Live Life with Larry Toh Photography
Passion.
Who gets to live and breathe passion? These people are fortunate. There are some who pursue their passion as hobbies, others get the opportunity to earn a living with it. Work becomes all bearable and exhilirating when you are passionate about something. In reality, many spend their whole lives searching for that barely controllable emotion, that arousing enthusiasm called passion, and still cannot find it.
Larry.
He found it and decided it was time to live his passion in photography. Where did he find the courage to make this career switch from a Station Manager for Singapore Airlines [based in Auckland] to become a freelancer?
He found it and decided it was time to live his passion in photography. Where did he find the courage to make this career switch from a Station Manager for Singapore Airlines [based in Auckland] to become a freelancer?
"The relapse of the cancer in 2016 really changed the way my family and I live. Doctors could not recommend any further treatment but were quick to put a number to my life expectancy. I told myself that I had to try my hands at photography as a career because that was my passion. I owe it to myself to try it. And I hope it would set an example for my four year old daughter that one should never be afraid to chase their dreams and passion."
I knew Larry was suffering from cancer before he arrived at our home for the shoot. There were several times I wanted to broach the subject but there was no appropriate opportunity. It was at the end of the photoshoot that we got to sit and chat. He has Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma, a rare cancer that came creeping up his door in 2012 [six years ago]. According to the Oral Cancer Foundation, it is an uncommon form of malignant neoplasm that arises within secretory glands, most commonly the major and minor salivary glands of the head and neck. It started with heavy nose bleeding that got him to consult a doctor. They found a growth next to his left nose which was cancerous and went through with surgery and radiation. There was also growth somewhere at his forehead but because it was near the brain, it was hard to remove. Today, it has already spread to his lungs. Every day he is thankful that he is asymptomatic, able-bodied and able-minded.
Was he suffering? I am sure the family suffered with the news but his response was one full of hope.
Was he suffering? I am sure the family suffered with the news but his response was one full of hope.
"Not all things came out bad with having cancer"
Sometimes, we should stop seeking answers and just live life. Enjoy it and look beyond what is perfect because beauty had always just been right before your eyes.
Hope.
Hope.
I smiled and concurred. Wholeheartedly. As a caregiver to my mother who had Lymphoma, I imagined myself having cancer. Of course I would cry but I know [I hope I would] it would also be the day I learnt how to live. The day I would finally dared to live. There are many things we wouldn't want venture for fear of tipping over. Especially when there are uncertainties; some risks are not worth taking when you have a family. Larry had thought for a moment when he found out about his cancer in 2012 to pursue photography full time but quickly dismissed it for fear of losing the stability he had at his job.
Life took a change when Larry's daughter was born 18 months later. All he wants now is to watch his daughter grow up and be there for her when she needs him. Him having been given the death sentence by his doctors with no further treatment isn't going to take away the possibility of having more children. Life doesn't stand still for the Tohs. They are still living it out courageously as a family even though long-term plans may not be most feasible.
Photography.
I scrambled to pack the house and put everything in order before Larry arrived at our place Sunday morning. The dining table was cleared from mess, the beds were straightened, the playroom was immaculate and everything else that didn't have a permanent home were chucked into the storeroom [temporarily until the shoot was done]. There was just this one mattress that I couldn't carry away. It stayed in Faye's room propped unattractively against her House bed. I would, in no circumstances, want such a sight in my photographs.
Then Larry came walking in as I changed Faye into her Swan's costume and snapped away. Inside me, I was going, "ahhhhhh nooooooooooooooo! Not when this ugly thing is in the way as our backdrop?" I couldn't get it away in time because moments do not repeat themselves. That coy smile, that strand of hair over her face, that grimace - I will not be able to ask her to do it again. When I looked at the pictures, my heart was full. He captured our emotions rightly and I wouldn't want to change a thing. Not even that wardrobe's door which should have been closed or that wrong-side up mattress that Ewan sleeps on when he wants to sleep with his sister. This is as real as it gets and I love it.
In him and his enthusiasm, I saw him looking beyond the perfect world. My interactions with my children are what perfect is all about. It never was about that crumpled sheet or misplaced pillow on the bed.
This is the real #mmlittle家. This is our home. Not the picture perfect ones you see on Square Rooms magazine.
Disposition.
Our inherent qualities of mind and character were aptly captured by Larry. The children went for a swim prior to our scheduled photoshoot and they came home screaming hungry. Meyer promised them MacDonald's but I took a quick glance at the clock and it read 0955 hours. Larry was due to arrive at 10am and my husband promised the kids to hash browns and pancakes? I was certain he was going to drive-through and have them packed home but that would also meant disrupting Larry's two-hour slot with us no? If we ate breakfast, he would have to wait for us to finish before he could start.
"Sure! Go buy the breakfast. It's okay that Meyer's away for a while." he said.
And you know what? He didn't wait for us to finish our breakfast to capture family shots. He photographed us eating our pack-aways! Our most non-fictional, un-fairtytaled family shoot appropriately documented by Larry.
Whatever happened to my love for unposed photography? I was an advocate of it and then many family photoshoots later, many sessions of photographers telling us what to do, I actually forgotten how beautiful real images can be.
Hearing his story makes me understand why he captures In-The-Moment shots. When I peruse his pictures one by one, I understand because I know his story. Prior to this, I wouldn't have a good grasp of his compositions and this the reason I write - to share with you the story of this photographer you might one day hire.
I asked him what has Cancer taught him?
Compassion.
I see compassion in him. I do not know the Larry before, only the Larry now. It may be that Cancer had taught him to see things clearly. He brought with him three cameras. Ewan decided he would like to take some shots and snuggled next to Larry on the floor, trying to steal his camera in hand. The next thing I know, Ewan had Larry's camera in hand and photographed Meyer and I.
No sane photographer would accommodate a child to handle his cameras like he did and he too gave Faye the opportunity to hold his old-fashioned film camera! There were only 12 shots in that film. As Faye intrigued her way into familiarisation with that strange device, Larry moved her finger to the shutter and encouraged her to take a snap. "What a waste!" I thought. He let her waste a shot! "What a heart." I added because that shot belonged to Faye and it didn't matter how precious film was. Faye's photograph would have been precious to me.
What have I learnt from this scene I witnessed? That relationships are more important than material possessions.
I will definitely share that shot Faye took when the film is finally developed; maybe in a month's time!
I couldn't help but ask for a tour around his camera too. It is a beautiful technology. Absolutely in awe with the people of the past.
Black and White.
Life is colourful. Yet, I realise we focus on the subject wholly when it is in black and white. I would like to think that admiring a picture without colour is like how a blind might see the world. It can be felt a lot more than the distractions that colour brings. It is in the feelings.
Oh but I do love colours. Especially after becoming mom. The children brought much vibrancy into my life and I found colours to be most appropriate depicting their movements.
But Larry. He fell in love with black and whites.
Film.
So far, all that I have shared are digital works. I will not be able to get my hands on those in films until a month later.
Colour.
Yet, Larry isn't inflexible. Knowing not all his clients may accept only black and whites for their pictures, he will always have a pocketful of photographs in colour on hand. However, please understand his love for black and whites as I've shared. I respect his style and appreciate his efforts to send me the coloured ones.
Art.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. I love these pictures I am about to share, which are perfectly imperfect. No one will know except for me the stories behind these expressions or non-expressions. I've got a tuft of hair sticking out of my sofa - that is my boy playing hide-and-seek. I've got a girl, masking her face away with her skirt because she was upset I said no to gummies. I've got a little finger pointing to an ice-cream Faye coloured in and a question that followed, "Uncle Larry. Is this your favourite picture? Do you like ice-cream?"
They do not mean anything to you. They even look accidental; like why did the photographer bother sending these over to his client? No face, no smile, no significance. Yet, it wasn't accidental from the eyes of the photographer. It meant something to him and it means everything to me. I find them artistic. I love them because I know the story behind each of them.
My Feelings.
This is the hardest to pen. I took an hour break before coming back with my thoughts, a glass of wine later and I am tipsy. These must be hard truths.
This photoshoot wasn't only for Larry. He has cancer, yes. He is pursuing his passion, yes. He has a timeline to his life, yes but we all do too! We all have a timeline but we do not know when. Some sooner, some later. Yet, there is no life without an end.
I did not scrutinise his every movement but I took back lessons from the shoot. There were no airs, no restrictions, no rules and it was rather odd that there were no rules in a photoshoot isn't it? We didn't get any, "Look here! Smile! GOOD!" or "Can you hold Faye this way and hug your husband?"
It was all natural. Ewan and Faye were colouring when Larry arrived and he shot them. Ewan wanted Larry to see his room and showed him a display of all his weapons; then Larry shot him. Faye had her hands all oily from hash brown and he shot us washing our hands in the most un-photogenic place in our home. He chronicled our morning with nothing quite posed.
We were living the moment. He showed me how. He opened my eyes and showed me the importance of relationships without even having to say it. His positivity about "It wasn't all bad" when we spoke about his incurable cancer affirmed my belief that Life should be Lived.
FACEBOOK GIVEAWAY
Win a family photoshoot with Larry Toh Photography
worth S$400 for a two hour session
Life took a change when Larry's daughter was born 18 months later. All he wants now is to watch his daughter grow up and be there for her when she needs him. Him having been given the death sentence by his doctors with no further treatment isn't going to take away the possibility of having more children. Life doesn't stand still for the Tohs. They are still living it out courageously as a family even though long-term plans may not be most feasible.
"Anything else is a bonus"
Photography.
I scrambled to pack the house and put everything in order before Larry arrived at our place Sunday morning. The dining table was cleared from mess, the beds were straightened, the playroom was immaculate and everything else that didn't have a permanent home were chucked into the storeroom [temporarily until the shoot was done]. There was just this one mattress that I couldn't carry away. It stayed in Faye's room propped unattractively against her House bed. I would, in no circumstances, want such a sight in my photographs.
Then Larry came walking in as I changed Faye into her Swan's costume and snapped away. Inside me, I was going, "ahhhhhh nooooooooooooooo! Not when this ugly thing is in the way as our backdrop?" I couldn't get it away in time because moments do not repeat themselves. That coy smile, that strand of hair over her face, that grimace - I will not be able to ask her to do it again. When I looked at the pictures, my heart was full. He captured our emotions rightly and I wouldn't want to change a thing. Not even that wardrobe's door which should have been closed or that wrong-side up mattress that Ewan sleeps on when he wants to sleep with his sister. This is as real as it gets and I love it.
In him and his enthusiasm, I saw him looking beyond the perfect world. My interactions with my children are what perfect is all about. It never was about that crumpled sheet or misplaced pillow on the bed.
This is the real #mmlittle家. This is our home. Not the picture perfect ones you see on Square Rooms magazine.
Disposition.
Our inherent qualities of mind and character were aptly captured by Larry. The children went for a swim prior to our scheduled photoshoot and they came home screaming hungry. Meyer promised them MacDonald's but I took a quick glance at the clock and it read 0955 hours. Larry was due to arrive at 10am and my husband promised the kids to hash browns and pancakes? I was certain he was going to drive-through and have them packed home but that would also meant disrupting Larry's two-hour slot with us no? If we ate breakfast, he would have to wait for us to finish before he could start.
"Sure! Go buy the breakfast. It's okay that Meyer's away for a while." he said.
And you know what? He didn't wait for us to finish our breakfast to capture family shots. He photographed us eating our pack-aways! Our most non-fictional, un-fairtytaled family shoot appropriately documented by Larry.
Whatever happened to my love for unposed photography? I was an advocate of it and then many family photoshoots later, many sessions of photographers telling us what to do, I actually forgotten how beautiful real images can be.
Hearing his story makes me understand why he captures In-The-Moment shots. When I peruse his pictures one by one, I understand because I know his story. Prior to this, I wouldn't have a good grasp of his compositions and this the reason I write - to share with you the story of this photographer you might one day hire.
I asked him what has Cancer taught him?
"To live life in the moment. My past is over, and I can't change that. My future is not here yet so I don't have to think about it. The present is all I have. And the present is the link between the past and the future. What I do now, is affected by the past, and will affect the future. It has helped me to appreciate the NOW; how lucky I am that I have my wife and my daughter, that I'm asymptomatic, that I'm finally doing photography, that I'm surrounded by family who cares about me.
The cancer is part of me and I believe it is here to teach me something. I'm still learning about myself as I dig deeper into my past. I think ultimately it is here to help me reconnect with my true self again. How? I'm not sure yet."
Compassion.
I see compassion in him. I do not know the Larry before, only the Larry now. It may be that Cancer had taught him to see things clearly. He brought with him three cameras. Ewan decided he would like to take some shots and snuggled next to Larry on the floor, trying to steal his camera in hand. The next thing I know, Ewan had Larry's camera in hand and photographed Meyer and I.
No sane photographer would accommodate a child to handle his cameras like he did and he too gave Faye the opportunity to hold his old-fashioned film camera! There were only 12 shots in that film. As Faye intrigued her way into familiarisation with that strange device, Larry moved her finger to the shutter and encouraged her to take a snap. "What a waste!" I thought. He let her waste a shot! "What a heart." I added because that shot belonged to Faye and it didn't matter how precious film was. Faye's photograph would have been precious to me.
What have I learnt from this scene I witnessed? That relationships are more important than material possessions.
I will definitely share that shot Faye took when the film is finally developed; maybe in a month's time!
I couldn't help but ask for a tour around his camera too. It is a beautiful technology. Absolutely in awe with the people of the past.
Black and White.
Life is colourful. Yet, I realise we focus on the subject wholly when it is in black and white. I would like to think that admiring a picture without colour is like how a blind might see the world. It can be felt a lot more than the distractions that colour brings. It is in the feelings.
Oh but I do love colours. Especially after becoming mom. The children brought much vibrancy into my life and I found colours to be most appropriate depicting their movements.
But Larry. He fell in love with black and whites.
"My love for photography started in 2008 on a trip to New Zealand. My wife suggested that we get a proper DSLR for the trip. We both ended up having so much fun with photography that I bought another DSLR for her when I got back because we just could not share anymore.
In the beginning, I was taking photos of all sorts of things that interested me. But eventually I found myself very drawn to street photography in black and white from the old days. I remember looking at old photographs of my parents when they were young. The photos were all in black and white, and I felt that they were timeless and conveyed much deeper emotions than colours.
There's a quality in them that nothing in the digital world could replicate, a soul.
I finally developed my first roll of film and printed my first print in the dark room. When I saw the image appear under the red lights in the darkroom, it blew my mind and I was hooked."
So far, all that I have shared are digital works. I will not be able to get my hands on those in films until a month later.
"For my personal work, it's almost always film. I love that I'm able to slow down and take my time to photograph my family. I also love the surprises I get when I develop my rolls of films weeks after the shots were exposed. For work, I shoot a mix of digital and film. Digital is very useful because it is versatile. Digital can be very beautiful too. But if the lighting and situation allows, I would always sneak in a few shots in film. These are usually portrait shots where I could slow things down."
Colour.
Yet, Larry isn't inflexible. Knowing not all his clients may accept only black and whites for their pictures, he will always have a pocketful of photographs in colour on hand. However, please understand his love for black and whites as I've shared. I respect his style and appreciate his efforts to send me the coloured ones.
Art.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. I love these pictures I am about to share, which are perfectly imperfect. No one will know except for me the stories behind these expressions or non-expressions. I've got a tuft of hair sticking out of my sofa - that is my boy playing hide-and-seek. I've got a girl, masking her face away with her skirt because she was upset I said no to gummies. I've got a little finger pointing to an ice-cream Faye coloured in and a question that followed, "Uncle Larry. Is this your favourite picture? Do you like ice-cream?"
They do not mean anything to you. They even look accidental; like why did the photographer bother sending these over to his client? No face, no smile, no significance. Yet, it wasn't accidental from the eyes of the photographer. It meant something to him and it means everything to me. I find them artistic. I love them because I know the story behind each of them.
My Feelings.
This is the hardest to pen. I took an hour break before coming back with my thoughts, a glass of wine later and I am tipsy. These must be hard truths.
This photoshoot wasn't only for Larry. He has cancer, yes. He is pursuing his passion, yes. He has a timeline to his life, yes but we all do too! We all have a timeline but we do not know when. Some sooner, some later. Yet, there is no life without an end.
I did not scrutinise his every movement but I took back lessons from the shoot. There were no airs, no restrictions, no rules and it was rather odd that there were no rules in a photoshoot isn't it? We didn't get any, "Look here! Smile! GOOD!" or "Can you hold Faye this way and hug your husband?"
It was all natural. Ewan and Faye were colouring when Larry arrived and he shot them. Ewan wanted Larry to see his room and showed him a display of all his weapons; then Larry shot him. Faye had her hands all oily from hash brown and he shot us washing our hands in the most un-photogenic place in our home. He chronicled our morning with nothing quite posed.
We were living the moment. He showed me how. He opened my eyes and showed me the importance of relationships without even having to say it. His positivity about "It wasn't all bad" when we spoke about his incurable cancer affirmed my belief that Life should be Lived.
"Live. Life."
Larry's latest works can be found at his Facebook Page. His website and Instagram account are still in transition but feel free to admire those too. Larry is 38 this year and was recommended to me by my friend Meiru whom I wrote a story about her battle with an aggressive desmoid cancer. April is a rather tight month but something told me I have to meet Larry and the rest was history. Uncle Lorry, as my children fondly remember him by, thank you for dropping by our humble abode.
FACEBOOK GIVEAWAY
Win a family photoshoot with Larry Toh Photography
worth S$400 for a two hour session
Unlike previous giveaways, there will not be any rules to the game. No STEPS TO WIN.
Just one simple question: "Think about this lifetime of yours. Have you dared to dream? If you weren’t scared what would you do? Use the rocking chair test. What would your 90-year-old self, looking back on your own life, advise you to do in the moment?"
We will choose one winner whose answer calls out to us most and let fate decide this lucky family for the shoot.
Please interact with us by commenting on this Facebook post, not necessarily to win a photoshoot but also to inspire, share and communicate. Follow Larry Toh Photography if you enjoyed his documentary works in black and white.
Just one simple question: "Think about this lifetime of yours. Have you dared to dream? If you weren’t scared what would you do? Use the rocking chair test. What would your 90-year-old self, looking back on your own life, advise you to do in the moment?"
We will choose one winner whose answer calls out to us most and let fate decide this lucky family for the shoot.
Please interact with us by commenting on this Facebook post, not necessarily to win a photoshoot but also to inspire, share and communicate. Follow Larry Toh Photography if you enjoyed his documentary works in black and white.
Giveaway ends on 25 April 2018, 2359 hours and results will be announced the next day at A Million Little Echoes Facebook page.
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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life.
We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.
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