Heart on Palms for Emotional Security

The first month of school for 2021 has come to a close. I hadn't expected Faye to take longer than usual to familiarise herself with school. Just because she's the more independent sibling of the two. 

On her fourth Monday at school drop-off, I got a heart-breaking call from my husband as he recounted to me how Faye was crying really badly at the school gate. To a point a teacher and a security guard had to grab and subdue her. Alright. "Subdue" could be too strong a vocabulary to use but that was how I imagined it to be in my head as I listened on. 

Daddy, "We reached school at 7.20am and she refused to go into school! I had to talk to her for ten minutes as she cried. Ewan pulled her into school already but she pried free and ran out to me! The uncle at the gate had to hold her because he was going to close the gate already. It was 7.30am! I had to ask Ewan to go to class on his own first and don't bother about bringing Faye to class. Otherwise, he might be late. She refused to tell me what is up and the uncle at the gate had to pull in a teacher to help him with her. Crazy!!!! I'm hiding behind the pillar now so that she won't see me. Don't know what's wrong with her lah!"

I knew exactly why she was feeling emotionally destroyed. It was because I was not there to drop her off. Well, that was the only change in our usual routine! It was the first time I decided to stay home and let daddy do the sending.

Dear Faye did not say a word when she was leaving home. She only did whine. I hurried her out of the door because they were running late. I shouted towards her as she dragged her feet away from our main door without turning back, "Bye bye! Love you! See you later!" 

Daddy said she was not any different in the car ride to school and only did breakdown at the gate. 

I messaged her form teacher through ClassDojo and she managed to find out from Faye the reason for her anxiety, "Mommy didn't send me to school."

Awwwwww...

Regret. Guilt. All of that. I wished 1.30pm wouldn't take six hours later to arrive! But I also know Faye bounces back very quickly too so she will be fine the whole time in school.

When we met, we spoke in depth about her emotions and what we can do to communicate better in future. First and foremost, she needs to learn to speak up. If she had wanted me to go to school with her that morning, she should have said it. I, on the other hand, learnt to validate her feelings more than usual during this time. 

My girlfriend suggested a little something to calm her nerves in school when she is away from me. We drew a heart on her palm and one on mine. Whenever Faye misses me, she can look at the heart on her palm to feel my presence. When I miss her, I would do the same. Until we meet again, we will both try to be brave and continue to do the things we need to do individually. 

I improvised it a little to add in an element of fun. 

"This is the Heart Button." I told my daughter. "Whenever you miss me in school, you can press it and I'll receive a hug from you. I will do the same!"

I shared this with her at bedtime that Monday night and I got taken aback by her respond! 

"No. I do not want this. I will think of you even more whenever I see the heart on my palm and it is going to be difficult." she wisely articulated. 

But the next day before we said our goodbyes at the gate, she changed her mind and decided we should give this a try. I drew a heart on her palm and one on mine. I asked Ewan if he wanted one too but he declined. 

Just before we said our goodbyes, I went, "di di di di di di di di di" as I pressed MY heart button several times. She pressed hers and Ewan pressed it too. We looked ridiculous going "di di di di di di di di di" as every one else walked past us. A tight group hug and off my babies went into school.

It was so heart-warming to hear that this Heart on Palm helped her emotionally as she coped with Missing-Mommy in school. Just yesterday, she told me she felt me. She knew I pressed my Heart on My Palm because she felt me hugging her when she was in class. With that, she pressed the button back and sent love my way. 

Her love language is Physical Touch. 

After three days of drawing Hearts, she ran into school today, "Mommy! I don't need to draw hearts on my palm already! Bye Bye!"

p.s. the hearts will fade off on your children's palms so give them a spare Heart Button on their arms hidden in their sleeves okay? 

It is okay that some children take their time to assimilate. We as parents can do our part to validate their feelings to create long-term confidence and security in them.

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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life. 

We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.