The Bedtime Game of Love and Hugs

There was so much love going around last night at bedtime that our hearts were totally filled. Our tanks were full thanks to Ewan's little Game of Love.

I had been thinking of late, "How long more will we share this bedtime routine as a family of four? When will Faye or Ewan request to have a room to themselves?" My two different gender kids share the same room and the same Queen-size mattress; they are six and eight this year. Meyer and I will sneak out of their bedroom after they've fallen asleep.

Last night, I felt absolutely blessed that we still get to put the kids to sleep together as a family of four rather than Mom-and-Faye in one room and Dad-and-Ewan in another. The conversations we had, the laughter we shared and the hugs that went around in the same space was too precious.

Since young, we had been playing this Prison Game where the kids would be imprisoned in our arms.  they will be released only if they guessed the right password. Sometimes, it's "Open Sesame". Sometimes, it's "I Love You". They would giggle as they struggle. Oh they love this game!

THE GAME OF FAMILY LOVE

At seven years nine months, Ewan decided to improvise. It was a refreshing surprise and I was mighty pleased with his adapted version. Instead of guessing what the random password might be, Ewan explained the new mechanics to this Prison Game.

"Daddy, you hug me tight as usual but this time, I have to keep saying good things about you. Each time I say one good thing, you release a little until I can escape!" he spelt out.

I LOVE THIS GAME! Both Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation would be filled at the same time for both father and son!

As Ewan went on and on about the good traits of his father, the dark dark bedroom was popping with red imaginary hearts! Not only did Meyer received his love, the girls in the room were feeling them too.

"You are the best father!"

"You are good to me."

"I love you very much!"

And he escaped his tight-hugging prison from daddy. Ewan jumped onto me and requested we played the same game. I was excited! I was about to hear all the good things my son thought about his mommy! I deliberately released my hugs really little to make him say more sweet nothings to me for my own pleasure. It was funny and we all laughed our hearts out. I relished in it. So much, I had forgotten most of what he had told me! Something along the lines of...

"You take good care of us." 

"I love you" 

"You are the best mom!"

THE GAME OF SELF-LOVE
Then he told Faye to change it up a bit. They took turns to hug themselves and declared love to themselves! *hahaha* I absolutely love this and was tickled-pink! So the rule of this game? Slowly release their own tight imprisoned hugs when they say something good about themselves.

I had been sending them messages about self-love. That LOVE isn't just from one person to another. We must first love ourselves before we love others and it's definitely not weird to say, "I Love Me!"

Finally, I witnessed the fruit of my [nags] labour!

I heard Ewan and Faye stringing words like, "I am a good person" and "I love myself!"

THE GAME OF HEARTS
I love a good chat. I have long conversations with my parents as a teenager. Sometimes when I cannot sleep at midnight, I would walk to my parents' room to check what they were doing. They were into Scrabble last time. A glass of wine by the side table and a good long game of Scrabble. I'd join in, sometimes in the middle and we would engage in conversations that lasted till 4am in the mornings.

For sure, I'd like to have the same kind of relationship with my children. It's never too early to start young. I had been asking them at random to share one good thing and one bad thing that happened in the day for them. Hmmm... Ewan hadn't been that receptive. He was always saying, "I don't know." I don't ask this of them every day. Maybe once a week or sometimes every fortnight but I never gave up.

And last night, he decided we should play this game too!

"Now let's play Tell Me One Good Thing and One Bad Thing That Happened Today!" he chirped.

EWAN [pleasing me seems to be important to him based on his Good and Bad]
Good - My attitude today while doing English was good and mommy didn’t scold me. 
Bad - I didn’t listen to mommy immediately when she asked me to brush my teeth before bed. 

FAYE [so touched that her mommy is so important to her]
Good - I got to hug mommy. 
Bad - Mommy wasn’t home when I woke up and I missed her. I cried.

MOM [teaching them the importance of self-care]
Good - I went exercising and kept myself healthy! 
Bad - I didn’t eat my lunch properly.

DAD [teaching them the importance of family time]
Good - I had a good meal with my family including mah mah and yeh yeh. 
Bad - I cooked a bad Rosti for dinner.

It was heart-warming to hear everything we shared. We pushed bedtime a little later because we wanted more love to go around. I had them both hugging me to sleep with one leg over mine and another with her head tightly snuck in the nook of my neck.

Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”

Hugs balance out the nervous system.
Hugs teach us how to give and receive.
Hugs can take away pain.
Hugs build trust and a sense of safety.

I am glad we have consciously increased the number of hugs per day and it does help the nervous system. Have a go at Ewan's little Game of Love with your families! I guarantee wonderful results. Always remember, it is easier to discipline and handle our children when everyone's love tanks are filled.

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A stay at home mum, blogging to widen her social life. 

We want to echo the sound of love through our lives to inspire other mothers alike.