Living Purposefully with Intentions
Life is fleeting. Even more when you realise that it can be taken from you anytime. People take for granted the vulnerability of life. Me included. When we are down and sick, we promise ourselves we will make a change in our lifestyles. When we are healthy again, we go back to the self-abusive routines. For the first time this week, I imagined myself dying. Really imagined it real and looking at the faces of my loved ones. The thought of leaving everyone behind was heartbreaking. What's painful really? Me leaving people behind or the fact that Meyer, Ewan, Faye, grandpa, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunties, uncles and my friends will be devastated by their loss. They are the ones who have to live with it. I'd be gone.
I am generally exhausted. I over-schedule myself and even my holidays are scheduled. I'd do up itineraries so that we can fully utilise our time in that new country. We will follow it and hope to squeeze in more sight-seeing spots in the midst. I'd get upset if we deviate and I must say, I had been young and foolish to think like that. The adults always come home more tired than we first left for the trip. I was racing against time. I wasn't enjoying Time. That was utterly unwise.
Do you know what it is to live life with intent? I haven't until I came across Holidays with Intention. That one-week retreat I went with Faye to Bali? That was organised by Holidays with Intention and I learnt everything I needed to know about INTENTIONS.
There were house rules during this holiday to help center ourselves when we were there. They promise we will return home rejuvenated rather than depleted. I was most willing to give it a shot with no judgements. The ladies behind Holidays with Intention called it Honouring Boundaries and with boundaries, we make conscious efforts with every action we choose to undertake.
Here’s some I love:-
1. We invite parents to refrain from bringing their phones to yoga or brunch
2. Try putting your phone away two hours before bedtime. Read a book instead, connect with other parents, meditate, listen to the frogs or look at the abundance of stars in Bali
3. Please refrain from engaging media with children in communal areas at all times
4. Shared spaces: Please tidy up after yourselves and encourage your children to tidy up too
5. To make space for new ideas and reset any limiting beliefs, conditioning and imprints, moving out of the comfort zone opens a portal for magic to happen.
6. This means avoiding numbing ourselves or seeking distractions or focusing on what is ‘missing’ and other negative. We invite you to take a break from alcohol, excessive consumption of coffee, tea and other ‘passive’ addictions.
7. We are here to support each other. No one is better or worse than another. Please respond with kindness and compassion. Consider that often all we need in response is silence ie. to simply be heard
The first complaint Faye had when she entered our room at the villa was, “Where’s the TV?”
And I went, “Yes! The way I like holidays, bedrooms and airplane rides to be!”
INTENTIONS.
As we respect ourselves and the person next to us, we should respect the space we are in as well. I woke up on our first morning telling her, “How about we start the day by making our bed? We take care of communal space and we should also learn how to start the day right with first tidying up our personal spaces.” And so we did.
Do you know? Fast forward there months from then, Faye has been making her bed dutifully every single morning? Setting intentions are important and good habits die hard. We have now influenced Ewan to do the same and he has been making his bed every morning since.
The point is, we all know we will start our day on the right foot crossing something off our to-do list as soon as we wake up.
During the one week retreat, children will take every morning off from their parents and head into a heart-centred Montessori based children's program. They booked a separate house away from our main Villa and made that School. So every morning after breakfast with our children, we see them off at the Villa's driveway as the school bus ferried them out of sight, just 3 minutes away around the bend. Near but not so near. It was well thought through because if we had the kids in the main Villa, we would unconsciously think or look for them. Faye didn't want me to go on the bus with her after the first day. She felt excited about her new-found independence; that it felt like an excursion with her friends every morning without their moms. Two Montessori trained teachers [who are also moms] to ten kids. I have full trust and faith in them.
Parents, on the other hand, enjoyed an Eat, Pray, Love break to rejuvenate through Yoga, adult-only brunches, swim or sunbathe in a gadget-free environment. There were also workshops for the adults on Conscious Parenting, Healing, Parenting Circles and Intuitive Music Programming on certain evenings. While we were at that, the kids got Movie Nights! I took back a lot from this trip and mostly from crying through my sharings during circle time. Even a simple Ho'oponopono mantra at the our opening circle had me cuddling my daughter and tearing. It is a healing song from Hawaii; an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness. When our facilitator, Melissa Indot, sang it, the whole house fell silent including the children.
Extremely simple words. Yet, so powerful. During that circle, hearing that song, I wanted to tell so many people I am sorry. I want to ask for their forgiveness and to tell them I really do love them. To tell my children for all the times I yelled. To tell my husband for all the times I ignored. To tell my parents for all the times I hurt. I felt healed at that moment when tears rolled down my cheeks.
When I heard we were going to have daily Yoga mornings on this trip, I cringed. A week worth of stillness! Oh no! I mean my life is everything but still. But upon my return, I committed myself to Yoga because it was so fulfilling for me to start every morning right through relaxation that I didn't want to lose it when we are back in the get-go. One important lesson I learnt from our Yoga teacher this retreat: Hugging therapy is a powerful way of healing.
She quoted Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”
Hugs balance out the nervous system.
Hugs teach us how to give and receive.
Hugs can take away pain.
Hugs build trust and a sense of safety.
We have been practicing HUGS since our return and the next time before I tell my son or daughter to control their anger, I’ll step back a little and validate their feelings first before commenting. To always remember to end it with a hug. This is Conscious Parenting and this was what Holidays with Intention taught me. I brought back valuable insights on mindfulness.
I contemplated on going. How silly of me! It wasn't over the school holidays and Ewan couldn't come with. Leaving half of the family at home didn't sound quite right. Besides, a one week commitment to leave home and fully enjoy myself sounded a bit extravagant for a housewife or even a working mom.
One Week! Will you go down a terrible guilt trip if you went for it? Or even to THINK about it would send you spiralling down in guilt. Is it too much for a parent to leave everything behind and simply take off? Whoever made moms [or even dads] feel guilty about spending time for themselves is an a**hole [Thesaurus can't help me find a better alternative to this term].
Seven days away to soul search isn’t a luxury. It’s a need. And seven days in my opinion is minimum. If it was a 4D3N getaway, I’d be rushing back home again even before settling my heart in. That seven days in Bali had been nothing but refuelling.
24 hours finally felt like 24 hours. I didn’t once said I wish I had 48 hours in a day when I was there.
I started the hashtag #ABetterMay in 2017 where I turned to frivolous ways to make myself better - new hair colour, embroidered eyebrows, new wardrobe, teeth whitening. Argh. Did they make me A Better May? Oh yes on the outside but what about my spirit? I’m still that depleted worn-out May in the inside.
What makes A Better May is really what I do for myself in terms of mental strength, courage and healthy habits. Oh it is so so so easy to understand the theory of it and I kept telling myself in my head, “What if I don’t make that effort to exercise everything I’ve learnt here on this retreat when I return? What if I cannot remember how to breathe mindfully, consciously parent my children and more?”
Then the stars spoke to me when I drew a card from the deck that went around our final parent circle.
A quote: “I recognise that I have chosen Fear and I choose again I choose Love”
It gave me so much confidence that it’s all in my hands. I chose fear at first but it’s telling me to look at it from another perspective! I can choose again and I choose to believe I can do this when I return to the hustle and bustle.
There in Bali, I ate three meals, drank water, listened to my body, am at peace and befriended myself. I gave ME priority. And it felt really good!
My single one sole numero uno goal I’d like to bring back is to Befriend Myself by creating a deeper connection to my body and so I have.
The next retreat is to be held in Bali where we were at. To find out more about what you are going to get, please follow this link. When you book before end of July 2019 quoting my name, enjoy 10% off the cost of this retreat!
We had one night of Women’s Circle. Just us women without the dads. It had me pouring my heart out in tears. While Faye was having her movie night with her friends in one of our villas, we gathered in another sharing what doubts we have in life.
At bedtime, I took time to tell Faye what happened in there, “Mommy was with other moms at the other villa while you watched your cartoon. I cried really hard. Mucus and all.”
She asked me why.
“Because mommy doesn’t know if I’m good enough a mommy. Am I fun enough for you? Am I great enough? Am I doing it right because sometimes I say things that hurt you and kor kor. I’m sorry for those times. Will you forgive me? Thank you darling and I love you.” I told her in one heartfelt breath.
She responded, “You are a good mommy.”
I know I’m not just a good mommy because I went Swimming with her in the pool at 6.45am in the morning! *haha* I learnt from the two days here that it’s ridiculous to think we are not enough in any way.
Setting intentions is my way of living my life and not let life live me. It consists of staying mindful, being present and adjusting expectations.
But first, I need to make sure I am in the best of health [physically and mentally] to give the best of me to all of whom I love.
I am generally exhausted. I over-schedule myself and even my holidays are scheduled. I'd do up itineraries so that we can fully utilise our time in that new country. We will follow it and hope to squeeze in more sight-seeing spots in the midst. I'd get upset if we deviate and I must say, I had been young and foolish to think like that. The adults always come home more tired than we first left for the trip. I was racing against time. I wasn't enjoying Time. That was utterly unwise.
Do you know what it is to live life with intent? I haven't until I came across Holidays with Intention. That one-week retreat I went with Faye to Bali? That was organised by Holidays with Intention and I learnt everything I needed to know about INTENTIONS.
There were house rules during this holiday to help center ourselves when we were there. They promise we will return home rejuvenated rather than depleted. I was most willing to give it a shot with no judgements. The ladies behind Holidays with Intention called it Honouring Boundaries and with boundaries, we make conscious efforts with every action we choose to undertake.
Here’s some I love:-
1. We invite parents to refrain from bringing their phones to yoga or brunch
2. Try putting your phone away two hours before bedtime. Read a book instead, connect with other parents, meditate, listen to the frogs or look at the abundance of stars in Bali
3. Please refrain from engaging media with children in communal areas at all times
4. Shared spaces: Please tidy up after yourselves and encourage your children to tidy up too
5. To make space for new ideas and reset any limiting beliefs, conditioning and imprints, moving out of the comfort zone opens a portal for magic to happen.
6. This means avoiding numbing ourselves or seeking distractions or focusing on what is ‘missing’ and other negative. We invite you to take a break from alcohol, excessive consumption of coffee, tea and other ‘passive’ addictions.
7. We are here to support each other. No one is better or worse than another. Please respond with kindness and compassion. Consider that often all we need in response is silence ie. to simply be heard
The first complaint Faye had when she entered our room at the villa was, “Where’s the TV?”
And I went, “Yes! The way I like holidays, bedrooms and airplane rides to be!”
INTENTIONS.
As we respect ourselves and the person next to us, we should respect the space we are in as well. I woke up on our first morning telling her, “How about we start the day by making our bed? We take care of communal space and we should also learn how to start the day right with first tidying up our personal spaces.” And so we did.
Do you know? Fast forward there months from then, Faye has been making her bed dutifully every single morning? Setting intentions are important and good habits die hard. We have now influenced Ewan to do the same and he has been making his bed every morning since.
The point is, we all know we will start our day on the right foot crossing something off our to-do list as soon as we wake up.
During the one week retreat, children will take every morning off from their parents and head into a heart-centred Montessori based children's program. They booked a separate house away from our main Villa and made that School. So every morning after breakfast with our children, we see them off at the Villa's driveway as the school bus ferried them out of sight, just 3 minutes away around the bend. Near but not so near. It was well thought through because if we had the kids in the main Villa, we would unconsciously think or look for them. Faye didn't want me to go on the bus with her after the first day. She felt excited about her new-found independence; that it felt like an excursion with her friends every morning without their moms. Two Montessori trained teachers [who are also moms] to ten kids. I have full trust and faith in them.
Parents, on the other hand, enjoyed an Eat, Pray, Love break to rejuvenate through Yoga, adult-only brunches, swim or sunbathe in a gadget-free environment. There were also workshops for the adults on Conscious Parenting, Healing, Parenting Circles and Intuitive Music Programming on certain evenings. While we were at that, the kids got Movie Nights! I took back a lot from this trip and mostly from crying through my sharings during circle time. Even a simple Ho'oponopono mantra at the our opening circle had me cuddling my daughter and tearing. It is a healing song from Hawaii; an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness. When our facilitator, Melissa Indot, sang it, the whole house fell silent including the children.
"I'm Sorry. Please Forgive Me.
Thank You. I Love You."
Extremely simple words. Yet, so powerful. During that circle, hearing that song, I wanted to tell so many people I am sorry. I want to ask for their forgiveness and to tell them I really do love them. To tell my children for all the times I yelled. To tell my husband for all the times I ignored. To tell my parents for all the times I hurt. I felt healed at that moment when tears rolled down my cheeks.
When I heard we were going to have daily Yoga mornings on this trip, I cringed. A week worth of stillness! Oh no! I mean my life is everything but still. But upon my return, I committed myself to Yoga because it was so fulfilling for me to start every morning right through relaxation that I didn't want to lose it when we are back in the get-go. One important lesson I learnt from our Yoga teacher this retreat: Hugging therapy is a powerful way of healing.
She quoted Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”
Hugs balance out the nervous system.
Hugs teach us how to give and receive.
Hugs can take away pain.
Hugs build trust and a sense of safety.
We have been practicing HUGS since our return and the next time before I tell my son or daughter to control their anger, I’ll step back a little and validate their feelings first before commenting. To always remember to end it with a hug. This is Conscious Parenting and this was what Holidays with Intention taught me. I brought back valuable insights on mindfulness.
I contemplated on going. How silly of me! It wasn't over the school holidays and Ewan couldn't come with. Leaving half of the family at home didn't sound quite right. Besides, a one week commitment to leave home and fully enjoy myself sounded a bit extravagant for a housewife or even a working mom.
One Week! Will you go down a terrible guilt trip if you went for it? Or even to THINK about it would send you spiralling down in guilt. Is it too much for a parent to leave everything behind and simply take off? Whoever made moms [or even dads] feel guilty about spending time for themselves is an a**hole [Thesaurus can't help me find a better alternative to this term].
Seven days away to soul search isn’t a luxury. It’s a need. And seven days in my opinion is minimum. If it was a 4D3N getaway, I’d be rushing back home again even before settling my heart in. That seven days in Bali had been nothing but refuelling.
24 hours finally felt like 24 hours. I didn’t once said I wish I had 48 hours in a day when I was there.
I started the hashtag #ABetterMay in 2017 where I turned to frivolous ways to make myself better - new hair colour, embroidered eyebrows, new wardrobe, teeth whitening. Argh. Did they make me A Better May? Oh yes on the outside but what about my spirit? I’m still that depleted worn-out May in the inside.
What makes A Better May is really what I do for myself in terms of mental strength, courage and healthy habits. Oh it is so so so easy to understand the theory of it and I kept telling myself in my head, “What if I don’t make that effort to exercise everything I’ve learnt here on this retreat when I return? What if I cannot remember how to breathe mindfully, consciously parent my children and more?”
Then the stars spoke to me when I drew a card from the deck that went around our final parent circle.
A quote: “I recognise that I have chosen Fear and I choose again I choose Love”
It gave me so much confidence that it’s all in my hands. I chose fear at first but it’s telling me to look at it from another perspective! I can choose again and I choose to believe I can do this when I return to the hustle and bustle.
There in Bali, I ate three meals, drank water, listened to my body, am at peace and befriended myself. I gave ME priority. And it felt really good!
My single one sole numero uno goal I’d like to bring back is to Befriend Myself by creating a deeper connection to my body and so I have.
The next retreat is to be held in Bali where we were at. To find out more about what you are going to get, please follow this link. When you book before end of July 2019 quoting my name, enjoy 10% off the cost of this retreat!
We had one night of Women’s Circle. Just us women without the dads. It had me pouring my heart out in tears. While Faye was having her movie night with her friends in one of our villas, we gathered in another sharing what doubts we have in life.
At bedtime, I took time to tell Faye what happened in there, “Mommy was with other moms at the other villa while you watched your cartoon. I cried really hard. Mucus and all.”
She asked me why.
“Because mommy doesn’t know if I’m good enough a mommy. Am I fun enough for you? Am I great enough? Am I doing it right because sometimes I say things that hurt you and kor kor. I’m sorry for those times. Will you forgive me? Thank you darling and I love you.” I told her in one heartfelt breath.
She responded, “You are a good mommy.”
I know I’m not just a good mommy because I went Swimming with her in the pool at 6.45am in the morning! *haha* I learnt from the two days here that it’s ridiculous to think we are not enough in any way.
Setting intentions is my way of living my life and not let life live me. It consists of staying mindful, being present and adjusting expectations.
But first, I need to make sure I am in the best of health [physically and mentally] to give the best of me to all of whom I love.
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