Dear Grandparents, I Apologise
This school holiday has been quite gloomy with the number of positive cases rising by the hundreds each day. Except for Monday when we went canoeing, we had been staying home the rest of the week or going only to parks with our masks on under the hot sun ever since Ewan and Faye's primary school announced that it has seen two positive cases in the span of four days. In fact, I cancelled all activities and playdates just to be responsible to the people around us.
I chose to stay home to sit and wait for news from the primary school - to ensure that COVID-19 did not reach us. Reason being, if it did and we continued gallivanting the streets or worse, spent time at your place, all of whom we meet would be subjected to Quarantine Order for being close contacts. Having gone though it myself [even though I look like a happy staycation], I wouldn't want that to happen to any of you. Worst still, I cannot bear to allow anything to happen to you since half of you aren't vaccinated.
With COVID-19 being such a new disease with not enough data to conclude anything, with so much mystery and uncertainty about it, I find it very difficult to make decisions like, "When should we visit you at home?" There is always that spike, or that possible exposure from where we went or something that came up to make us postpone over and over again.
Of course I would like to go over all the time. I feel like crap when I deprive you of your grandchildren whom you meet so little of. But as a daughter and a mother, I felt complied to protect all of you from possible infections from our exposures. You probably already know we keep our social circles very small. Meyer doesn't meet any of his friends and I haven't met my friends in months. As the government had advised us, "Keep only to essential activities." Sadly, I dropped meeting friends and put them under the "non-essential activities" tab. I miss socialisation a lot but meeting them would widen our infection circle, which will in turn, affect our unvaccinated children and you when we come to visit.
Where is my balance? My "balance" is different from the next person beside me.
I know that you would all choose meeting and hugging Ewan and Faye regularly despite COVID-19. In fact, heck COVID! You've lived long enough and are wise enough to have found your priorities. Your priorities are spending time with your children and grandchildren! You can say this mentality comes with age, like fine wine. I am half a year shy of 40 and I still haven't reached your level of wisdom yet. To me, your health [and the children's health] are vulnerable and they are all mine to protect. Within my control, as much as I can. That is my priority.
Please do not laugh at my paranoia. I am not able to live with the regret should I not do everything in my capacity to keep you and the kids safe. As a middle-aged woman with well, not so many problems except for my back and my womb, I know that I can beat the disease if I should contract it. I believe, Meyer like me, put ourselves last on the list of worry.
To our vaccinated grandparents, you've given me a lot of confidence to come over to your place with our masks off. Sorry we cancelled Friday night's sleepover. I was getting a lot more hopeful with the country's opening and agreed for the first time in almost two years to let Ewan and Faye do a sleepover. Unfortunately, their primary school had to see to two positive COVID cases this week. I do not want to take the risk. It sux I know. The disappointment you faced must be as gloomy as night. I'm sorry.
To our unvaccinated grandparents, I am 100 times more apologetic because I am in-law. With you being totally vulnerable from the Delta Variant, with our home dynamics having five grandchildren from three different schools, I fight with myself all the time to come to a consensus to meet. Cross-infection will potentially affect not just our immediate family but also each and everyone of their classmates. The ripple effect caused by us could go way out of hand to eventually seed the Quarantine Order or Leave Of Absence or nagging worry of "40 children in one class x 5 of our kids = 200 families". All that said, I'm so glad ART kits are now available on sale so that we can always test ourselves before we visit you to keep you both safe from us. Yet this week, I decide to sit out from coming over again because the primary schools of four of your grandchildren all have positive cases. I worry for our five children too because this wave hits differently from last year's wild virus. We may also start to see fatalities in the young.
There has also been too many unvaccinated seniors falling very sick and costing their lives to it.
It's so exhausting and I detest to be the bearer of bad news to the cousins and grandparents.
Well, they say Mommies are usually the bad guys with the best interests at heart...
I think too much I agree and it is weighing me down. I am just like my father [and mother] - overthinking on things which gives us sleepless nights *haha*
This evening's news made it worse for me after causing much dejections to you folks. We are to brave through 3000 cases to finally see a dip in numbers. I guess by that time, we would be considered living with endemic COVID-19. These few months would be a test of the "Survival of the Fittest". We cannot let up in this fight against the disease. We cannot solely rely on vaccines either. We can only make the right decisions, mask up, keep hands clean and guard up. Please stay fit for us. We, the children and grandchildren, are not ready for regrets. We still need you around for a long time coming. We still want to be around for a long time coming.
Please don't ever think it won't hit us because that is us in denial. I struggle each week because I do not want to be complacent just because you are not afraid. I guess I am not as brave as you four are.
I write because I communicate better this way. I have many things I want to tell you when we meet but it seems like my thoughts are in a mess across dining tables.
I feel extremely apologetic for today's rejections. Sorry you missed seeing the grandkids this week...
We don't say it out loud or show it as much because we are such conservative, narrow-minded Asians but we love you.
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