever do fall. There will be so many decisions we make that you may not agree with; like today when you got angry with daddy when he suggested you don't go to school on your own. But baby girl, it's all out of love. Don't get mad at the people who love you most? Try to pick up the rationale behind our grown-up decisions and this I write for you to read when you are going through a stage of hormonal changes [at 15 years of age I hope].
Right now, your mind is five going on 15. I feel like I am already deep at work with my teenage daughter. I learnt from this morning's episode that you yearn for trust and despise authoritative parenting. We will learn from one another and hopefully when you become a real teenager, we could have a best gal pal kind of relationship. I really would be terrified and heartbroken if we went into a runaway-from-home-mom-shouting-at-daughter kind of tie-in.
THIS MORNING
Faye: I'll go to school again on my own after dropping 哥哥 off okay?
Dad: Why don't you sit with mom and I for breakfast first?
Faye: Don't want. You both can sit for breakfast. I go on my own.
Dad: Sometimes I want to go to school with you to say goodbye too.
Faye: *upset* You stay in the car. Don't come out. I will go to school from the carpark. I can!
Dad: It's too early Faye. Join us at breakfast?
Faye: I Don't Want! I'm going now.
Dad: Let's at least go buy your breakfast at the bakery?
Faye: You go and buy and bring it to me after you Had your breakfast.
Dad: Aiyo! The bakery is just here! Let's just go buy first and we will let you go on your own ok?
Faye: No.
Dad: *looks at mom and I gestured to let you go* Ok. See you later. Will say goodbye to you in school at temperature check.
Faye: No need to say goodbye. You don't have to come. I'll go in myself.
And off you went, leaving your parents stranded in the middle of nowhere watching you go. It was both amusing and somber baby girl. We cannot believe how adamant you are and you literally left us jaw-dropped, not knowing what to do next.
Daddy went to buy you your breakfast and I told him I'll keep watch, following you behind. This time, I followed you BEHIND. You turned around a million times with your angry face checking if I was following. You saw me when your turned around and that put me off my stride. I stood there stationary, 50m from you. You stood there stationary looking back at me. I gave you a shy wave but you ignored me! Continued on your walk to school and left me wondering what's on your little grown-up mind?
So many people were walking against the traffic from you, heading to work and heading to school. They must have figured out I'm the mom "walking" her kid to school; even though we were separated by a distance. One mom smiled and asked me surprisingly, "Your daughter? She's so good! So independent!" I was dumfounded. Was it something I should be proud of? Ya really, maybe, yes, definitely! So brave! Yet, a little sad the yearn for independence came too soon.
It seems like you are ready but your parents aren't quite.
That said, trust. I hope to inculcate that deep into you - that you can trust me and of course, I, you.
Daddy asked 哥哥 if he heard what you said. "She wants to go to school on her own!" daddy repeated to Ewan. 哥哥's eyes opened so big I thought they might pop out! When we reached his school, he told me, "Make sure you send 妹妹 to school ah!" Although he's always showing that nonchalant attitude towards you 妹, he's also protective of you.
When I told my old friends [老朋友] about you, friends who knew me from when I was 16, they all sang in unison, "Faye is So You! The YOU who doesn't accept help from people. The YOU who is headstrong. The YOU who cannot be swayed when you've made a decision."
Oh really!!!!!!!?????
Cross my heart, I couldn't tell!
So since You are Me, I should know better how to handle you. That's by letting you live and Be You.
Knowing how rejections felt like, I wanted to give you what I had't been given. But Mommy made sure you never left my sight. Secretly, I watched you and the people around you.
That's what parents do! They protect their young. No matter if you are five or 15, we will be that invisible net if you ever do fall. There will be so many decisions we make that you may not agree with; like today when you got angry with daddy when he suggested you don't go to school on your own. But baby girl, it's all out of love. Don't get mad at the people who love you most? Try to pick up the rationale behind our grown-up decisions and this I write for you to read when you are going through a stage of hormonal changes [at 15 years of age I hope].
Right now, your mind is five going on 15. I feel like I am already deep at work with my teenage daughter. I learnt from this morning's episode that you yearn for trust and despise authoritative parenting. We will learn from one another and hopefully when you become a real teenager, we could have a best gal pal kind of relationship. I really would be terrified and heartbroken if we went into a runaway-from-home-mom-shouting-at-daughter kind of tie-in.
THIS MORNING
Faye: I'll go to school again on my own after dropping 哥哥 off okay?
Dad: Why don't you sit with mom and I for breakfast first?
Faye: Don't want. You both can sit for breakfast. I go on my own.
Dad: Sometimes I want to go to school with you to say goodbye too.
Faye: *upset* You stay in the car. Don't come out. I will go to school from the carpark. I can!
Dad: It's too early Faye. Join us at breakfast?
Faye: I Don't Want! I'm going now.
Dad: Let's at least go buy your breakfast at the bakery?
Faye: You go and buy and bring it to me after you Had your breakfast.
Dad: Aiyo! The bakery is just here! Let's just go buy first and we will let you go on your own ok?
Faye: No.
Dad: *looks at mom and I gestured to let you go* Ok. See you later. Will say goodbye to you in school at temperature check.
Faye: No need to say goodbye. You don't have to come. I'll go in myself.
And off you went, leaving your parents stranded in the middle of nowhere watching you go. It was both amusing and somber baby girl. We cannot believe how adamant you are and you literally left us jaw-dropped, not knowing what to do next.
Daddy went to buy you your breakfast and I told him I'll keep watch, following you behind. This time, I followed you BEHIND. You turned around a million times with your angry face checking if I was following. You saw me when your turned around and that put me off my stride. I stood there stationary, 50m from you. You stood there stationary looking back at me. I gave you a shy wave but you ignored me! Continued on your walk to school and left me wondering what's on your little grown-up mind?
So many people were walking against the traffic from you, heading to work and heading to school. They must have figured out I'm the mom "walking" her kid to school; even though we were separated by a distance. One mom smiled and asked me surprisingly, "Your daughter? She's so good! So independent!" I was dumfounded. Was it something I should be proud of? Ya really, maybe, yes, definitely! So brave! Yet, a little sad the yearn for independence came too soon.
It seems like you are ready but your parents aren't quite.
That said, trust. I hope to inculcate that deep into you - that you can trust me and of course, I, you.
Daddy asked 哥哥 if he heard what you said. "She wants to go to school on her own!" daddy repeated to Ewan. 哥哥's eyes opened so big I thought they might pop out! When we reached his school, he told me, "Make sure you send 妹妹 to school ah!" Although he's always showing that nonchalant attitude towards you 妹, he's also protective of you.
When I told my old friends [老朋友] about you, friends who knew me from when I was 16, they all sang in unison, "Faye is So You! The YOU who doesn't accept help from people. The YOU who is headstrong. The YOU who cannot be swayed when you've made a decision."
Oh really!!!!!!!?????
Cross my heart, I couldn't tell!
So since You are Me, I should know better how to handle you. That's by letting you live and Be You.
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