Raising Resilient Girls - Raising Faye Strong

Faye surprises me more and more each day. Her rationale is always very sound and her resilience is out of this world strong. There’s really nothing much for me to worry about. She's not the one who gets bullied or takes things too hard that it will send her into a downward spiral. This I say now. People grow up and people change. This may be her now but this may not be her in the future.

She is quiet [almost silent among people she doesn’t hang out often] but her ideas are loud! They are also very clear. She knows exactly what she wants and coming from a five year old, I think she’ll be a no-nonsense gal like her mom. The one who will roll her eyes when someone cracks a lame joke [aiyo so rude hor?] and the one who will not succumb to peer pressure. I've told my kids this story a number of times wishing they will not be swayed by peer pressure.

I remember when I was in Primary School, there were a few occasions when girls in my group would say things like "I do not want to befriend her anymore. If you want to be my friend, you have to stop being her friend. Otherwise, we cannot be friends." I personally found that very childish. Maybe because I am just very level-headed [like she is] and declined my girlfriend's call to betray. I simply told her, "You can unfriend her but you can't ask me to do that. It's a problem between you two. I don't see why I should choose to take up your offer and lose a friend when I can keep you both."

Ewan and Faye nodded at my rationale. Hearing this, I hope they learn to have a voice of their own. Looks like my daughter learnt quite a bit from it! On finding her own voice. 

Children's Day was coming! We had the day planned starting with a trip to NERF Adventure Experience. Even before I went on to share the rest of the day’s itinerary, Faye announced, “I am not going. You can put me in Kylie’s house while you, daddy and kor kor go play at NERF. If Kylie is not home, you can put me in Edo’s house. If he isn’t home, I’m also ok to be at Ryan’s house.” .

Her dad and I had our jaws dropped. 

Mom: Why don’t you go with us? It’s a family day out and it’s Children’s Day! We wanna spend it with you. We will be away for 6 hours you know? Put you in neighbour’s house for 6 hours!!!??? 

Faye: It’s okay. Whole day also can. You can go and play, then come back after.

Dad: Why don’t you go to grandparents house and play with the cousins? 

Faye: Don’t need to leave the house. So troublesome. Just stay at home with an adult can already! 

I tried to persuade her every single day. It is not so nice to bother other people. Six hours is half-day childcare service plus morning snack and lunch! 

Two days before Children’s Day and I was still planning to convince her to come along for NERF. She, who saw mommy not making any arrangements for her, took matters in her own hands! My five year old went to ask Kylie behind my back, “My brother and parents are going to NERF on Friday morning. I am not going. Are you free that day? Can I come to your house?” 

Her friend said SURE and the rest is history. 

p.s. Day before Children’s Day, grandparents offered to spend time with her and she frowned, “I can’t. I have already promised my friend I will go to her house!” We all had a good laugh at this adulting expression. It was if her friend dated her!

I must say, this goes to show we've got very strong neighbourly support where we lived. Faye isn't one who trust people easily. She is very observant and very cautious with people. That is why she is mostly quiet around strangers or even family members/friends she hardly meet. It's difficult to buy her in. Give her a lolli and she will size you up like a murderer! *haha* "This guy is fishy!" she would thought-process that in that discerning mind of hers.

Awwww... it's so cute to hear all of this and more coming from a five year old. Yet, what would it be like when she turns 15 with wings that can fly? I want to believe it would do her more good than harm in that hormonal-strickened body of hers. That she will continue to protect herself fiercely and not come face-to-face with real danger that would have her compromise herself.

What I've yet to share with them about peer pressure is Smoking and Sex. This I wish with all my might they would make sound decisions when the time comes. 

Mommy grew up in my teenage years with great friends. However, sometimes bad company finds its way through your circle. Do you take that cigarette offered to you and let curiosity get the better of you? Or do you put your hand out and say, "No. Thank you." We must learn to respect each other's decision and if your friend doesn't respect yours, you have to know - I'm telling you this from experience - that you need to walk away from that friend. I was never offered that cigarette because I conducted myself well enough to make my smoker friends feel extremely guilty if they even think about forcing one on me. I've also seen my girlfriends getting pressured by boys to get undressed. I didn't have any problems with this because I got into a relationship with one boy who respected me for who I am - your father. The same rule applies - If your boyfriend doesn't respect you for waiting sex out until after marriage, then re-assess the value of your relationship. One can never buy love with one's body. To the son, please don't go breaking any good girl's heart and making them feel like they've been tainted if your relationship goes south. It may cause detrimental emotional wounds to her, more than you could ever imagine. You may move on but she might never. 

There is a need to raise strong and resilient girls because this World's a frightening place for a girl to grow up in. Parents are not able to bubble-wrap our children and no matter how much we remind them the good and the bad, they are the ones who make all final decisions in their lives. I want to raise a strong Faye because I want her to thread on this path of life with no regrets. Even if there are going to be regrets, there is no need to stay fallen when you fall. Rise up and be stronger! Strong also means that she will have to make sound judgment calls in trying situations. But one cannot be strong from helicopter parenting. One cannot be resilient if they haven't stumbled on a difficult obstacle course [mentally or physically] and not learning how to get out of it. I hope I'll teach her enough grit to help her through Life [same for the son].

So don't come telling me my job as a stay home mom is mundane and meant only for the uneducated.  Learning how to parent 24/7 for the past seven years is akin to Rocket Science! We are dealing with the World's toughest and most demanding job. A subject we can only learn through OTJ [On The Job] training.

Is Parenting training me to be a Resilient Mom? Oh yes it is! I'm still being raised resilient!

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