Solo-Parenting: A Love-Hate Relationship

Throughout my pregnancies and first six months of my children's lives, my husband ensured that he stayed in Singapore to give me the support I needed. If he was the last man standing and had to make a work trip, he would do a turn-around flight and be back within a day. What a man!

So when I've learnt all the tips and tricks about being mom, a mom of two no less, he started to travel more. I was confident to solo-parent and he was convinced I was capable enough to care for myself and the kids without getting into any mishaps.

I cannot remember when my first solo-parent experience was but being the full-time mom that I had been from the start, I took my first leap of faith and the rest was history. In fact, I remember telling him that I kind of enjoy his absence! Not that I did not miss him like crazy because sleeping in an empty bed is rather lonely, but the children! They seemed a lot more co-operative when daddy is not around! Maybe they know it'll be tougher for mommy and decided not to give me a whole lot of trouble.

It sounds like a daunting task [well, it is lah] but it becomes a routine after doing everything day-in and out. You work the clock with a no-fail system that you create uniquely that suits your family. However, no-fail is an idealistic situation because you will never know when that child is going to puke all over your bedsheets or scream the house down from the smallest sibling squabbles. 

Solo-parenting is a love-hate relationship. I tell you why.

LOVES

1. The Children Sleep Earlier - without daddy the playmate at home, their bedtime routine suddenly turned into a chop-chop situation. In fact, the children will offer to plan out their bedtime routines! "We drink milk first, shower, brush teeth, read books and sleep okay mommy?" compared to when daddy is home, "Daddy! Play ball first! Daddy! I want mommy to shower me then you brush my teeth. Daddy! No! I want YOU to make the milk!"

2. The Feeling of Being Indispensable - why of course right? I am the sole caregiver now! How can my existence be redundant? They need me and that need feeds on the big fat ego of a mom. Well, not until she gets so overly exhausted she just wants to hide under her comforter and sleep away. 

3. The Car! - WOOOHOOO! I get to use the Car! Woohoo! For 14 days while daddy is away! I can head out to lunch easily, I can go to the end of the island to do what I do not know, but I have the car! *hahah* Cheap thrill but hey! Which petrol kiosk does he usually go to for fuel? Hmmmmm... and will he be back in time to top up that cashcard? *woops* Jokes aside, it is a faster commuting method compared to the bus. I could really get my errands ticked off the boxes much quicker than ever. 

4. The Satisfaction - why of course. Lots of it. I get to do things I like with the children [without thinking if dad likes to e.g. going to the museum, cafe-hopping and mural-hunting] and we really waste not a day [especially with that car readily available in the carpark]. I like to feel competent and doing things together with the children like heading into the library just before closing time [last night] satisfies not only me but Ewan and Faye as well.

5. The Airport Pick-Up - YAY! We love picking dad up from the airport! The happy screams from the children when they see their dad are the most beautiful screams I ever heard. That smile on daddy's face is a smile of bliss when he sees them running into his embrace. For me, the burden off my shoulders are finally lifted with him home. "I do not have to wash milk bottles tonight!" Chores Divided! 

HATES

1. The Airport Goodbyes - oh my.. I thought it would get better but it only got worst. Faye was easy with the goodbyes and all she said was, "Bye Bye Daddy!" but Ewan. He used to be like Faye - indifferent. But as he grew older, he started to realise that his sleeping partner is not going to be there every night now! He used to wail loudly when daddy had to go but this latest trip, he just koala-hugged his dad so tightly and softly whispered, "But I will miss you daddy." followed by a subtle back-hand wiped a falling tear from his face. I.Cannot.Take.It! I teared with my son. There was so much love and so much sadness which turned into so much pain after. Our hearts ached. 

2. The Lonely Nights - while the children go to bed earlier than usual [because they are usually co-operative when dad's away], I get greeted by my empty bed alone earlier as well. Not nice. I hear you say. Let the children sleep with me on my bed right? But they do not want! They preferred their respective beds and told me to sleep on my own. *bleh* 

3. The Fatigue and Frustrations - how can there not be any? With no rest at all, surely sleep will be deprived. As usual, when the children are asleep, I just want to spend some alone time catching up with absolutely nothing important - Facebook feeds, Instagram feeds, Toggle and some family dispute news. Instead of going to sleep because I really am very tired by the end of the day, I keep myself awake doing absolutely nothing. Note: Nothing is Something when you become a mom. Oh we still have the afternoon to nap when the kids nap right? No. Because blogging moms like me want to write a piece and have it published because we have something to share. 

4. The Germs - when daddy is away and one of us is sick, it sucks. Although I am on a course of antibiotics right now, it is still better than having either one of the children sick. Imagine the fever, the sleepless nights, the cleaning of puke, the painful cries and teary tantrums. Oh no! That's the worst thing that can happen to any Solo-Parenter! I have met with a few of such episodes alone before - cleaning up puke, hand-washing cases and clothes then cleaning up the kid and changing bedsheets. It is a tiresome cycle. Right now mom screams, "Daddy! Where are you!" or "Darn! Why didn't I agree to a domestic helper?"

5. The SMS Quarrels - do not like it when already I am home problem-solving everything alone and the husband decides to engage in an argument on WhatsApp. Ya! It happens. Since discussions cannot be made in person, thoughts and questions are put across through text. In text, you add in your own intonations and assume the other person's feelings. Not Nice! No Fun!

I am thankful that my dad and his dad live only five minutes away from us. I save the hassle of cooking us dinner by popping in for a visit at grandparents' from Tuesday to Friday [I cook on Mondays]. They have food on the table whether or not we make it there so it is the perfect solution to our dining woes. Best of all, we get healthy home-cooked food while the grands get to enjoy each other's companies!

By the end of 2016, I would have declared myself Master Solo-Parenter because the husband will be flying in and out of the country almost fortnightly this last quarter. In January 2017, he would be away for two weeks. Again!

Oh wait! I am a Master already! We went on a week long holiday to Taipei without daddy! How can I forget that?

Solo-Parenting isn't exactly fun but it's not all dark as well. The light at the end of the tunnel is when Daddy will eventually come home. We can do this! Keep the oil burning!

Like Us on Facebook if you enjoyed the read!

A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life. 

We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.