Whose Dream Is It To Be A Ballerina? Mine Or Hers?

I used to dance and must admit I loved it more than any other classes I've ever been sent to. Art, Piano, Organ, Modelling and Ballet. All were short-lived except for Piano and Ballet. I remember I wanted to learn the piano and so the investment was made. Alas... I hated the practice and I dreaded every ABRSM exam to get the next grade. I would have butterflies in my tummy and shiver before my turn was up. I remember how my fingers ran way faster than my eyes could catch up! I was playing past Bar Seven but I was only reading Bar Two. It was those moments when you felt like  you were high on Entonox [the mixture of oxygen and nitrous oxide gas that women in labour breathe in] and then you fail the exam. I had my first fail in Grade Seven! Argh

However, when it came to the RAD [Royal Academy of Dance] Ballet exams, I would look forward  to it the whole week. I couldn't wait to show the examiner what I've got and would always go home with a Distinction year after year. I assume I must be good for my ballet teacher to single me out from Primary Ballet class to join the bigger Grade girls for a public Christmas dance showcase at the Marina Square stage. Aside from my weekly classes, I attended extra rehearsals in preparation of the concert and my mother invited almost every one I knew to watch me! It was the Swan Lake. 

By the time I was 11, that PSLE year [I go to school one year earlier] I was to concentrate only on my studies and nothing else, I was told to quit Ballet. I retaliated and of course questioned why I cannot quit Piano instead? I argued my way through but realised I had no say in this when my grandmother was summoned to give me that one-on-one talk about the impracticalities of dancing.

Well, the investment on an upright Piano is obviously more and as what my grandmother inappropriately advised, "You can still be a piano teacher at 60 but you cannot be a ballet teacher at that same age. You cannot make a career out of dance!"

That is a fallacy. An appeal to ignorance. 

I quit Ballet with a heavy heart and never went back until I was old enough to decide for myself at 17 that I wanted to finish what I had left behind. Still, I couldn't because my muscles stiffened after four rigorous years of marathon training in my secondary school. I ended up with a sprained lower back after an intensive dance Summer School programme which left me in chronic pain for the next decade or so. I had to quit. Regrets, there were much.

When I had a daughter, I decided that I wouldn't let her start on Ballet. I was conscious, overly conscious, that I didn't want her to fulfil the dream I never accomplished like many parents do to their children. I was afraid of pinning too much hope and stress on her, coming up with my own reasons that Ballet is not worth our while:

1. Jazz is a more versatile an art form than Ballet. There is more enjoyment to it than the complexity of Ballet. 

2. Ballet? What use does it do to a girl in real life as compared to acquiring self-defence skills? I want to know my daughter is safe out there when she comes home alone at night.

3. How about picking up a good sport and excel in it? I think I prefer a sporty, outgoing sassy gal over a demure butterfly wannabe flapping her wings in denial.

Oh these are excuses. What am I talking about when I am passionate about Ballet even though I am all stiff now at 36?

Then I realised, by coming up with these reasons [excuses], I am still trying to shape her into what I want her to be! No difference from those who push their children to fulfil the dreams they never finished?

It isn't about me! It is about her and what she wants. 

So, I listened and observed my little Faye. She seems to like Ballet.

I signed us up for da:ns festival 2017 Twinkle Toes Ballet for children aged three to six. I was excited and nervous at the same time. This is Faye's first official year to join the Twinkle Toes programme since she just turned three and I was keen to gauge her interest [and potential if any].

At S$24 per mother-and-child workshop, I thought this was a good deal! We had Ewan tried the Twinkle Toes Swing Class before when he was three years old and the teacher suggested, "I think he should go freestyle." I understand. He doesn't like following instructions.

With Faye, she was attentive and quite the opposite of her brother. She followed close attention to what was expected of her and mirrored real good from Teacher Lwin of Wings to Wings Dance Development Centre. The only trouble was, she needed to stay close to me. Ah but that's understandable coming from a shy girl.

I was pleasantly surprise to see Wings to Wings Dance Development Centre conducting this footwork workshop because I was intending to send Faye in for a trial class with them at OUE after doing much research!

Teacher Lwin took the class and transported these little girls to the gardens picking apples, turning them into butterflies and dolphins in the ocean. It brought back so many memories for myself when I was dancing as a little girl. 

However, when I asked if she had a good time at Ballet, her answer was, "Not Fun." She said the same to everyone else who asked her about that morning's experience. Yet, all I saw were sparkles in her eyes when we were dancing. I think she was trying to act tough with her replies.

I was baffled by her response and probed further at bedtime.

"I like ballet and I like the teacher. But I don't want other kids inside. Only me." she said. 

Wah! 刀 leh. Or anti-social. Or too high-class? Tsk. How can I afford a private lesson?

I am just going wait this out for a bit and see if she asks for Ballet again. It will be her call and I promise I will listen. I want to encourage enjoyment in learning and it will be when the kids choose to embark on something they find passion in. So even though I'd like her to be a marital arts expert, I shan't torture her [and myself] to go through the regime.

Oh she looks too adorable in that tutu!

All dance workshops end 24th September 2017 at Esplanade - Theatres on the Bay and from what I see, there's only Bollywood Baby left under the Twinkle Toes workshop. 

If you are up for some adult dancing fun, check out my experience with the husband when we did a Jive workshop back in 2015. Pen it down for next year if you miss this season's!

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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life. 

We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.