PRINT FEATURE: The Straits Times on Are Asian Kids Sleeping Enough?
Faye has been sleeping 11 hours a day and Ewan 10 to 11 hours.
I had a lot of doubts when I planned for their new sleep routines this year as Ewan transition to Primary One:
- Will they be able to forgo their afternoon naps and hit the sheets earlier than usual?
- Will mommy be able to function without her mid-day downtime?
- Our daily weekday dinners at maternal and paternal grandparents will need to be taken out.
- Which meant mommy has to learn how to cook [which I did for the sake of more sleep]!
- Everyone's routines will be affected.
Looks like all doubts and worries were uncalled for. When parents set boundaries and space for it, the children can easily pick up the flow. We stay firm and disciplined so that our kids will be disciplined.
As Ewan's mornings are going to start a lot earlier than before, 6.30am to be in time to get to school, he needs to sleep earlier to get enough rest to rough the day out. Before this, they take naps every day which account to later sleeping time at 10pm to 11pm. Counting backwards, if we continued the pre-school kind of sleep routine, he would only clock eight hours of sleep. Not ideal in my opinion.
Erm.. my ideal was to have him asleep by 6.30pm. My opinion about sleep is - half of the day awake, half of the day asleep. So that's 24 hours divided by two! Their father thought I was crazy! "You mean I only get to spend 30 minutes with them when I come home from work?' he asked me quite absurdly. *haha* Ok... I compromise. [but when daddy is not in Singapore, I put them to sleep at 6.30pm and it's no problem at all! They sleep through the night clocking 12 hours.]
To spend more time with the kid, daddy comes home a few times a week to have lunch together instead of dining out on his own at the office. We hope to show the kids our commitment as parents when it comes to family time.
The full article on The Sunday Times:
To spend more time with the kid, daddy comes home a few times a week to have lunch together instead of dining out on his own at the office. We hope to show the kids our commitment as parents when it comes to family time.
The full article on The Sunday Times:
WHAT TIME DO EWAN AND FAYE SLEEP AT NIGHT?
7.30pm lights out.
I give credit to the fact that this is possible only because I am a Stay At Home Mom. I can't imagine this being achievable if I worked. By the time I reached home from work, it would already probably be 6.30pm? Provided, I can leave work on the dot at 6pm!
As a SAHM, I get to spend the entire day with Ewan and Faye making sure they are fed and showered. I play with them and work with them. There is still time to cook dinner and have it on the table by 6pm. Of course I'd be exhausted by the time I sat for my meal but at least, the kids get to start winding down at 7pm.
6.00pm - Dinner and Cleaned Up
7.00pm - Wind Down with Physical Books
7.30pm - Lights Out, Meditation and Audio Sleep Story
8.00pm - All Asleep
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.
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6.30am - All Awake
Faye would usually fall asleep before the Audio Sleep Story ends [so does mommy and daddy] while Ewan would finish listening to it before he goes to sleep. An Audio Sleep Story can take 15 to 30 minutes to finish.
DO THE KIDS STILL NAP?
As long as they are not going to bed at 7.30pm that night, they will have to take their afternoon naps. Mommy's Rules. I believe in clocking the hours, if not in its entirety, in blocks. In blocks of afternoon naps and night sleep. When they add up, I ensure it's at least 10 hours.
Of course they would resist nap saying they aren't tired. But guess what? They will sleep within 30 minutes in the afternoons! They say they aren't tired but how can they not? Imagine being awake from 6.30am to 2.30pm - 8 hours of full time brain work for Ewan in Primary School. How can he not be tired?
Even if they really aren't tired enough to nap, I'd insist a 90 minute quiet time in bed. Lights Out. If they cannot sleep even after 90 minutes of tossing and turning. That's fine. At least, they've rested.
HOW DO YOU TRAIN THEM TO COMPLY?
I know... children will always say they cannot sleep. They will keep talking and talking, singing, laughing, tumbling and doing everything else but take their afternoon naps. Do we take their word for it? Or do we, as parents, know better if they need their rest.
I tell them very simply, "Nap. If you don't, that's ok too. We will skip tonight's engagement and go to bed early, You choose." They'll always choose to try their best to take their afternoon naps. When they don't and play a fool, I make sure I follow through and have our late night appointments with families or friends cancelled too. If I don't, they will know that mommy is just empty talk.
Hey! It's not all that calm and easy all the time. We've gone through pleading and crying from them and voice-raising episodes from me to GO TO SLEEP NOW OR ELSE!
Hey! It's not all that calm and easy all the time. We've gone through pleading and crying from them and voice-raising episodes from me to GO TO SLEEP NOW OR ELSE!
I've done this daily afternoon napping with them for six years! Imagine poor me. But I insist.
DO THE CHILDREN SLEEP ON THEIR OWN?
Back in 2012, I desperately wanted a dream baby who can self-soothe without me rocking, singing, turning on white noise and lulling him to sleep on my boobs. Oh man I even did shuttle runs in my kitchen! Desperate days, desperate measures.
So I read about the CRY IT OUT method and decided to give it a shot. I regretted it to the core when I left Ewan crying for days of [max] 90 minutes which caused my baby to lose his voice for the rest of the week.
When Faye came, I chose to have her lead me in everything thereafter and frankly, life was way less stressful as compared to the days when I tried too hard to put them to sleep on their own. If they preferred touch and comfort as opposed to being left alone, then that's what I'll do. Anything to have less crying and more security.
Meyer and I put our children to sleep together every single night on a queen-sized mattress. I asked him before, "When should we stop being there for them at bedtime?" and he said, "Never. For as long as they need us, we be there. That's the least we can do for them."
Till today, I am always squeezed in between Faye and Ewan providing them comfort as their personal mommy bolster. Because daddy's presence is important too, this is how he sleeps! Out of the breadth of the bed because he is 1.8m long. Poor daddy but so much love.
And no we don't sleep through the night with them like that! Stiff necks and bad backs I tell you!? We move back to our own comfy beds.
HOW WE WIND DOWN?
Jumping in to share in detail how we wind down.
We start at 7pm reading physical storybooks because although we are in the era of technology and audiobooks, we really do not want to lose the touch and feel of physical ones. Sometimes, we choose to chat about life, about things that happened, about our dreams and our troubles.
However, each night is always filled with rowdy antics by the kids when daddy and mommy are still washing up dishes and getting themselves ready for bed. We would hear screams and hearty laughters coming out from their room. It's nothing near to winding down but lots of pumping up! We would also get cries and complains too.
The moment I walk into their room, they'd both SCREAM at the top of their lungs and hide under covers. As if they can siam bedtime! *hahaha*
After the physical books, we would turn off the lights and start our meditation and sleep story through Calm app. Always meditate first before they get to their favourite time of the night - Calm's collection of sleep stories for children. The meditation series are recorded for children aged three to 17 which uses different tones and vocabulary to reach out to the various age groups.
Ever since we started winding down with Calm, the kids slept a lot faster. Why? Because they have to concentrate on keeping silent. If they talk or play in the dark, they won't be able to hear the audio sleep stories they've chosen! They fight over who chooses the night's sleep story and I came up with a routine for that too. We take turns - Faye, Mom and Ewan.
Faye would be asleep within 10 minutes of Calm and Ewan would listen till the very end before he sleeps. I love it that he does that too because it encourages focus and allows him to practice listening comprehension at the same time.
Watch Ewan and Faye going through the Meditation and Sleep Story. Couldn't do it in the dark because nobody can see anything if so:
Watch Ewan and Faye going through the Meditation and Sleep Story. Couldn't do it in the dark because nobody can see anything if so:
WHAT IS CALM?
I stumbled about this app in July and that's when we started adding this to our bedtime routine. I was looking for a relaxation app which can teach me some kind of basic meditation to keep calm before my endometriosis surgery [Read: Dear Family, I Am Never Too Weak For You]. I contemplated on purchasing this app because it is expensive!
USD59.99 billed annually. That's S$82.80 for us! I've never spent more than S$10 on any app. I asked Meyer about it and he said if it's worth it, buy it! "It's only S$7 a month mom. You spend more than that in a month!" he broke it down for me.
So I got it! Only because not only will I benefit from Calm with meditation sessions for adults and kids, there are sleep stories for adults and kids too! I explored the app and was really pleased to find Masterclasses touching on topics like Conscious Parenting, Better Sleep, Breaking Bad Habits, Discovering Happiness and more. They also have a Music folder where we can choose different categories of music like for Sleep, Lullabies, Relaxation or Focus. It's really cool that they've got white noise in their Soundscapes too together with rainfalls and forest ambience.
USD59.99 billed annually. That's S$82.80 for us! I've never spent more than S$10 on any app. I asked Meyer about it and he said if it's worth it, buy it! "It's only S$7 a month mom. You spend more than that in a month!" he broke it down for me.
So I got it! Only because not only will I benefit from Calm with meditation sessions for adults and kids, there are sleep stories for adults and kids too! I explored the app and was really pleased to find Masterclasses touching on topics like Conscious Parenting, Better Sleep, Breaking Bad Habits, Discovering Happiness and more. They also have a Music folder where we can choose different categories of music like for Sleep, Lullabies, Relaxation or Focus. It's really cool that they've got white noise in their Soundscapes too together with rainfalls and forest ambience.
IS IT DIFFICULT TO MEDITATE?
Ewan doesn't like it. When the reporter from The Straits Times asked him if he enjoyed it, he replied, "Boring!" Well, that is exactly what winding down is all about! Boring you to sleep! *haha*
I am keeping this nightly meditation going for all of us because as a family, we can grow together in this aspect. Not only that, with habit comes subconscious mindfulness. Even if he doesn't like it, doing it once a day will help him [I hope, somehow] to curb angry days with the breathing techniques he picked up from his sessions.
Each meditation for kids is only about three to 10 minutes long, depending on which topic you choose. Faye has her own favourites and she's more receptive to it. We would meditate in the dark, lying down and getting ready for bed. Surprisingly, she can concentrate but Ewan's just too bouncy to keep still. Still, I appreciate the fact that even though he can't stop moving, he's listening and doing his best to breathe.
At the end of every meditation, it comes with a daily quote and they are so good for the whole family to ponder upon. Not only does it enlighten us as adults, the children learn something from it too. They find it too difficult to understand and so we explained it in their terms.
For this particular quote, we explained it to the kids like this:
The day you stop racing,
is the day you win the race
"When you stop trying to win anything at all - pressing the lift button first, running to the canteen first - you would have already won it because there is no race at all. You would have nothing to hang on to, be angry at or be stressed at. You would have won the race for yourself."
WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF SLEEPING EARLY?
Besides the usual suspects of:
1. Promotes Growth
2. Helps the Heart
3. Affects Weight
4. Beat Germs
5. Reduces Injury Risk
6. Increases Attention Span
7. Boosts Learning
We as parents get to spend more quality time together after they sleep! Meyer and I have more time together catching a movie on Netflix with a glass of wine [just one glass, save the washing], cheese board, fruits and nuts. Sometimes chips and whiskey! Since we cannot go out for late night date nights because Ewan isn't fond of sleeping over anywhere, we date in the comfort of our home when the kids turn in.
The Straits Times reporter asked me this question too and so I though it'll be interesting to share.
I learnt that Sleep Is Important from my parents. In fact, to them this is number one priority. Throughout my Primary School years, my mother insisted I napped every single afternoon. She was a Full-Time Working Mom and hired a helper to take care of me. My helper's like a mom to me [Read: My Maid is My Mother] and I didn't dare defy her or my mom's orders. She would just put me in my bedroom, lights off and blinds down, and told me to go to sleep. Sometimes, I'd play the trick of coming out of my room yawning with a sleepy voice, "I'm awake." Today, I understood their 苦心. All for the sake of my good health and good sleeping habits.
From my father, I remember vividly crying myself to sleep one night when he walked into my room and turned out my lights. I was still studying for a test or spelling [I cannot remember] and I told him I needed to just get these last ones memorised! He firmly told me, "Nope. Sleep is more important. You can fail your paper tomorrow and learn from this lesson to have better time management."
Today, my dad is still reminding me to sleep early. He knows I put in a lot of effort to get my children to sleep but yet, I sleep late. I can't be blamed right? I relish on my me-time when they are sleeping and would drag late into the night myself before turning in for bed. But on days when my body could no longer listen to my brain because it's too overworked, I'd fall asleep with the kids while putting them to sleep.
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