Better Prepare Our Primary Ones Through Empowerment

When Ewan was K2 going into P1, we were blessed with a lot of tips from friends and family on how we should prepare him for Primary One.

"Have you taught him how to count money?"

"Remember to practice sleeping and waking up early a week earlier!"

"Prepare lunch box for him during recess too! Canteen food can be unhealthy."

We did none of the above. 

COUNT MONEY - At the end of the day, he learnt how to count money on the job [on-the-job-training]! He was there in the field [canteen I mean], all by himself. If he wanted the correct change to buy that extra bottle of chocolate milk, he had better made sure he figure out how to count. He went to school a blank sheet of white paper but came back confident from self-discovery. He realised he can yield achievements without mom's help!

SLEEP PRACTICE - It is a necessity to sleep and wake early as soon as school starts. It was not a choice and so he learnt that "from now on this is what I have to do". In my opinion, there's nothing to put in practice. It is also my choice to not want to wake up at 6am daily on the last week of the holiday year to "practice" with him. It's more of a "You have to do this and so you do". Did we wake up without a fuss on Day One of school? Yes we all did. A mental note on responsibility was all that was needed. 

HOME-COOKED BOXES - I am apologetic I'm not that mom who would wake at 5am to make love-ladened food boxes for my children. Thinking about what to cook for lunch and dinner for the family is headache enough. So mmm... my kids will have to find solace in canteen food. 

After experiencing for an entire year as a Mom to a Primary One kid and after volunteering in school for the new batch of Primary Ones this year, I came to believe whole-heartedly the importance of the following: 

1. Let Your Children Write Their Own Names On Their School Books

Not just textbooks! Workbooks, exercise books, files, labelling their own stationary, etc. It came naturally to me that I will not label his stuff for him in preparation for school although I was excited to do it. Because he was so little [K2 is little right?], I felt like maybe I had been a little tough on him. He ended up tearing because there really was a lot to write! Then again, we do not have to get everything done in one seating? We split the workload up into many different days and he can proudly say he got everything ready for school on his own.

Well, with his own penmanship but not entirely on his own. I was there to give him verbal encouragements and when tough measures were required [*haha*] like me holding his hand to write together. A polite, "Mommy, can you please help me label my colour pencils while I do the rest?" will also enlist my help. While we know we have to give our children some kind of responsibility to set a good foundation, it doesn't mean we don't show kindness to them too when they need us. Balance ah folks? Balance.

Many times, I was tempted to write his names for him because he was SO UNTIDY. Almost illegible when he wrote one too many books at a go. Oh gosh, my heart skipped a beat when he had to write his school's name in Chinese! It has a lot of strokes and there was a lot of angst. But I persevered and held back. Sitting next to him to give him the encouragement he needed.

Our children are more than capable of getting all these done on their own. I learnt that from volunteering in this year's Primary One batch. While many had very neat handwritten names on their books thanks to their moms and dads, there was one who came to school with nothing labelled. I prompted her to write her name and class on all her books before submitting to her form teacher on collection day [teachers will collect all workbooks, files and exercise books to lighten their school bags]. With every single book unwritten, I felt a little, "Wah why her parents cannot be bothered ah?" But later, after seeing how she actually wrote neatly and without complains, did I realise...

It isn't mandatory for parents to prepare their children for school by writing their names for them? Nor is it a necessity to even sit next to them to encourage their children to label their stuff like I did. In fact, when our children are put in a situation where they need to get things done on their own, they are actually more than capable of doing so on their own! Her attitude was very good. 

What this girl learnt on her first day of school? That on Day One of every new school year, her teacher will collect her school books from her and to save time, she needs to get them labelled beforehand. She will also not expect her parents to do it for her because she managed her first time on her own and came to realise, she can handle it! 

2. Ask Your Children To Sew Their Name Labels Together With You

How is that possible? Needles are sharp and dangerous. What if the kid poked him/herself? Then I say, let the blood flow. Oh dearie me. Do I sound like a military mom?

Faye burnt herself twice at the stove to learn about kitchen etiquette and safety. Sometimes, we as adults can warn off danger a dozen times and still the child learns only on that one time they get burnt.

When I pulled Ewan into the room with me to sew his labels onto his uniform last year, he went "Huh? Can't you do it for me?" I told him it's something he has to be part of. It is, after all, his name! He will be the one going to school and what kind of a boy would he be if he doesn't even know how to sew? *hahah* Well, tradition says girls sew and not boys. But I'm making efforts to ensure this boy knows how to sew. Thank me later daughter-in-law.

It was difficult because handiwork requires lots of coordination especially with a dangerous needle. What I did with him was to let him pull out the needle whenever I poke it through. After getting the hang of it, I encouraged him to poke the needle through on his own with me holding onto the name label in place. Four hands to get five uniforms done; two breaking backs bending over the uniforms and one hour later [with whining and frustration], it was all done.

This simple activity teaches responsibility and why wouldn't I want to teach my kid that?

3. Resist Carrying Your Child's Schoolbag

Hmmmm... This one's a tricky one. It is natural for us parents to be worried about future spinal issues.  I mean, if your child has back issues then that's a different story okay?

I went into research for an ergonomic schoolbag [Read: IMPACT Ergonomic Backpack] for Ewan. These six going on sevens can indeed be very tiny. Carrying an oversized bag on their backs can be too much to look at. Grandparents, for one, would be heart broken.

But. A big BUT. I saw enough at this year's Primary One batch to believe this self-bag-carrying ritual is a necessity. The I-Can-Do-It mentality could possibly start from just simply allowing them to carry their own bags!

Scenario 1 - a mom came to the registration table with her kid's bag on her back on Day One. Obviously unhappy and very annoyed. No smiles whatsoever, she commented, "I cannot go beyond this point? How is my daughter going to carry this bag on her own! It is SO HEAVY!" My jaw dropped. The amount of steps from that registration table to the assembly point was erm... 20 steps? The form teacher ensured that mom that she will be collecting all books from the children that day to lighten their load. This little girl looked up at her mom to beckon her to pass the bag on but mommy had different ideas. She gave a stern stop sign in her daughter's face and looked right back at us, refusing to budge; refusing to let her daughter carry her schoolbag. We couldn't hog that registration line and took the schoolbag for her. I wonder if her daughter was embarrassed but she had no problem carrying her bag from canteen to classroom thereafter. Happy, chatty and strong!

Scenario 2 - Day Two, another child. I was attached to this class for three hours. She started her complaints as soon as she had to carry her schoolbag from canteen to class. "It is too heavy. I cannot do it. It is too heavy. I cannot. See? I cannot." A very tiny little girl with a very clear voice about what she cannot do the entire morning. I kept going, "Yes you can! Come. Let me encourage you and we will march our way together to the classroom but you have to carry your own bag okay? Shall we count the steps together from here to there?" She purposely made her bag drop off her shoulders three times and I'd pull her bag up onto her shoulders three times. Each time I touched her bag, she thought I was going to take it from her. Her chants continued from schoolbag carrying to "I cannot take my books out of my bag. It's too heavy." to "I cannot write my name, it's too difficult." to "I cannot sort out the files in colours. I cannot. I cannot. Will you read to me?". And the last straw was when I told her to pack her desk up because it was time for recess... She had her pencil case opened and books sprawled all over the table, "It is so messy. You do it. Because I cannot." If only she had been empowered and given the chance to do things on her own without anyone clearing or carrying stuff for her. Her attitude for school would be "Yes I Can." It's okay.

Are we helping or harming our children in the long run if we keep assuming their responsibilities for them?

"If you teach a man to fish, he will feed himself for a lifetime. But if you just give him a fishing pole, he'll have to teach himself."

Ewan is in Primary Two now and sometimes looking at his schoolbag, I would also ask, "Is it heavy? Can you handle it?" His response is always the same, "Yes I can." Funnily though, children are very sharp-witted. When grandparents come for school pick-up and ask, "Is it heavy? Come, I carry.", his response would be, "Sooooo heavy!" *haha* Well, in such rare grandparents' pick-up situations, please give this opportunity to the grandparents to enjoy. Let them carry the schoolbag!

4. What To Do If Your Child Loses His Wallet?

Naturally, scold child then proceed to text/email/ClassDojo form teacher to seek assistance in finding that wallet. Water bottle, wallet, whatever! Let your child find a solution to his own problem. There is no need to call the General Office to ask them to go through the Lost and Found section. There is no need to bother his form teacher about it either.

Personally, there is also no need to guilt-trip your kid about losing his/her belongings as well. A good talk will probably come back with positive long-term results.

So Ewan lost his wallet twice. It fell off his pocket when he was playing in the field during recess. I asked him what he was going to do about it. If he found a lost wallet, what would he do with it? He said he will pass it to the Lost and Found section in General Office. There. He found the answer on his own. They next day, that's where he will go to find his lost wallet.

5. Bookshop Spending Dilemma

Instead of saying a straight NO to your child even before he/she goes to the school bookshop, ask your child to make his/her decision. But of course, to seek your permission first before making a purchase maybe?

Ewan called me every day at recess in Primary One from January to June [Read: Here's My Number. So Call Me Maybe]. We would talk about what he ate, what he was going to do and just whatever we can talk about for three minutes. Then one day, he asked if he could go to the school bookshop to buy something. I told him he could if he wants to with whatever money is left after he was done with his meals. Emphasising the after of course and also to highlight to him that he won't have anymore money to save if he made that purchase. Giving him the autonomy to make decisions was liberating for him and yes, I want to give that to him.

He bought a toy skateboard at a dollar. It broke even before the day ended. The next time he had another dollar, he called me again to seek permission. I said, "Okay. You decide but remember the toy was not of good quality ya? It broke." He bought the same skateboard toy once again. This time, the wheels came off before the day ended. After that two attempts in his school bookshop, he never stepped into it again and I didn't ever have anymore bookshop woes.

Win!

But if I kept telling him No he cannot go, I think the more he'd want to venture into that bookshop to buy more junk. Think about your bookshop strategies carefully!

6. Checking In With Teachers

Sigh.. how much asking and texting is considered harassment to teachers? Does it mean it's okay to ask all the other parents in your class group chat? I don't know. I refuse to join any WhatsApp group chats. There is nothing I wouldn't be able to find out because ClassDojo, an app to send direct messages to teachers like WhatsApp, is good enough! The only people I need to communicate with is my child and his teachers with regards to school matters. For play dates, we parents message one another directly and we never talk about homeworks.

"PAL in the timetable. What does that mean?" Ask teacher. 

"What do I bring on the first few days of school?" Ask teacher.
"Snack time is only five minutes? But my kid eats so slow." Ask teacher.
"Do the children go to toilets in pairs or alone?" Ask teacher.
"Will there be lockers in school to put their books in? The bag is so heavy!" Ask teacher.

I had a million questions. Like my child, I am also entering Primary One the first time. Imagine the number of questions our children's teacher have to answer while trying to go through what is necessary in their list of KPIs i.e. to impart the entire year's curriculum to them, mark their papers, prepare for next day's classwork.

Where do I find out the answers to all these nagging questions? I learn that the best person to ask is The Child. I don't know what PAL is? I ask Ewan to go find out and come home with an explanation.

The teacher would have given specific instructions to the child on what to bring. And if there wasn't any instructions given, then let it be! If your child did not listen properly or forgets, the teacher may punish or give another day's grace. Then let your child learn from that.

We send our children to go to school not just for the academics right? We want them to learn self-esteem, self-confidence, self-awareness, self-respect, resilience and all these character building traits. So let them. Hovering over their heads will only teach them, "I don't have to listen in class. Mommy will can find out." Hey! Mommy isn't the one going to school hello??!??!

At the end of everything, making mistakes and finding solutions on their own are rite of passage in growing up.

7. Homework - To Check Or Not To Check

I decided I will not. Since Primary One, all I ask of Ewan was, "Do what you need to do from school first before anything else." So if he has an important letter to pass to me for reading or worksheets that need to be signed, he will have to pass it on to me himself. If he had homework, I will not go through this mistakes and correct them. I'll see it and cringe; holding myself back to tell him it was wrong. But, that's what school is for right? To go get marked and learn from his teachers? Not my job. I am here only to do reinforcement work if needed.

*haha* I didn't tell him but I secretly check his bag to see if he missed anything. If he insists he doesn't have homework but I see that he does after my secret check, I'll send him to school without the homework done anyway. That'll get him to remember the next time! If I were to baby him the entire time, "Hey! You have homework! Come let's do it." Then he won't put in effort to be responsible for what he needs to do as a student.

"We Empower ourselves 

every time we accept Responsibilities"

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