Ewan, You Moved Me

Dear Son

As much as you make me hit the roof with your mischiefs, you move me every day with the kindness in you.

It was a Tuesday, the eleventh of July twenty seventeen. I brought you to the hospital for your third x-ray review. It has been three months since you fractured your collarbone from that innocent fall and argh you failed your first two reviews when the film suggested you still carried that crack line. 

We were all so relieved that day when your orthopaedic went, "It is all healed!"

The trip to the hospital was an excursion. Heading anywhere else except home is always a treat for your sister and you. We arrived at Gleneagles Hospital and you two couldn't stop chattering or throwing me a million questions. 

"What are we doing after the X-Ray?"

"Where are we gong after the doctor sees the picture?"

"Can we have something to eat? I'm hungry!"

"Huh.... why do we have to go home? I don't want to nap!"

The X-Ray was done really quickly and as I was paying for the bill, I heard you siblings laughing heartily behind my back. That's great! You were playing and I didn't get tugs on my shirt distracting me from my conversation with the cashier about the price and location of the doctor's office.

When I turned around, you were both jumping on the sofas like monkeys! Oh gosh! 没家教 [i.e. no manners]! The only consolation was that you two removed your shoes before you went up. 

"Alright children! Put on your shoes and let's go!" I announced with a double clap to round them up.

You were quick to move but Faye decided to throw a princess tantrum at me. She insisted I picked her shoes up from across the room and wore it for her. Do you remember that? I doubt because you were only five - the reason I decided to pen this. 

I told her I wouldn't and threatened about leaving without her. You immediately came to her aid and suggested I helped her with her shoes. It was one of those days I decided to show my authority as parent and I was not ready to take back what I said. I was determined to win that battle even if it meant the every single person in that room was judging. 

So.

You tried diffusing the whole situation by picking up her shoes from across the room and told her you would wear it for her. 

Now our little girl is as stubborn as her mother. She screamed a NO at you and cried repeatedly, "Mommy wear for me! Mommy wear for me!"

You stood there holding her shoes, at wits' end, turning your head back and forth between us. 

I took a few solid steps towards the elevator just to show her I was REALLY leaving and assumed that would do the trick. It wasn't difficult to keep calm because well, I am usually collected during such battles. The only way to win! 

We really had the whole world staring at us. Their stares didn't bother me one bit. Not especially when I am teaching my child a lesson. I don't think you were bothered too but you suddenly began jumping on the spot and pleading me to help your sister! 

That. I was surprised. I put my hand out towards you and beckoned for you to come to me. You began to wail louder than she and I bet she was confused too. "Why is my brother crying? I thought I was the one trying to drama mama here?"

I explained to you firmly that she is capable of wearing her own shoes at age three and I do not see why I have to serve her in such a manner. I do not know if you heard me in between both of your cries but I said it loud enough for both of you to hear. 

Knowing you couldn't get through to me, you bent down to your sister at her level, held her hand and pleaded for her to wear her own shoes while trying to man up.

"Please 妹妹! Please! Wear your shoes now because mommy is really leaving! MOMMY! DON'T LEAVE  妹妹 HERE! MOMMY!"

I reached out for the button to call the elevator down and warned her that I WILL walk into the lift when it comes. Oh how worried you were when you heard that! You were almost screaming into Faye's crying face to get her to wear her shoes!

She eventually did. Just in the nick of time, before the elevator's door opened.

I held both your hands tightly and everyone who went into the lift with us fell silent. Awkward. The only sound in that sardined-pack space were both your sniffling. I didn't felt embarrassed at that time and went on to ask Faye with everyone tuning in, "Will you not throw a tantrum again about wearing shoes?" She nodded.

Mommy won!

It was a lesson not only for her but you too son. At least that's what I hoped. 

Yet, I realised that it was I who learnt something very precious from this incident. 

You. You and your love for your sister! You ACTUALLY care for her!

You were very rough with her when you both were little? I hope by the time you read this, you'd be a lot gentler! You wrestled with her, pushed and punched her when she was in your way. She would let you and almost always looked unfazed. Your sister is as cool as a cucumber and you would always be the one ending up in tears even after you "beat her up".

When I saw this side of you that day, protecting her and worrying for her safety, emotions and well-being, I was really proud to call you my son. You are such a SNAG!

If ever you fall through the cracks Ewan, become hard-hearted from some environmental factors that caused it, know that deep inside, you actually have a beautiful heart. One that holds so much empathy for others. One that loves.

This is only one of many examples you've proven yourself to be.

Thank you for the Rainbow Hearts you blow me every night before we turn in for bed. I wonder when will you stop gifting me hearts and I am definitely not looking forward to that.

Loving you no less than your sister,
Mommy

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