Faye: Chinese Cultural Immersion Trip to China

When the opportunity came to the cohort of Primary 4s this year to go on a 5-day Chinese Cultural Immersion Trip to China [Xiamen and An Xi], I felt very excited for Faye. Her daddy, on the other hand, was apprehensive about it. No wait. He was not apprehensive. He was dead sure his daughter will not be going on her first trip out of Singapore, alone not to say the least, at ten years of age. 

Faye cheerfully and animatedly filled us in with the details she gathered when she met us after school, "I want to go! Can you sign the form to indicate my interest?"

I then ask the room aka the family, "What do you think? Should she go?"

Faye's brother and daddy chimed in unison, "No! She is too young!"

Daddy's concerns started to spill, "She still needs you to put her to sleep! How's she going to do that in China when she still wakes up to look for you in Singapore?" he questioned with eyes opened wide. 

Well, she will learn then, no? She will learn. 

"It is going to be very difficult for her. I can foresee. You are going to let her go? You have no foresight. I don't agree to letting her go on this trip. They should have done the Primary 5 camp in Primary 4 and overseas trip in Primary 5. The children would at least have a taster of being away from home in Singapore first before leaving the country! No." daddy sealed the conversation. 

I spoke to my daughter and she was adamant to go citing that this was a golden opportunity not to be missed! The school has not gone on an overseas trip for a while now and it is the first year they brought it back since COVID happened. This time, for the Primary 4s. "And I am Primary 4!" she squealed. 

As a minor, the decision does not only lie on her unfortunately. If only one parent agreed and the other do not, it has to be a no-go to avoid serious repercussions should any mishaps take place. I was tempted to fight her case for her after seeing how much she wanted this and indeed, I saw it as a golden opportunity. I wanted her to go!

Yet, I do have many concerns too. Mostly from the point of view of irreversible damage and not necessarily if she can sleep alone at night.

"What if the plane crashed?"

"What if there was a landslide in the mountains and buried the bus?"

"What if there was an earthquake?"

"What if it rained incessantly and caused a flood?"

"Maybe I should fly with her. If anything, at least I'll die with her."

"Maybe I should go and hang around in Xiamen. In case anything happens, I would just an hour away instead of six!"

"I will not forgive myself if anything does happen to her. It was a wilful decision I made to let her go and now a life's gone."

All these thoughts were unsettling especially when natural disasters were reported one after another in the months leading to Faye's trip. Then SQ had a fatality during a turbulence which I made sure nobody spoke to her about it [I only told her to fasten her seatbelt at all times]. I had sleepless nights. Wondering if I should fight her case with daddy to convince him to let her go or should I take the safe route and kept her in Singapore. After all, overseas immersions like these are really just for fun. Will they truly take back anything fruitful? Our children travel widely and will never be lack of exposure. So is this opportunity really an opportunity?

Despite all the negativities weighing on my shoulders, I decided to speak to daddy about submitting the interest form. 

At the end of the day, it is about listening to what she wants and allowing her to make choices that she will not regret. 

Is she too young at 10 to be given this autonomy? Some would say Yes and others would say No. The brave side of me felt that she deserves to be given a voice and say on this. If I pulled her back time and time again, she may not have the courage to fight for her dreams when she becomes older. The last thing I want is to clip her wings and dampen her spirit. Fly Free! Be Courageous! I want to advocate that.

I consulted the opinions of close friends and grandparents. My dad, as usual, told me that I cannot keep her in a bubble forever. There will never be a right age for it. Every time fear comes up, I will always be questioning if I should protect her from harm no matter if she was 10, 17 or 30.

Well, he never kept me in a bubble. I remember there was once I was afraid to fly because of one too many airplane crashes news and he told me, "Aiya! There are more road fatalities than air lah! Just go live your life! Just go." 

My mother though, she stops me from doing anything and everything. I am the only child and she is so afraid to lose me. I felt stifled but I totally understand that her decisions were all out of love. I appreciate it yet don't appreciate it. You know what I mean? I felt that I could have been more if given the chance. I want to make sure I focused on my children and not my own selfish reasons.

It's just me, I do not like to pretend that life's a bed of roses even though I am an optimist. I like to be prepared. I talked myself out and came to acceptance that Life is not lived until you have done what you want to. Life can be fulfilling albeit a short one. She should go if this is what she wants.

I told Faye after all the considerations and talks between daddy and I that the conclusion was that daddy isn't keen on her going and I just want her to chase her dreams. We have came to a consensus that we shan't clip her wings and will be giving her full autonomy to make this decision without pressure. 

She gave her father the form and told him to sign it. Her steadfastness, after weeks of consideration, swayed him, "You worry I cannot handle things on my own right? This is the reason why you should let me go! I will come back independent."

The possibility that she might get chosen was also very slim. The school takes in consideration the students' level of proficiency and mastery of the Chinese Language, their conduct and school attendance in finalising the list of selected 30. I am not sure where Faye stands but she got it. 

The final consent form came and although she started to feel the jitters of leaving us for five long days, she  instructed us, "Quickly sign this and I'll return it tomorrow. I don't want to think about it anymore. The more I think, the more I'll question myself."

She teared a few times at bedtime in Singapore thinking how she was going to manage when night falls in China. Faye also told me that she might cry at departure as we bade farewell. I told her that it is pretty normal even for adults to shed a few tears at the airport. This is what separation is and we have a whole lot of emotions we need to learn how to deal with. This is one. 

The day had arrived on the 26th of May 2024. We arrived at the airport at 0500 hours and the check-in process was swift and fuss-free to avoid extended goodbye hugs and tears. The 30 children were accompanied by 4 teachers and their Principal. 

The next five days were very difficult for Faye and she cried everyday. While I was expecting a video call from her on the first night, she declined it, "I don't think I can see your face. I will break down." Daddy has incredible foresight. She could not stop messaging me "Mummy", "Mummy", "I am miserable", "I need you", "I cannot stop crying", "I am homesick", "Nobody else is crying like I am", "I have no appetite", "I shouldn't have came", "I will message you if I need anything".

She updated me about everything throughout the day, sending me photographs and videos. I was always there for her whenever she needed a response even at 6.30am when she texted me "Good morning! I managed to sleep."

These heavy feelings came only at night when the day's activities came to a close. It was in these moments she suddenly missed home and I had to summoned all the strength I had to refrain from saying I missed her. These trigger word will send her into an emotional roller-coaster ride! 

I love how she is so in tuned with her feelings actually. 

Faye: Crying again. I am angry with myself for this.

Mom: Don't be angry with yourself. It is natural to miss home. It is after all your first time right? You are doing great. Don't beat yourself up. You are building grit and resilience now through this process you know? It is character building! Besides, it is perfectly fine to cry. At least you are in tune with your emotions and not hiding it. Good job!

Faye: I am not doing this ever again! Can I don't go to the P5 camp?

She worked so hard on herself on the last night of the trip and she beat it! Faye did not cry on the last night although she felt like she would break down! She kept holding herself together and she did it. She ought to be so proud of herself.

It has been five days since her return. 

"Ya. I had a good trip and enjoyed myself. I would do this again. It feels like an extended excursion with my schoolmates and teachers." she reflected upon everything and summed it up beautifully for herself. 

She definitely came back stronger and the things she learnt about herself at 10 years of age cannot be replicated in any other way if she hadn't had gone for it. 

It was indeed a golden opportunity. 

Thank goodness the entire travelling party came back safe and sound. We have got lots of thank yous to go around in school to show gratitude to the teachers and Principal for taking such good care of these kids.

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