Do Grandparents Own The Rights To Spoil Grandchildren?

You know? You wouldn't have the problem of weaning spoon-feeding if you hadn't fed them babies in the first place. Confused?

SPOON-FEEDING

Babies are born like a blank sheet of paper and the only thing driving them [to cry] is instinct. And that instinct leads them to using their hands to explore food at six months old. I decided to hand Ewan the spoon for experimental purposes. He took it and although he made a mess, he knew [by instinct] to bring the spoon to his mouth! How amazing! Now grandparents do not like mess. Neither do I but I told myself I will clean it up after him. But no. Grandparents do not like mess and they find pleasure feeding their grandchild. So. Ewan's been spoon-fed, Faye's been spoon-fed and today, they require spoon-feeding even at six years of age. If they had never been introduced to this spoon-feeding amazeballs service, I would probably not face this spoon-feeding issue right now. Truth be told, they eat a lot faster and cleaner when we feed them. I was later influenced into spoon-feeding them after a while too. See? Grandparents have a hold over grown-up children as well.

NO SCREEN TIME

Then, I lay down this rule: No Screen Time During Meals. No way will I allow screen time during meals! If there is one way to exercise mindfulness, eating your food and concentrating on your chews is it! But no, grandparents say, "Your children don't want to eat! If I let them watch YouTube, not only do they finish their food, they eat more! Children cannot don't eat. Otherwise they cannot grow." Seriously? My take is, if they don't eat then they can go hungry until their next meal. How else will they learn? It's probably only going to take, at most, five hunger strikes to condition them. To condition for A LIFETIME! But no. Grandparents do not have the heart to do it.

Actually, no screen time on weekdays too. Just on Monday, we were all [grandparents included] walking to the playground after dinner. As soon as we arrived, I told the kids that daddy and I will do a detour to the petrol kiosk to get something. Ewan JUMPED WITH JOY! I had thought he wanted us to get him ice-cream. But no, they decided to ditch the playground as soon as we parents turned our heads and ran back home to catch 20 minutes of cartoons because "mommy is away". 

SAY NO TO SWEETS

I have many rules as a mother. Sorry gramps, please do not give them sweets and snacks? I throw out all the gummies, yummies and baddies from birthday goody bags. Their diet need to be watched because I don't want to be paying S$500 per tooth at the dentist to solve decay problems! Yet, the kids get their dose of sweets and snacks every time we visit a grandparent house. That's four times a week. Worst still, Ewan falls sick from the slightest ice-cream and chocolate treat. Who bears the brunt? Me, from cleaning up.

NO LYING

Oh please. I want to bring up my children well! Please don't encourage lying? Thank goodness I had been repeating myself over and over again, "If you did something wrong and told me the truth, I wouldn't get mad at all. If I found out you are lying, you are sure to get punished!" So with that, Ewan and Faye would see me and announced they had sweets at 公公's. The next thing I heard from the gramps were, "Haiya! I told you it's our secret! Don't tell mommy!" Thanks ah. Isn't that lying? I have to unconfused the confused child again by repeating that parents and children have no secrets.

NO GIFTS EXCEPT OVER BIRTHDAYS AND CHRISTMASES

They do not understand that I'm trying to cultivate patience and lessen the privileged kid syndrome of having one too many toys. I wrote an article once to share my thoughts about having as little toys as possible [Read: Toys and Entertainment]. Have you heard of Gabriele Galimberti's recent project on Toy Stories? I certainly have and kept going back to his pictures and applaud them with awe. This Italian photographer spent 18 months travelling 58 countries photographing children with their toys. He uncovered a common trait amongst all these children and that is, they all want to play. However, one difference he spotted between the richer ones and the poorer ones were: "The richest children were more possessive. At the beginning, they wouldn't want me to touch their toys, and I would need more time before they would let me play with them". "In poorer countries, it was much easier. Even if they only had two or three toys, they didn't really care. In Africa, the kids would mostly play with their friends outside."

I have to right so many wrongs whenever we visit the gramps. It's frustrating and it came to a point when I felt like bringing up Ewan and Faye in a bubble at home. With only MY RULES. They will grow up better like that! 

Then I had a talk with my dad and mother-in-law because I hate to keep things inside me. I'm not good at masking my emotions at all. I must stress that communication is very important for both parties to hear and understand each other.

My dad feels that I deprive my children of simple joys! And I, on the other hand, think they are having the best childhood any kid could ask for really.

source: taken from Google Image

If grandparents are the main caregiver of your children because you have to go to work, frankly speaking, who should have the last say? As much as possible, I'm sure our parents want to respect our wishes but when push comes to shove, sometimes rules have to be bent. And we have to close one eye about it. 

Let us say Ewan and Faye are being taken care of by my in-laws. They are 67 and 65 respectively. Ewan is one helluva active monkey with spikes in his bum. Faye, on the other hand, is quiet but [a huge BUT] she is temperamental. It'll be cruel if I tell the grandparents, "Even if they are naughty, you have to say no to sweets, no giving screen time and definitely have to make them eat on their own!" I'd be adding a lot more white hair to their heads and for sure, high blood pressure issues will arise. 

If I can get totally exhausted by these kids [people had been asking me why I'm losing weight rapidly should try staying home as a full-time parent - no helper], grandparents will too! Screen Time gives them Me-Time. Bribery of Sweets gives them obedience. Spoon-Feeding is a lot less problematic.

Besides, they have already passed the stage of constant disciplining. They were disciplining us for most part of their lives when we were growing up! They, too, were waiting for us to turn 25 to get their report books; to see how well they had fare from being a bad cop the past two and a half decade! We grew up well in their helm; so do not doubt their grand-parenting style today. Everything they do [even if it meant spoiling our children] will never be too harmful. You can cringe when they offer popcorns to your kids but cringe silently lah. I still cringe by the way.

I remember my late grandmother takes joy in watching her children and grandchildren eat, to witness our laughters and to see us happy. If eating sweets and chocolates are a little secret the gramps would like to share with my children, I shouldn't deprive them of that. I'll just make sure I brush doubly hard when it's time to go to bed.

So hell ya! They own the rights to spoil their grandchildren! We will take it from there when they come home.

If my mother-in-law wants to buy that S$100 Geox school shoes for Ewan, so let it be. 
[Read: My Children, They Are Privileged]

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