Birth Stories By Daddy: Ewan and Faye

Birth stories of my children, I've got them documented. Why wouldn't I? However, birthing experiences from my husband's point of view have yet been heard. I took the chance, on an oh-darling-do-you-love-me kind of day, to ask him for this favor. It would make a really heartwarming read for the children for when they are older [and for me as well]. I had always wanted to know how he truly felt; more than the "I don't want to have children again" kind of mantras. Reading his written emotions really hits home for me. In a trice, I recall how tough it had been and although I really wished we could have more than two, I must keep reminded how lucky we had been with Ewan and Faye's survivals. We must count the lucky stars that we didn't have to suffer any loses even when we were on the brink of miscarriages. 

Mommy's Accounts on the Birth Stories: 

• Ewan's Birth Story 
• Faye's Birth Story 
• Month-Long Hospitalisation (Faye) 

I've inserted my own thoughts on Meyer's account below. Look out for them in [...]s!

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Getting pregnant and having a baby is pretty straight forward isn’t it? Thinking about it as young adults and newly-weds, it was a no brainer as we did our family planning. “Let’s enjoy a couple of honeymoon years before expanding the family.” was the plan. But when we were ready, we found that getting pregnant was not as simple as ‘A’ plus ‘B’ equals three. It seems having a baby isn’t so simple in this day and age. And it was a common problem shared by many friends who were also trying. Something to do with our lifestyle?

After trying unsuccessfully for two years [erm trust the men to remember. It's actually 4 years.], going by our own research and estimations, we decided to seek professional help. May’s mother had pregnancy issues herself back in the day, so we decided to seek out the same doctor that attended to her. We weren’t surprised to find that she only went to the best. Dr. Maurine Tsakok was once the head of Singapore General Hospital's obstetrics and gynaecology department, is renowned for helping couples with problems conceiving, and then helping to keep the baby throughout the difficult pregnancy.

With Dr. Tsakok's clinic located at Camden Medical Centre, you get the idea that the charges won't come cheap. However, the first consultation was still an eye opener as Dr. Tsakok was very thorough with her examinations on both of us. Also the bill came up to slightly above $3k, FIRST consultation. Costly as it may be, you can rest assured it is worth it for her thoroughness, extensive knowledge, and above all Experience. Dr. Tsakok is able to surprise with the information she gets just by feeling the tummy, smelling (shan't elaborate), and seeing the ultrasound. Then she backs up her assumptions/readings with laboratory tests, the results which I don't remember ever proving her wrong. So then we were returning every 2-3 weeks for follow up sessions. Which is a heck of a lot considering gynaecologist visits are less than five times  [more than that lah but we probably had 30 visits throughout the 9-month pregnancy.] throughout normal pregnancies. Fortunately we had supportive families which helped defray the high costs. The details of what we went through during the 40 weeks pregnancy will have to fill another blog.

Our first child, Ewan's pregnancy was relatively smooth in comparison to Faye, our second. May had to quit her job to focus on the pregnancy and make the best possible effort to have the baby. The first three months were critical because the embryo wasn't attached properly to the uterus. After that it was all about taking precautions (eating/drinking/moving/managing emotions) to make sure the womb was not stressed and contracting. The day arrived when I got the call in the office. Water bag broke [*haha* I had a show. Water bag did not break lor.], taking a taxi to the hospital, will meet me there. My feelings were of part relief that we made it, and part excitement at finally getting to see the baby. Unfortunately the unexpected events were not over yet…

After three years  [earlier on he said 2 years of trying to concieve, now he said it's 3. Correction: 4 years!] and dealing with another pregnancy have blurred the details but the sequence of events should still be true. Upon arriving at the labour ward, we were now in the “seriously going to give birth” room, rather than the “monitor first, possible false alarm” section which we’ve ever been before. The wife was only three centimetres dilated so the nurses advised me to get comfortable while we wait. Hours passed and the contractions which were mild at first began to grow in pain. My wife had her ideals in place and wanted to avoid epidural if possible. So laughing gas it was to ease the pain and it worked for a time. Day turned into night, and by close to midnight the dilation was still only four centimetres. However the contraction pains were increasing and the laughing gas effect was losing its effectiveness.

By the second day, May was in serious agony and decided to give in to epidural. The procedure to insert the needle sounded dangerous enough, having inserted to the spine. The effect was instant and the pain relief gave May some respite after bearing it for as long as she could  [just when I thought it was really a respite, I started to vomit and tremble uncontrollably]. Worryingly after more than 30 hours into labour, the dilation barely increased. The nurses and Dr. Tsakok were starting to discuss possible steps to help the process. Another great concern arose when May started to feel numb all the way up to her face and even begin to have slight difficulty in breathing [they gave me an oxygen tank mind you!]. The effect of the epidural became very worrying and I had to request the anaesthetist to lower the dosage. He lowered the dosage a little which eased the effects slightly but the damage had already been done. My wife was not fighting contractions and the effects of the epidural.

All throughout this time, I was helpless as a husband to ease her agony and could only offer her what comfort and support I could. Seeing what she had to go through made me wish that she never has to experience like this again. At roughly the second midnight, Dr. Tsakok decided that it was too dangerous to wait any longer. She called for the nurses to prepare for emergency caesarian section. The husband was allowed to enter the operating theatre and by that time May was delirious from exhaustion and epidural side effects (she felt so cold her teeth were chattering) [and I could barely breathe on the operating theatre and I truly thought that was the end of my life]. My only concern was that my wife pulled through this, possibly the most excruciating point in her life.

When Ewan was finally out into the world, it was just a huge relief that the ordeal was over. I remember being with the paediatrician as she checked, weighed and took him over to his mum to see for the first time. But I cannot remember what happened after leaving the operating theatre. Thinking back, I probably went home to shower and rest as there was nothing else to be done at the hospital. We stayed in the hospital for a week for the c-sect recovery and then Ewan had treatment for jaundice.

To cap it off, the drama had not ended in the hospital. A few days after arriving home [when Ewan was 6 days old], May had to give me the most excruciating point in MY life. She was sitting on the toilet when she felt a lot of liquid gushing out. Thank goodness I was still home because it was all blood which filled the toilet bowl [postpartum haemorrhage]. We were trying to contact Dr. Tsakok for advise on what to do when May went into a seizure from the blood loss. It was the most frightening experience in my life and the first time (and hopefully the last) I had to dial 995 to ask for an ambulance to send her to the hospital. In less than a week, May was back in the hospital again. Apparently the blood was from clots in her womb due to her endometriosis. This entire pregnancy was an expensive, exhausting, trying and extremely traumatising experience. I would not put ourselves through it again. By the way, our first three months with our first baby was very emotionally draining for mummy, and that’s her story for another blog.

So after the bad experience with Ewan has made my mind up to have only one child. The full attention and time we have devoted to him also made me decide that it would not be fair to the second child as the time given would never be the same. But it's a funny thing that fate decide for us. Having such difficulty to conceive the first time, it came as a total shock when May discovered she was pregnant again (weren't we using protection?)! The timing could not be anymore dramatic as again we were all booked for a trip to Europe, and again we had to make cancellations to flights and hotels [We cancelled once in 2011 when we found out about our pregnancy with Ewan. Ironically, it was de ja vu in 2013 again]. If only we were as lucky in striking the lottery.

All the trials and tribulations from the first pregnancy made me fearful of the 9 months ahead. Actually on hindsight, I cannot compare which pregnancy was tougher. But I think it was physically tougher for mummy the second time around. We had some experience from the first and steeled ourselves for the journey. It started off quite well as there wasn't the same uncertainty in the first three months. Even better we got news that our second would be a girl, how more perfect could it get? Perhaps we were lulled into a false sense of security and maybe also because May had to take care of Ewan this time of round. The smooth first three months took a turn for the worse in the last three months. May always had the issue of small contractions in her pregnancies which were controlled by taking medicine to help relax her womb. However, this little girl was impatient and started to give signs that she wanted to meet the world way too early. Dr. Tsakok read the signs that indicated we might have a premature birth [contractions from almost zero amniotic fluid in the womb] and decided to take the maximum precaution by having the mother admitted into hospital. Before this, I almost forgot we had to incline our bed too and which made sleeping a bit uncomfortable [bed was inclined to prevent amniotic fluid loss while I bed-rested at home]. I think mainly so that she could really just stop doing anything and just lie there (inclined no less!) to keep our little girl the longest time possibly in the womb. Days turned into weeks in the hospital. I became Ewan's sole caregiver and we became so attached that he would look for daddy over mummy. On May's side, she had to endure whole days in bed in the hospital and daily injections which made her so sore. Every time it seemed that things were improving and maybe possible to go home, this little girl showed she wants her way even from the womb. Contractions would start up again and three times may had to scrap the idea of returning home.

Then finally after a month Faye decided that she had enough and couldn't wait anymore. The womb relaxing medicine were at the limit but the contractions were getting stronger still. I think there was also some dilation so even though it was still two weeks premature and of quite a light weight [Faye was born 2.1kg], May was wheeled into the delivery room. No such drama of waiting around this time. Epidural immediately given [because Faye was breeched and we scheduled a c-section] and we were in the room for not more than three hours when Dr. Tsakok decided for emergency caesarean again because Faye was pooping in the womb already [plus fluctuating heart rate]. She was also facing butt down instead of head down so it made Dr. Tsakok.'s decision quicker. Again, this little girl showed her character and decided that "Nope I'm not waiting to go c-sect, I'm coming now whether You're ready or not!". As the Nurses were preparing for c-sect when Dr. Tsakok was alert to Faye pushing her way out and immediately changed again to try to get her out. It was probably lucky that Faye was small which helped ease her out butt first! It was a surreal experience seeing your Wife giving birth the natural way [my husband was very encouraging. He held my hand and said, "Push! I see the head already!" when in actuality, that was Faye's little bum bum! *haha*]. When Faye emerged she was so small and wasn't crying which caused such fear that only children can give you. I think it took her 30secs to a minute before she started crying which was a huge relief.

However, she was still underweight and had to undergo observation for a night in NICU. This time round it was the baby that was causing the worry instead of mummy. In both our cases, it cannot be said that pregnancy is such a joyous occasion. More like stressful and life-shortening! Thank goodness our luck held and also with Dr. Tsakok's experience, Faye passed the first night without problems. In the end, the hospital's stay was a month long. There's always the talk about a mother's sacrifice and this Mummy's sacrifices for her children began from day one, giving them the best she can.

Who could have imagined two such dramatic pregnancies which you could write as a movie script. In the end, it was really something like a test which we had to pass to get the reward. And what a reward that we have been blessed with, that so far the hardest part of parenthood seems to be over. 

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This post is part of the ‘Birth Stories’ Blog Train hosted on Owls Well! To read other exciting birth stories please click on the picture above.

If you would like to travel to the previous stops on this Blog Train and read more interesting birth stories, you can start with this one here by Debs G over at Owls Well.

Debs G is a full-time practising RAWK mum (Runs Around With Kids). When she isn't busy with her 3 kids and finding ways to maintain both her complexion and sanity, she writes about her experiences at home on Owls Well and her wanderings abroad on Owl Fly Away. She also sings in the shower.

At next week’s stop we will be visiting Dorothea at A Pancake Princess. Dotz is a SAHM to two little boys and a bunny, and a recent convert to wet-market-ing. She blogs about family life, faith, craft adventures and fun outings at A Pancake Princess. In her free time, she loves scrapbooking and baking, and writes freelance for The New Age Parents, an online parenting magazine.

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