The Invisible Load of Parenting Can Make One Short-Sighted
Parenting children and parenting Gypsie are the same. Okay wait. Not exactly the same because I needn't tutor the puppy but I am parenting not just two kids now but three. Just like me, I'm sure you have this running to-do list in your head all the time, "Send Meyer to his doctor's appointment, find a Deepavali costume for Faye's school celebration, remember to pay for Ewan's Taekwondo grading test because I've forgotten twice and today's he's actually going to get graded, buy eggs and bread for breakfast or else they will just have to drink milk, reply to that email that came in three days ago which was marked URGENT, make an appointment to get Gypsie groomed because she's filthy... Wait. Have I drank water today? Scrap that! Today is the deadline submission of my draft post to my client! I can't lounge on my sofa even if I wanted to because it is a mountain of laundered clothes."
Invisible labour is all these. It's what needs to be done but it's invisible because nobody sees it. They are essential to the function of raising kids and keeping the home intact though. Oh Faye miraculously has a costume to wear to school. Oh Ewan can attend grading and come home with a new belt by just doing some kicks and stunts. Gypsie's clean and adorable after her Wash-and-Blow but nobody knew I was running like a mad woman that day just from sending and picking kids from school, their outside-school engagements and because I'm passing by a friend's place while driving, I decided to drop in for a 20 minute social catch-up. I needed that socialisation that day. So even though it can take a toll on my scheduling, it gives me relief.
So when Gypsie ran out of the house, into the rain, INTO THE MUD two days after she got groomed, I blew my top. I just lost it.
The only prize for running out is this showered and blown-dry cutesy, fluffy, irresistible ball of innocence! We submitted this face in for the artist working with Peek-A-Book to paint and she did such an amazing job on Gypsie! The whole family had our hearts bursting with love when we saw her portrait on this leather keyring tag.
Now, The Story Which Got Mommy So Mad!
“Chill mom Chill!” You might say? Well I know... I should have.
I was finally done cooking dinner for the family and putting the dishes on the table at 6pm. It was a school night and we usually turn in early. But Gypsie decided to run out to have some fun in the rain and jump in muddy puddles!
Ewan and I gave chase. It actually looked really fun from a bystander's point of view and our puppy was elated! As soon as I saw her splashing in mud, I screamed, “I AM SO MAD! GOSH NOW I AM UPSET! NOoOoo!” She has just been recently groomed! Literally just two days ago!
A string of chores ran through my head:
- Bathing and Drying Gypsie
- Nagging At Kids To Finish Dinner
- Getting The Kids Ready For Bed
- Washing Dishes, Clean Kitchen
- Winding Kids Done For The Night
- I Haven’t Had Dinner And I Am Hungry!
Bathing and drying her in itself is going take me hours. I was looking forward to my dinner and now I have to forgo that because cleaning her up takes precedence over everything. I chased her back home angrily and bathed her immediately.
On hindsight, I should have just let her play a little longer since she was already going to get a shower. Same with parenting Ewan and Faye. I should have, I shouldn't have.
Mothering can be so short-sighted at times. What’s a little fun right? If I had embraced this whole situation differently, my three munchkins would probably have a more memorable evening as opposed to hearing their mommy screaming her top off. They would probably leave their dinner for a while, go play in mud and come back happy.
But at that time, I just couldn’t. I was up to my neck with all these invisible labour of motherhood. It was a frightening thought that I got slapped on more work even though my day was ending.
How can we make this better for the family? An overworked mom stresses the entire household. A happy mom builds a happy home. I say, SUPPORT is very important and I have all the support I needed from my dear husband. Now that he is temporarily handicapped, it just throws our tried-and-tested teamwork out the window.
Alas. Not an excuse to be so short-sighted in my parenting outlook. Writing this gives me clearer perspective to even out my load and take last-minute curveballs in better stride. Let us try not to be short-sighted for our family's sake; for our own sake.
Look at that face at the end of a thorough bloodshed battlefield wash-and-blow. I couldn’t get angry with anyone after that. I’m thinking of using this beautiful leather keyring tag as her collar tag! Let’s see if it fits when her new collar comes.
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